33 Comments

  1. …By making him sign an iron-clad, irrevocable separation agreement.
    …A national moment to stop and breathe a collective sigh of relief.
    …By convincing Nancy Pelosi what a great idea it is.

  2. Compromise might be on to something, there: If we all praise his wisdom and humility (hard to do with a straight face, but stay with me here) and say what a swell guy he is for life balance or whatever plausible thing can be made of it, with the clear statement that he should retire and stay out of all politics, “consulting,” or similar, we might be able to convince some other praise-hounds that getting out of D.C. could give them the shortest route to beatification. Unlike that sentence.

  3. Harry Reid said he’s retiring. How should we mark this occasion?

    By going to one of his whorehouses in Nevada and screwing the people there the way he has been screwing the entire country all these years.

  4. Buy “Superego”, then compare and contrast – Rico is a relatively well-mannered psychopath with a good work-ethic who can smell trouble coming and has trouble acting “normal”, while Harry is a nasty sociopath with a knack for manipulation who can smell his constituents (and doesn’t like it), and also has trouble acting “normal”.

  5. Whatever they do at the SPCA with old, unadoptable dogs. Or just wait until April 14 when it happens from natural causes.

    Send Pelosi to his beautician.

    Put a bronze marker next to the pentagram he uses to return to hell.

  6. … Getting security clearance for the Mystery Mobile, so when his replacement shows up an votes exactly the same way as him, someone is there to pull the mask off and reveal it was Old Man Reid the whole time.

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