Aquaman May Be Sexy, But He’s Still a Lousy Superhero

[High Praise! to Anonymiss of Nuking Politics]

Someone on the internet noticed that, in superhero group shot, Wonder Woman was the only one doing a sexy pose:

And they wondered what the guys would look like in the same pose.

The results are a little… unsettling.

But I have to say, Aquaman looks perfectly natural that way:

Talking to fish: it’s not manly.

Superheroes and Patriotism

I'm a loyal American!Hello, Aquafans!

As you may have heard, Superman is renouncing his U.S. citizenship.

Frankly, good riddance.

You know, the main DC superheroes have never been good representatives of America. Superman has just always thought he’s better than everyone because he has pretty much every superpower (except he can’t talk to fish). And his alterego works for the New York Times or something, so he is just completely out of touch with the common man. Actually, the way he explained his decision to renounce his citizenship to me was, “Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman thought it was a good idea.” I swear the guy snorts white kyrptonite.

With Batman, you never see him waving the flag. That would just go against his dark persona he wants to keep up. What a disturbed little man; if he did get patriotic, he’d probably end up joining a militia or something.

Wonder Woman’s costume does make her look like she’s a patriotic stripper, but she’s actually part of some overseas feminist cult. She’s always ranting on and on about the pay gap between men and women. Hey! The Justice League doesn’t pay me at all!

Green Lantern is part of some intergalactic police force whose authority comes from… where? Weird little blue guys? I do not trust him. Any day now he could pull over the whole earth for speeding.

And the Flash… well, frankly, shouldn’t someone whose power is to run away really fast be more representative of France than the U.S.?

But, me, I was born in Maine and am a proud American. I even got my start fighting the Nazis. And though you might not always see it, I’m often wearing a flag pin. So you can always count on Aquaman to stand up proudly for the U.S. of A.!

Plus, Atlantis kicked me out.

Pants Off the Ground

Villains fear my green pants of justice!Hello, Aquafans!

As you may have heard, Wonder Woman is going to start wearing pants.

Finally.

Do you know what was the first thing I said to Wonder Woman upon meeting her? “Where’s your pants?” I thought perhaps the first case for the Justice League was going up against some villainous pants-stealers. I’m sorry, but fighting evil requires pants. That’s just a basic fact. And as a superhero, if you ever get seen without pants, expect to end up in a tabloid. Really, I wonder who gave Wonder Woman the idea that she could get any respect running around in a bathing suit. She should have changed her name to “Not Much Left to Wonder About Woman.” I guess growing up surrounded by Amazons gave her daddy issues.

And while we’re finally changing things that were a long time coming, Clark Kent’s disguise of just taking off his glasses — come on. Who is that possibly fooling? And why is he still working at a newspaper? Superman might as well have his day job be that he’s a blacksmith. Plus, if you have God-like powers, why would anyone be a journalist? Do stuff; don’t write about other people doing stuff.

And Batman, how about a mask that covers your entire face if you think hiding your identity is so important. “Hmm, I wonder if Batman, who has all these expensive gadgets, could be the eccentric billionaire who lives nearby and HAS THE EXACT SAME CHIN.” I don’t bother to hide my identity because I don’t have anything to hide (oh, if Black Manta is reading this, please don’t murder my family), but if I did, I wouldn’t half-ass it. Oh, and Batman, what’s with the patrolling the streets of Gotham and hanging out with the Justice League? One day you’re beating up muggers and the next you’re fighting aliens. PICK A VILLAINY GENRE! You don’t see me fighting the Ocean Master one day and the next day handing out parking tickets.

I swear, every other superhero than me is stupid. And they also can’t talk to fish.

What the Hell?

Keep your oil out of my water!Hello, Aquafans!

So what’s going on here? I saw there was an accident in the Gulf of Mexico (an explosion above the water, so technically not in my jurisdiction) and there is an oil leak. So I’m like, “Well, I’m sure the professionals at BP and the Obama administration will get this handled right away.”

And more than forty days later… what the hell?

Just the other day, I heard distress above me, so I surfaced in the Gulf… and of course was all covered in oil. And then Black Manta set me on fire. Is this just the way it’s going to be now?

I’m trying to figure out who to complain to, and the Obama administration says they’re in charge of everything, but it’s BP trying all the solutions except their solutions are things like have robots drop a box on it or pour mud on it — the sort of things a three-year-old would come up with when faced with a similar situation.

