Hello, Aquafans!
Have you seen that Iron Man movie? I don’t really get that guy as a superhero. Basically, his suit is the superhero. Anyone could wear it and have his powers. I could wear it and have all of Iron Man’s powers plus be able to talk to fish (unless the suit acts like a Faraday cage and messes up my marine telepathy — which be a hugely idiotic design flaw).
Anyway, it’s done a ton of business, and if the world likes a movie about a B-list superhero, think of how much they’ll love one about one of the best known superheroes out there: Me, Aquaman!
Really, at this point there is not rational argument a studio can make about not going forward with an Aquaman movie. We just need to plan it to make sure it’s a success. First, we need some hot up-and-coming director of independent artsy films to do this as his first big budget studio film. Maybe whoever directed that Juno film everyone seems to like.
Next, we need a script. An awesome script penned by this era’s Shakespeare. I know some of you might suggest Frank J. should do it, but I’ve read some of his stuff and the fact that he’s unemployed just means the job market has gotten more rational. I want the best writer out there, which means only one person is fit to pen the script: J.K. Rowlings.
As for casting, you need someone who projects the gravitas of being king of the ocean. I’m thinking Kiefer Sutherland should play me. Also, Shia LaBeouf should be in the movie somewhere as seems to be the custom for blockbusters these days.
Finally, it needs to stay true to the source material. I don’t want the executives meddling with it and casting Samuel L. Jackson as me and having him shout, “I’m tired of these bleepity-bloop fish in this bleepity-bloop sea!” because that tests well.
I think the studios should get working on this right away. Isn’t it exciting? What do you want to see in an Aquaman movie, Aquafans?
Your untimely death, maybe? I think that would make for a great Aquaman movie!
The best thing about Iron Man is that they did their best to be non political; liberal hand-wringing is kept to a minimum. The scene at the end of Batman Begins, where a defeatist Lt. Gordon laments “escalation” ruined an otherwise excellent movie. Aquaman, on the other hand, would certainly be co-opted by Algore and his green zombies, making it into something about global warming/drowning polar bears/oceanic polution. Although, as a leader in the WE cult, perhaps that is your agenda.
Coming to a theater ner you: Aquaman starring in Brokeback Fountain.
SAVE THE WHALES, AQUAMAN!!! or kill them, I don’t actually care.
Giant genetically enhanced sea snakes, equipped with knock out gas canisters. Oh, and swarms of battle droids and the eventual world conquering by a benevolent dictator, yours truly. Plus hippie punching. Lots and lots of hippie punching.
COBRA LALALALALALALAL!
You’re a real dick; you know that?
Definbtely include a life or death end battle with mutant plankton.
I think we should also at least have some romantic drama, like Aquaman’s torid love affair with a blowfish.
And Aquaman could help “prove” the US Navy intentionally kills whales, dolphins, and members of Greenpeace with thier Evil SONAR…. Maybe it is an evil conspiracy between Japanese fishermen and the US Navy to wipe out the dolphins before the dolphins can show their Proof of Global Warming to the UN. Aquaman could get a UN Medal Of Humanity or some such silly thing at the end, as the war hero Navy SEAL turned Evil gets sentenced for crimes against Mother Earth.
An Aquaman movie absolutely MUST have a flashback/cameo with our hero rescuing Ted Kennedy, then becoming so enamored by The Swimmer that he forgets to go back for Mary Jo.
I’m thinkin’ that California would be an excellent location for filming based upon a recent state supreme court ruling! Rather than Sutherland, however who I believe is probably filming global warming episodes of 24…sigh…how about Rosie O’Donnell? She’s got a great mustache, balls and the panache of a Super Hero like You and you could time your announcement with Ellen’s pending wedding ceremony!
Naked Aquachicks.
I thought they already did that movie?
Didn’t Kevin Costner star in it?
Umm, Aquaman? Yes, I’d definitely want to see Aquaman in an “Aquaman” movie. And fish. Fish, too. And water.
Holy crap, now I kinda want to see Samuel L. Jackson as Aquaman, yelling about mo’fo’ing fish in the mo’fo’ing ocean.
I thought they already made an Aquaman movie. Wasn’t it called “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”?
Ok, I have to say it, because no one else has. . . It will have to have Vincent Chase(Adrian Grenier) in it.
Do I want an Aquaman movie?
Two words:
“No.”
[Pssst. Aqua Streez — that’s only one word.]
Ok. Not just ‘no’, hell no.
[Pssst. Aqua Streez — that’s more than two words. It’s more like eight.]
It is not 8, it’s 6 you moron.
[But 6 is more like 8 than it is like 2. Who’s the moron now?]
Erm.
The K lady said you have news Frank, are you going to share with the class?
Leonardo DiCaprio as Aquaman. He can have a torrid love affair with Al Gore.
I know, I know, it could start off with Aquaman recovering with his near death experience with sharks down in sunny Florida. Then it can develop from there as he tries to figure out what happened.
It won’t be about the movie but about which blonde hunk they get to star in it and how good he looks in a speedo.
Coming soon
Jimmy Smits as
El Hombre De Agua
Aquaman could discover that his international starfish arms manufacturing business is selling live starfish to land-dwelling air-breathers for use in dentists offices.
This shocks him so much that he stops all starfish arms sales completely, invoking the wrath of his friend FrankJ.
Waterworld, The Man from Atlantis, Seaquest all featured people who could breath underwater. Smallville guest stars Aquaman his ownself. Star Trek IV, The Journey Home featured Mr. Spock telepathically communicating with a humpbacked whale named Gracie. What more needs to be said about water breathing, fish talking, stalwart defenders of all things wet?
A Mortal Kombat type duel between him and Marvels’ Submariner might sell but it could be handled by the skilled craftsmen at Robot Chicken before the first commercial break.
Even Southpark doesn’t show Aquaman any respect. Jesus and His Super Best Friends featured Jesus, Mohommed, Joseph Smith, Bhudda and Vishnu as a team of super heros with one other guy, what was his name? He wore a orange, scale patterned shirt and neoprene pants … Oh yeah. Sea man. And everyone giggled every time they said his name. It really ticked him off.
I read Aquaman for a while when he had his left hand bitten off by pyrana and replaced it with a harpoon. DC runs with him for a while and then they seem to loose their train of thought, twist his world into knots and go running in a different direction. The last time I saw him his underwater city was being stomped by The Spectre, another DC character who can’t seem to find the right venue.
Just catching up old posts.
Are there going to be any Sea Monkeys in the movie?
Just askin’.
I’d like to see him get bitch slapped by the Submariner and cry.