Amanda Marcotte, the the sharp tongued ‘satirist’ hired by John Edwards today announced her resignation.
“Many people feel that this was the plan all along. That John would announce his support but that I would resign of my own free will after being bothered by the fact that the people I loathe and detest somehow for some reason don’t like me. This is not the case. I am retiring because some people don’t like me and of course that makes them crazy.”
Said John Edwards, “We realized that we had accomplished all of our goals already and therefore the time was right to pull away from this fight.”
Amanda is now sitting at home, awaiting the sticky, jizzy influence of another presidential candidate – possibly Hillary Clinton.
More as this story develops.

Now that the master of faux anti-white male/anti-Christian satire has resigned from *Edwards’ campaign, I present a roundup of IMAO pre-responses to the Amanda Marmoset resignation.

Foul-mouthed, hate-filled, lefty blogger Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon has officially resigned from her post as the Edwards ’08 campaign’s official screech-owl.
I wonder how the Breck Girl will replace Amanda’s priceless ability to mire his campaign in controversy…
* 100 monkeys at 100 typewriters that only have 4 keys each – K, U, C, and F.
* Hire David Duke as his campaign adviser.
* Make every Wednesday at campaign HQ “cigars and interns night”.
* Hire Ted Kennedy to drive the interns home Thursday morning.
* Talk up his new charity, “Centrifuges for Iran“.
* Start taking hair styling tips from Zach Braff.
* Eat Snickers bars in the garage with John Kerry.
* Puppy blending! – it’s not just for bloggers anymore!
* Take the Dixie Chicks with him on his next fact-finding tour to Iraq.
* Admit to being the real father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn.
* Accept an invitation to the Duke LaCrosse team’s next kegger.
* Tear down a homeless shelter to make room for his new 280,000 square foot house.
* Refuse to hire black campaign staffers unless they’re sufficiently clean and articulate.
Any other suggestions?

John Hawkins has an interview with Helen Smith (a.k.a, the puppy blender enabler) on the increasing trend of violence in youth today. I found it pretty interesting and thought Helen has some smart analysis. Also, I didn’t know that the idea that pretty much only white males are serial killers is actually a myth.
What I blame youth violence on, though, is Pokemon. If you teach kids that it’s okay to shove large animals into a ball and then throw it at someone, they will eventually lash out. I also blame todays’ lower quality beef jerky ingredients, smoothies, and, of course, liberals.
You should also remember to check out John Hawkins other site Conservative Grapevine. I like good linky sites, so make sure to support it.

ACTION ALERT! ACTION ALERT!
E-mail a Congressman telling him what the temperature is outside and asking him whether he thinks you should wear a coat. Make it clear your campaign contribution rests on his answer.
END ACTION ALERT

Ever wonder why IMAO has never issues action alerts?
“Because they’re retarded and gay,” you probably just responded.
True dat, but still, think of the power IMAO could wield if I just said stuff and everyone did it? Politicians would fear us.
If you don’t know what an action alert is, that’s where a liberal blog issues something from all its readers to do, and then they all do it like the lemmings they are (yes, lemmings don’t actually run mindlessly off cliffs, but a lemming is now more a symbol of mindlessly following a mob than an actual animal).
E.g. ACTION ALERT: Wear your pants on your head in protest of the war!
So, an action alert is issued, the Kwazy Kos Kids all follow it, and the Democrat politicians all tremble in fear at those nutters being loosed on them. Most pundits agree that it was this post by Chris Bowers that made John Edwards change his mind on firing Amanda Marcotte. Yes, Bowers didn’t even need an action alert; her merely had to threaten to use one to cause Edwards to crouch in the corner and weep quietly while brushing his hair. For all Edwards knew, that action alert could have been to call for his murder and then he’d be rushed by the unwashed activists who would come at him with pen knives while screaming incoherently about wiretaps.
To control the action alert is to control fear. That, my friend, is power… and I want it!
I will begin to issue action alerts. Your job will be to mindlessly follow them. If you all participate, then the politicians will kneel before our power! Buh ha ha ha ha!

It’s time for a new feature called Cat/Countercat where the resident IFOC Cats debate the issues of the day.
Today’s subject: flowers for Valentine’s Day.
Apparently, there are ugly academics out there that can’t get themselves a date, so they have to ruin Valentine’s Day for everyone else…

In the past three years, the amount of flowers imported from the Netherlands has fallen by 47 per cent to 94,000 tons, while those from Africa have risen 39 per cent to 17,000 tons.
Environmentalists warned that “flower miles” could have serious implications on climate change in terms of carbon dioxide emissions from aeroplanes.
Andrew Sims, the policy director of the New Economics Foundation, said: “There are plenty of flowers that grow in Britain in the winter and don’t need to be hothoused.
“Air freighting flowers half way round the world contributes to global warming.
“You can argue the planes would be flying anyway but the amount of greenhouse gases pumped out depends on the weight of the cargo.”
Vicky Hird, of Friends of the Earth, said: “We don’t want to be killjoys because receiving flowers can be lovely but why not grow your own gift?”