And I hate to bring it up, but what are you doing drilling out in deep water anyway? What’s wrong with drilling on land? Yeah, I know: You all live on land so you don’t want to drill there. “Let’s drill in the ocean,” you all say. “No one we care about lives there.”

You know there are like five hundred land-based superheroes, but only me for the oceans — for two thirds of the planet. Well, there’s also the Namor the Submariner, but he’s not usually very helpful. And kind of mean.

Anyway, my point is I deserve more respect than that. My domain is not your oil dumping ground. And if you have some big oil leak into it, I at least expect you to try and stop it… or at least make a realistic effort at it. This is what depresses me and makes me feel like I get no respect, but I don’t see any of you even stepping up to pay for my therapist.

Next time you’re hassled by pirates, don’t call me. I’m through. Enjoy your oil.

I Think We Can All Agree It’s Time for an Aquaman Movie

Everyone wants me.Hello, Aquafans!
Have you seen that Iron Man movie? I don’t really get that guy as a superhero. Basically, his suit is the superhero. Anyone could wear it and have his powers. I could wear it and have all of Iron Man’s powers plus be able to talk to fish (unless the suit acts like a Faraday cage and messes up my marine telepathy — which be a hugely idiotic design flaw).
Anyway, it’s done a ton of business, and if the world likes a movie about a B-list superhero, think of how much they’ll love one about one of the best known superheroes out there: Me, Aquaman!
Really, at this point there is not rational argument a studio can make about not going forward with an Aquaman movie. We just need to plan it to make sure it’s a success. First, we need some hot up-and-coming director of independent artsy films to do this as his first big budget studio film. Maybe whoever directed that Juno film everyone seems to like.
Next, we need a script. An awesome script penned by this era’s Shakespeare. I know some of you might suggest Frank J. should do it, but I’ve read some of his stuff and the fact that he’s unemployed just means the job market has gotten more rational. I want the best writer out there, which means only one person is fit to pen the script: J.K. Rowlings.
As for casting, you need someone who projects the gravitas of being king of the ocean. I’m thinking Kiefer Sutherland should play me. Also, Shia LaBeouf should be in the movie somewhere as seems to be the custom for blockbusters these days.
Finally, it needs to stay true to the source material. I don’t want the executives meddling with it and casting Samuel L. Jackson as me and having him shout, “I’m tired of these bleepity-bloop fish in this bleepity-bloop sea!” because that tests well.
I think the studios should get working on this right away. Isn’t it exciting? What do you want to see in an Aquaman movie, Aquafans?

The Mystery Conservative Endorsement of Fred Thompson Is…

I'm a Fredhead!Me, Aquaman!
A lot of people have been asking me to weigh in on the Republican primary despite the fact that I vote in Maine which doesn’t exactly have a lot of pull on the decision process. Still, I think the fate of America, the world, and even the seas could rest on the next president of the United States, and I comfortable with that burden on the shoulders of Fred Thompson.
Since I first burst into the scenes in the 1940’s by fighting Nazis, people have always said, “That Aquaman is an American we can trust!” So trust me when I say a vote for Fred Thompson is important. I’ve talked to many a fish, and none of them are enthused by the other candidates. Now, you may, “But fish don’t vote.” Yes, but… hm… I thought I had a point…
Anyway, the Democrats are sure to either put Hillary or Obama as their candidate, and either one of them would be a disaster. Hillary Clinton scares fish. When she goes near the water, fish flee. And I’ve always said, “If fish don’t trust someone, I don’t trust someone.” As for Obama, he reminds me of my arch-nemesis Black Manta… and I’m not comparing the two because they’re black, but because their both shifty and I’m sure have hidden agendas.
So who on the Republican side can stand against such villainy? Not Rudy Giuliani, who refused me a ticker tape parade when I visited New York City. He didn’t even shake my hand. How about McCain? Well, he plans to fill the sea with Mexicans until there are no jobs left for honest octopi. As for Mitt Romney, last time he went swimming in the ocean the product in his hair killed all the sea life within a mile radius. And that rube Mike Huckabee wouldn’t know an Iran from an iPod or an inlet from an estuary.
Then there’s Ron Paul, but it’s hardly worth mentioning that he’s under the control of Darkseid.
That only leaves Fred Thompson. He has the experience and the leadership to fight evil and keep terrorists out of the oceans and even lakes. Vote for Fred Thompson, because Aquaman says its cool!
BTW, if you’re reading this, Fred Thompson, I know you have contacts in Hollywood, and I have a great idea for an Aquaman movie and who should play me. Please e-mail.

