Archive of entries posted on 18th January 2007

In My World: Boxer Match

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“…and that’s why I think we have a real plan for Iraq,” Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice told the Foreign Relations Committee.
Her words were met with laughter.
Condi looked around with confusion. “What?”
Senatorette Barbra Boxer looked down upon Condi with scorn. “Really, do you think that in this day and age, with as advanced as we are as a society, that we’ll sit here and listen to the opinions of a childless black woman?”
Condi was taken aback. “Um… I’m not following.”
“I think my point was very clear!” Boxer shrieked. “If you don’t understand it, it’s too bad you don’t have children who can explain it to you like mine showed me how to use a Tivo. Anyway, I don’t see any further reason to listen to you on this subject.”
“So what your saying is that, even though I have a Ph.D in political science, was a professor at Stanford, was the National Security Advisor and am currently the Secretary of State, I can’t offer an opinion on foreign affairs because I lack children?”
“Exactly! Do you know why, Madame Secretary, we made Representative Nancy Pelosi Speaker of the House?”
Condi thought about that. “I’m going to guess it’s not because of qualifications or personality.”
“It’s because she’s a grandmother!” Boxer said and pounded the table. “Only someone with lots of children can understand that it better to pretend we’re safe now and do nothing than to go out there and stop probable future attacks. It’s simple head in the sand thinking that a barren Negress just wouldn’t understand!”
Condi looked around her table.
“What are you doing?” Boxer demanded.
“I’m trying to find something to throw at your head… something less cumbersome than a chair…”
“I’m just speaking truth to power!” Boxer shouted. “And, as a Senator from the most heavily populated state in America, you must listen to me!”
“Speaking truth to power to would be one of California’s overtaxed citizens telling you your haircut is kinda dykey.” Condi continued to fiddle with something on the table.
Boxer put her hands on her ears. “You don’t have children so I can’t hear you! La la la… AHHH!”

“Senator Boxer became knocked unconscious when a microphone stand became loose during a Foreign Relations Committee meeting,” the FOX News anchor stated. “She is wished a slow recovery. Now stay tuned for an hour of Bill O’Reilly yelling at people!”

When Peace Symbols Go Bad

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The European Union (motto: We Blame the Jooos) has recently taken the brave step of banning the swastika.
Normally, I would have no problem with this, since hardly any of my Neo-con armbands sport this particular logo. However, a few Hindus have taken offense over this ban.
I don’t know why.. Maybe they’re Nazis.
Just kidding.
Turns out that the swastika thing is some sort of Hindu symbol for peace and they are offended that this symbol offends people.
I’m a strong believer in Hindus. My best friend Carlos is from Hindu-ras. He’s cool.
Anyway, I was just wondering – if this peace symbol has been hijacked by the Nazis, why not go into the history books and used photoshop to insert more respectable peace symbols?
hitlerpeace.JPG
I believe this would be fair solution that would make all parties happy. Except for peace activists, who would undoubtedly hold endless candlelight vigils.

Too Bad to Be True

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Border Patrol agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean shot a fleeing drug runner in the butt. The drug smuggler was then given immunity to testify against the Border Patrol agents (the drug smuggler broke his terms and smuggled drugs again, but was then also given immunity for that). Ramos was sentenced to eleven years in prison and Compean for twelve for violating the drug smuggler’s civil rights, and the drug smuggler is suing the government for $5 million. There’s now a huge movement to get President Bush to pardon the Border Patrol agents.
I don’t mean to be an Allahpundit, but maybe every should slow down here. This story is just so perfectly wrong, I don’t buy it. I don’t think there are some group of government officials out there saying, “We need to convict Border agents who try and stop drug smugglers… because we’re EVIL and hate America’s borders!” The fact is that the two agents were convicted by a jury of their peers for breaking the law. According to rules (which – maybe – need to be changed), they illegally shot someone which has a mandatory sentence of ten years. The sentence was added to because they were also convicted of obstruction of justice (Compean picked up his shell casings and the shooting wasn’t reported which, to me, says they knew they did something wrong). Also, they were given a plea deal for a year in prison, but they turned it down which led to what is basically the minimum sentence they could be given for their convicted crimes.
Now, there are plenty of reasons to think this wasn’t justice. Three jurors have since said they wanted to find the two not guilty but were told that the judge wouldn’t allow a hung jury. These are things that can be pursued through normal legal channels, though. It’s a lot to ask the President to hand out a pardon on a suspect shooting.
Sorry for this non-funny post, but everyone has these bandwagons they want people to jump on. And I don’t want to end up like the Kwazy Kos Kids and think that everything is some huge travesty of justice and the country is going to plunge into chaos if we don’t DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW! I want to keep Cool… like Coolidge.
Here’s a somewhat neutral article on the shooting. Here’s an article in favor of Ramos in Compean.
Feel free to convince me this is really as cut and dry as many of you think it is. Right now, I’m more interested in finding out who was giving immunity to the drug smuggler and firing those people.
UPDATE:
Speaking of Allahpundit, he has a post up with video Trancredo calling on Bush to pardon the Border Patrol agents and a link to a document the prosecutor of the case made to try and dispel myths about the case. He also links to Patterico who thinks the prosecution was just.
UPDATE 2:
I think this whole affair would make a great slogan to keep people from crossing our border: “You mess with our border, we shoot you in the butt.”