When I’m working on my house, I like to pound the nails in with a large rock so I can pretend I’m a caveman working on his house.
Archive of entries posted on 22nd May 2008
Bin Laden: Muslims Must Lead Relief Effort to Burma
CAIRO, Egypt (AP) – In an audio tape posted on the internet, Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden said that Muslims across the world “must take action” to help the estimated 2.4 million Burmese affected by the tragic cyclone and subsequent flooding in Myanmar which left 125,000 people dead.
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“Although our holy Jihad against Jews and infidels (may their stomachs roast in hell) is important,” said Bin Laden, “even more important is the human tragedy in Burma. The Western nations natter and dither while innocents die because the Great Satan is indifferent to the fate of non-Christians. As Muslims, however, we do not have the luxury of indifference. Allah is a God of mercy and compassion. As his followers, we are compelled to be the instruments of that compassion.”
“Many Muslim nations,” continued Bin Laden, “are awash in oil wealth. In the name of Allah the all-giving and all-loving, we are obligated to use that wealth to the benefit of Allah’s neediest children, no matter where they are, and even though they do not share our beliefs. There is a time for the sword, but there is also a time for the hand of mercy and charity to lift up those in their hour of greatest desperation. The decadent West has failed, and it is up to the world’s Muslims to lift up the lamp of Islamic generosity to give hope to those who are now hopeless.”
Surprisingly, the terrorist leader and most wanted man in the world has vowed to risk his own life to personally bring aid to the decimated areas of Burma. “Although I am not a prophet with the greatness of Mohammed (peace be upon him), I am still a man,” said Al Qaeda’s #1, “and my fellow man is crying in sorrow. I, myself, will lead an aid mission into Burma as a visible missionary of succor to this devastated nation, though it may mean having to dodge sniper fire like other emissaries of peace have done before me.”
“I can only hope,” concluded Bin Laden, “that the rest of the world will follow the Muslim example, set aside their petty squabbles, and do the right thing to save innocent lives.”
Unstoppable
So is anything going to get Hillary Clinton to finally drop out of the primary? It’s like Obama could just fire a shotgun point blank into her and she’d just stand right back up and keep coming, hacking away at Obama’s campaign staff with a machete. She once caused Jason Voorhees to exclaim in frustration, “Why won’t she die?!” Hillary even recently vowed, “The only thing Obama will be president of is his own grave… upon which I shall dance! Muh ha ha ha!”
I have an idea for the Obama campaign: Have Hillary chase you through a series of tunnels until you can trap her and pour molten lead on her. Then pour water on her to cause her to rapidly cool and shatter. Or if while she’s tearing you apart at on a campaign boat, see if you can get an oxygen tank caught in her mouth and shoot it, exploding her. Or back on her home turf, have her chase you onto the Brooklyn Bridge to get her entangled in the suspension cables and then hit her with an F-18 strike. Or you could poison her with lots of Head & Shoulders shampoo. Or get her to burrow after you and then use a stick of dynamite to trick her into flying off a cliff. And you can always try fire. Lots of fire. Or holy water.
But be careful if it looks like you finally got her, though. She’ll grab you and try to make you fall of the building with her. Get that Rolex watch off and let her fall before she can get off one last shot.
Though, honestly, Obama, I think a noose hanging from the ceiling may be your only escape from her. Sorry, dude.
Real Hope
Proof that everyone in the Democrat Party can one day get along.