The Greatest Comic Book Event Ever!

You don't mess with Aquaman on his home turf!Prepare yourselves! In January comes the greatest fight ever: Aquaman versus Superman and Batman!

Let the bodies hit the (ocean) floor!

Sure, it’s that new Aquaman, because we all know how short that battle would be if it were me and my might versus those posers. Anyway, it’s a pretty even match up, so expect a huge underwater battle like you’ve never seen before! And what will DC comics do when two of their main characters will now be dead?
So who do you think will go down first: Superman or Batman? You’d think the smart thing to do would be to take out Batman first since he’s nothing and then go for the heavy hitter, but it would be pretty cool to thrash Superman and then go for Batman while he’s making the water around himself warmer.
Maybe after this I can get eightof my own series running concurrently like those two. Really, how many tales about a man dressed up like a Halloween costume and an nigh-invulnerable journalist can you tell? But with all that happens underwater, they’d never run out of stories. It’s time for the Aqua-revolution!
Anyway, the battle comes in January. Mark your calendars, fanboys!

The New Captain America

Notice I don't have a very large roster of reoccurring villains; I wonder why that is? (wink) (wink)Hello, Aquafans!
Marvel has released images of the new Captain America. The original, Steve Rogers, was gunned down recently (he probably should have tried using that shield of his to block the bullets; just a suggestion), but apparently some yet to be named person will be taking over and become the new Captain America… and he’s packing heat!

The new Captain America has a gun and testicles.

Good, I say. Regular Americans carry guns, so shouldn’t Captain America have tons of firearms? Frankly, Captain America not having a gun is like Captain Canada not riding a moose. Also, he used to shoot Nazis back in WWII, so he should be the first one in line to shoot terrorists now? If he were really Captain America, he’d be shooting so many terrorists that everyone else would be yelling, “Hey! Leave some for us to shoot, Cap!” But before his death, Captain America tended to throw his shield like a discus instead of shooting. How gay is that? Is Captain America supposed to represent all of America, or just San Francisco?
Now, I don’t usually carry a gun because they’re not very effective underwater (see various episodes of Mythbusters), but I do have a concealed carry permit from the state of Florida so I can carry when on dry land where my powers aren’t as effective. Batman gives me slack for that, but I don’t take lectures from grown men who run around in bat costumes.
I guess the main problem superheroes have with guns is that most superheroes go by a strict no killing rule. Yes, we have to save billions of lives from giant alien menaces, but heaven forbid we kill one of the bad guys in the process. Now, I’m not saying I kill bad guys; I’m just saying that the ocean is big and things happen.
Later, Aquafans!
UPDATE:
This is frontpage of FOXNews.com right now. I guess it was either this or Al Gore and his Nobel Douche Prize.

Defeating Superman

Superman is a sissy.Well, the execs at DC have pretty much killed Aquaman.
If you’ve been reading the Aquaman comic (and judging by the sales numbers, you haven’t), you’d know my character, Orin, was actually killed off in issue #50 and replaced by some teenage wannabe. Also, the new artists looks like he’d be more at home drawing episodes of the Smurfs (and what’s with making Aquafake’s eyes all black; is he part gerbil?). Thus, in an act of mercy killing, it looks like issue #57 will be the last of this Aquaman series.
That means it’s time to plan a comeback!
Obviously, they need to get rid of the phony new Aquaman and return me to center stage. It’s never a big deal to return a comic book character back to life, and I’m sure DC has a drawer full of scenarios to use. Next, we need some big event to make me popular again.
I think I should beat up Superman.
I’m not sure why I would fight Superman — that’s for the writers to figure out — I just know it would be a great story (also, it worked really well for Batman in The Dark Knight Returns back in the ’80s). Now, the challenge is for the beat Superman without kryptonite (any idiot can clunk him over the head with a chunk of green rock; I should be able to beat him with my powers alone).
Here’s my plan:
So, Superman has been ordered to bring me down (why, again, is up to the writers to figure out), and, me obviously being too big a threat for the rest of a Justice League, Superman starts to chase me down. Only thing is, even he’s not faster than me in the water (at least, he shouldn’t be). So I keep swimming away while commanding fish and whales to keep getting in Superman’s way. After a long chase, though, he corners me. So there Superman is in all his arrogant glory saying, “Don’t make me hurt you, Arthur.”
And then I smile. Because now I have him.
WHAM!
I send him flying back with a huge punch. I knock his arrogance right out of him and replace it with fear. Because, all this time he’s been chasing me, I’ve been leading him deeper and deeper and it was getting darker and darker until, from lack of exposure to the yellow sun, his strength starts to wane.
But I’m right in my element.
BAM! BIFF! POW!
I beat the crap out of him. And because I’m a nice guy, I bring the unconscious Superman back to the surface with a note pinned to his cape: “Don’t EVER come after me in MY ocean!”
…Wait, how am going to write a note underwater? Well, there are a few kinks to work out, but I think it’s an awesome plan. Write DC Comics and tell them you want Aquaman — the real Aquaman — to fight Superman and that you’ll buy ten copies each of it.