With this issue being so important, it’s time to take it out of the hands of humanity and give it to our Feline Masters to help us resolve the conflict fairly, wisely, and swiftly.
What do you think about the environmental impact of Valentine’s Day?

Frisky: You know, this heart-shaped plate was flown three times around the planet just to see if it could be done. But that’s what makes it so special.

Nardo: Well, it’s not like the starving kids in Africa can eat those flowers, right? Might as well ship them to somewhere that can buy them instead of letting them wilt and die for no reason.

Apparently, black people get shot at when they go to fill up their cars. This according to Barack Obama’s wife:

The heavy presence of security around Obama was also a silent reminder of the change that took place with the announcement. Michelle Obama, the candidate’s wife, acknowledged it in an interview to air on CBS’ “60 Minutes,” in which she was asked if she fears for her husband’s life as a black candidate.
“I don’t lose sleep over it because the realities are that . . . as a black man . . . Barack can get shot going to the gas station,” Michelle Obama said in the interview, set to air Sunday night. “You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”

That’s not right. Whoever is shooting at Obama when he goes to the Exxon station, could you stop it? While you’re at it, just stop the shooting at the black people in general.
I know gas stations already have signs up about not smoking near the pumps, but maybe they should add another about not shooting at black people.

Deb Schlussel says that, as an atheist, I’m very likely to be seduced by radical Islam.
Which I thought was just the dumbest thing I’d ever heard.
But then I realized how right she was.
You see, although I’ve called myself an atheist for years, I’m always been a Christian Atheist, because it was the God of the Holy Bible that I didn’t believe in. I mean, sure, I scoffed at other popular deities, too, but it was really reading the Bible that convinced me that believing in God was as silly as believing that Criss Angel doesn’t use camera tricks and audience shills during his Mind Freak specials.
But recently all that changed. I started reading the Koran. I mean REALLY studying it and thinking it over.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s Allah and not Jehovah that’s the most hysterically unlikely anthropomorphic personification of infinite power that’s ever been fictionalized between the covers of an overlong holy book.
That’s right. I’ve converted.
I’m an Islamic Atheist now.
And since the ideas put forth in the most blood-soaked, kill-’em-all passages were the least believable parts of the completely deranged waste of paper that IS the Koran, I had no choice but to become a Radical Jihad-Lovin’ Islamic Atheist. There’s simply nothing that I don’t believe in more.
And so now five times every day, I don’t face Mecca and don’t bow down while I’m not saying the prayers that will cleanse my non-existent soul, as I don’t purify my thoughts for the moment when I don’t martyr myself in Allah’s imaginary name while not killing infidels so that I may not be immediately swept into a mythical paradise to enjoy the spuriously sweet temptations of the 72 virgins who don’t eagerly await me.
And thus it is for the completely made up glory of Allah The Not-Really-There, that I have not strapped on this explosive vest filled with C4 ball bearings and will now not blow up this blog and all its readers.
If you don’t believe me – and you shouldn’t – then believe your own lying eyes as you gaze in horror at this “genuine live web cam” image of the bomb I’m not wearing!

Prepare to meet your makers!
… by which, of course, I mean “your parents”.
Next time you see them, tell ’em Harv says “Hi!”
And that Deb Schlussel doesn’t know sh*t about atheists.

A week has passed, so the polling starts again in the Pajamas Media Straw Poll. Just vote in the box on the left sidebar, and select a Democrat as well or you’re a wuss.
UPDATE:
Who is Ron Paul and why is in the lead right now for this week (overall voting)?

Allahpundit posted this on Hot Air and said he found it funny but thought most other wouldn’t. I don’t see how anyone could not find this funny (WARNING: It has some bleeped out swearing… though I wasn’t able to fill in the blanks):

The secret to random humor is that it can’t actually be truly random. There has to be some method to the madness, and this, while being unpredictable, has a theme. I declare it to be funny.
UPDATE:
While I’m linking funny videos, here’s The Shawshank Redemption in one minute. The Morgan Freeman impression is dead on. (WARNING: Has one swear word in it… but it’s also the funniest part since it’s so true):