Overrated Superheroes: Wolverine

I'm also pretty sure Wolverine is gay.One of the biggest problems facing society today is children today is idolizing overrated superheroes. We can’t have our next generation aspiring to be like any loser. That’s why I’m disheartened to see who are some of the superheroes popular with kids these days. Arguably one of the most overrated superheroes is Wolverine.

Just shoot him in the face from ten yards.

Why the hell is this guy popular? He’s a short, hairy, Canadian whose main power is that he has knives on his hands. Yes, knives. Walk to the kitchen, pull a knife out of a drawer, and you’re now as powerful as Wolverine. Since he often operates under the superhero code where you can’t just kill villains, his powers end up even more useless. And how many situations have ever called for a guy with knives on his hands that couldn’t just be solved by carrying a Leatherman?
I guess, if the earth is invaded, the X-Men who can shoot lasers out his eyes, control the weather, and rip things apart with telekinesis will fight the aliens, and Wolverine can carve a turkey for when they get back.
Yeah, I know he also has his “healing factor” allowing him to quickly recover from any wound, but he kinda needs that since, being his only other power is the stupid knives, he’s going to get injured a lot. A lot. I mean constantly. He’d be the shortest lived superhero without it. Wolverine gets beat up so much, he wears the bright yellow costume so at least he won’t be involved hunting accidents as well.
The guy is a loser. If your kids think he’s cool, you should beat them.

Aquaman Reviews Comics

I just want two hands and the squid off my face.Hey, dickweeds. I’m a busy superhero, but I try to take time out of my day to follow what the other superheroes are doing. Thus, I thought I’d give you the benefit of a superhero’s opinion on superhero comics.
AQUAMAN COMIC REVIEWS
All-Star Superman #7 – I know a lot of people are raving about this series, but I had trouble following this one. Bizzaros attack from… somewhere… and then Superman saves everybody and puts them on… something. Then Superman goes to the Bizzaro home world and does… something to it. The art could be clearer. Also, how could Superman lose his powers in the end when this series started with him getting supercharged by the sun to point he’s dying (like that bastard could ever die)? I really just want more of Superman flying around punching things and shooting things with his eyes, because, really, that’s all he’s good for. I rate this one a scorpionfish.
By the way, make sure to lobby DC Comics so I get my own All-Star series. They better just make sure they get someone who can write more than one comic a year… unlike Frank Miller (with writing dialog for Batman like “Are you retarded or something?” you can see why it takes him so long).
Detective Comics #831 – Yet another comic of Batman dealing with threats that would only take up one panel in a comic if I were dealing with them. This time he has to deal with two women: One who knows how to do cartwheels (Harley Quinn) and one who has a puppet (the new Ventriloquist). I guess if your main weapon is a boomerang shaped like a bat, you’ll stick to enemies who could actually be defeated with said weapon. Really, why is Batman so popular? What problem ever called for a guy in bat suit armed with a boomerang?
Anyway, this comic has “character development” and “emotional content” if for some reason you read comics for that. I rate it a redtail catfish.
Punisher War Journal #6 – Like Batman, the Punisher has no super powers. The difference is that he’s smart enough to carry guns. Then again, he hasn’t fired one for like three issues. Still, this one could be the setup for an interesting story. Some masked villain is killing people to cause hatred on the American/Mexican border… and I don’t think he’s Tom Tancredo. So, the Punisher is heading to Mexico to “shoot him in the face.” He’s also supposed to don a Captain America like costume starting the next issue (he picked up Captain America’s mask when Captain America surrendered in the Marvel Civil War), and, frankly, isn’t someone with a huge arsenal of firearms a much better representation of America than some guy with an overgrown discus? It’s promising, so I rate it an orange roughy.
There was once a comic special in which the Punisher took on everyone in the Marvel universe. I think that would be a great idea with me: Aquaman vs. the DC Universe. Not sure what my motivation would be to kill everyone, but that would be a pretty awesome comic.
Amazing Spider-Man #539 – I’m a bit late on this one, but they’re more than a bit late on the follow ups. Anyway, with being hunted by the government and his aunt getting shot, Spider-Man has finally decided to man up and beat the crap out of everyone. Spider-Man always seemed like a little wuss to me, so it’s good to see him drop the stupid wisecracks and just start punching people. The return to the black suit is a bit gimmicky, but I liked this comic. I actually starting to believe MJ isn’t a beard. I rate it a nurse shark.
Iron Man #16 – Boring. Now that Iron Man is the director of S.H.I.E.L.D., apparently he has a lot of executive duties and not as much time blowing the crap out of stuff. If the main character of the comic has an armored suit that fires lasers, I expect more explosions and less status meetings (“Drafting a mission statement is no problem for the Invincible Iron-Man!”). Maybe the comic will get more interesting with the return of Iron Man’s arch-nemesis: The Ten-Ringed Chinaman! I rate this comic a short-finned eel.
Avengers: The Initiative #1 – Neat idea, at least. Now that all people with super powers have to be registered, the American government is putting together a superhero team for each of the fifty states. The new recruits this focuses on don’t seem that great so far; one actually has magical gas-riding powers. Also, I’m not sure how long this “The Initiative” Marvel gimmick is going to last. I rate this a California halibut.
Just so you know, if the government ever tried to force me to do anything, the terror I’d unleash on the shores would be unimaginable. All this living underwater has given me a bit of a libertarian streak.
Uncanny X-Men #485 – The current story line is called “The Rise and Fall of the Shi’ar Empire,” but a better name would be “A Bunch of Third-Tier X-Men No One Cares About Fighting Villains No One Cares About in Galaxy a Trillion Miles Away from Anything Anyone Cares About (Part 11 of 12).” The only way this series could redeem itself is if everyone dies in the last issue (including the current writer and penciler). I rate this a sea cucumber. (FUN FACT: I don’t know if I can command a sea cucumber because I’ve never been bored enough to try)
Aquaman #50 & #51 – This usually would be the main event, but the comic is still stuck on the “New Aquaman.” I’m left as the “Dweller of the Depths” who is a cross between Merlin and Davy Jones from the recent Pirate of the Caribbean movie. Luckily, they had the mercy to kill me off at the end of issue #50. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Green Lantern, and the Flash all came for my underwater funeral at the beginning of #51 (and Superman did wear a rebreather because, as I keep telling you, he cannot breathe underwater). I wouldn’t worry too much because I’ve been around since the forties and you can’t kill me off for good. I’m hoping I soon resurrect back in my normal form (including losing that stupid magical water hand for a regular punching hand). If that doesn’t happen soon, all the more reason you should all be writing letters to DC Comics for me to get my own All-Star comic.
Anyway, as for the story, there’s too much of it. The new writer is some scifi novelist named Tad Williams and he likes to write and write and write. I wish that was the worst of it, but the current artist draws everything in the comic so cartoony you expect Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck to join the adventure. Who makes an evil being that feeds off pain appear cute? Really, they need to bring me back to normal and have this new Aquaman be the new Aqualad (he can’t really command sea life yet, but maybe I can teach him). I rate the current comics a goldfish.
That’s all for now. You should know that the DC Comics and Marvel Comics big summer events are starting. For DC, it’s Amazons Attack, where the Amazons attack America in full force. Really, though, if the combined might of the superhero community and the US military can’t take on a bunch of chicks with spears, then America doesn’t deserve to exist. For Marvel, they have World War Hulk where Hulk returns to Earth to get vengeance on all the superheroes who did him wrong. Good luck to him.
You can write your opinion on the comics you’re reading in the comment section. I’m busy, so I probably won’t read any of what you write. Also, I don’t like any of you.

I Guess I’m the Weakest Superhero Ever

I can hurt you in so many different ways.A blue whale can be nearly one hundred feet in length and weigh over two hundred tons. I mention this because that is what I’m going to have ram you at forty miles per hour if you losers ever venture into MY OCEAN!
And yes, blue whales don’t usually swim that fast, BUT THEY DO WHEN I TELL THEM TO!
Really, I’m tired of you nothings trying to talk me down. Yes, on land my ability to communicate with marine life isn’t of much use. In such of situation, all I have to rely on is my super strength. So go ahead and make fun of me to my face if you meet me in a bar, because all I can do in response is embed your head into a concrete wall (actually, I can use my ability to telephatically control marine life to put you into a seizure, but the smashing your head into a wall is much more fun and satisfying).
By the way, I just slept with your girlfriend. I wouldn’t expect her to find you very interesting anymore.
Since nitwits like “facts” about weaklings like Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer, I thought I’d give you some facts about a real hero:
AQUAMAN FACTS
* Batman keeps a ring of kryptonite in a safe in case Superman goes berserk and Batman needs to take him down. What does Batman keep locked away in case Aquaman goes berserk? A gun to kill himself with.
* High tide — that’s Aquaman taking a leak.
* Why does marine life do as Aquaman commands? Because they all can feel pain and fear it.
* Aquaman doesn’t swim. He’s actually pulled in a current when the water flees him in fear.
* Pangea split into separate continents when Aquaman swam towards it and yelled, “Hey! You’re in my way!”
* Scientist theorize that the motivation for fish to evolve legs was so they could flee Aquaman.
There you go. Make your own and trade him with your friends. Time you guys get behind a real winner instead of the politicians you’ve been supporting as of late.
One last thing: Aquaman, like all real heroes, supports the troops and their mission. If you want to be like the Arthur Curry, support fighting evil. Last time a terrorist waded into the ocean, I had some crabs grab that piece of @#$% and hold him down while a couple clown fish slowly ate his eyes because I’m a sick bastard when I’m mad.

Time to Clear Up a Few Things

You're gay.Hey, homos; it’s Aquaman!
After my last post, I feel the need to clear up a few misconceptions. First off, it’s true that I beat up Nazis along side that wuss Captain America. Yes, he’s Marvel and I’m DC, but that’s just politics involving publication rights. So, not all my adventures get the press they deserve, but that’s okay; I’m not same glory-hog like certain men in tights.
Second, some of you seem to feel the need to question my sexuality. That’s a little thing called “projection.”
If that was too subtle, here it is again: You’re the one who’s gay.
In fact, this has to be the gayest site around because, judging from the comments, all the readers here are completely flaming.
Thirdly… well, I guess I should say something political…
Oh, I know: Guess who else is gay? Fred Thompson. Of course, he’s not as gay as this whole love fest going on here. I guess you guys will eat up any homo-erotic Chuck Norris facts ripoff.
Hey… that gives me an idea to build up popularity for a comeback…
Anyway, one final thing: Just because you’re in the ocean doesn’t mean you can pee anywhere you feel like it.

Captain America Is Dead!

Bulletproof.But I’m still here, so who cares?
We both arrived on the scene in 1941, and everyone already knew then he would eventually be gunned down like a dog while I would go on to rule the oceans (they cover two thirds of the earth). Wasn’t he the dumbest superhero ever? What did he have? Shield powers? You can’t talk to fish with a shiny metal shield.
“Watch out, villains! I’m going to duck behind my shield!” Well, judging by his death, I guess that strategy didn’t work very well.
The comics only showed the times he successfully punched a Nazi; most of the time he was getting beat up by them and calling me for help. And I’d go help the wuss… even though he was usually nowhere near water and I’d have to take a bus to get there. Then he’d take all the credit!
Yeah, the Aquaman/Captain America crossovers never got published either. But, really, if you had me in a comic with him, who would even notice Captain A-Hole?
So good riddance to bad rubbish. All he did was get in the way when villainy needed to be dealt with. Plus, he was a traitor to his name. While he shied away from the principles of WWII generation in order to spout left-wing talking points, I’ve remained just like all those who reached adulthood in the 40’s: Suspicious of anything new or interesting.
So, rot in hell you left-wing, pinko f[Rest of post removed by IMAO censors.]

IMAO Podcast Christmas Story

Remember last year when we didn’t have anything prepared for Christmas, so it was left up to the Token Jew to slap something together for the Christmas Special?
Ha ha ha ha… it kinda happened again.
This time around, I hoodwinked the group into putting together a 100 word story for my Weekly Challenge.
Harvey is the narrator.
Frank and Sarah play the part of the Loving Couple.
Right Wing Duck is their adorable child.
Spacemonkey is Santa.
(And Laurence Simon was the thud.)
This crowning achievement is the result.
Merry Christmas to everyone.