Archive of entries posted on 16th May 2008
Yippie Kay Yay America
If you find supporting John McCain unpalatable, here’s the next best thing.
Joblessness Falls
I got a job! The free t-shirt is claimed. I guess this will then be my last blog post. It’s been fun.
I kid! Actually, hopefully blogging will improve in quality now that I’ll be forced to better allocate my time to writing blog posts and force myself to write something the night before. Anyway, thanks for the help, prayers, and well wishes. And I’m pretty sure my own situation will be a leading indicator for the economy.
I Think We Can All Agree It’s Time for an Aquaman Movie
Hello, Aquafans!
Have you seen that Iron Man movie? I don’t really get that guy as a superhero. Basically, his suit is the superhero. Anyone could wear it and have his powers. I could wear it and have all of Iron Man’s powers plus be able to talk to fish (unless the suit acts like a Faraday cage and messes up my marine telepathy — which be a hugely idiotic design flaw).
Anyway, it’s done a ton of business, and if the world likes a movie about a B-list superhero, think of how much they’ll love one about one of the best known superheroes out there: Me, Aquaman!
Really, at this point there is not rational argument a studio can make about not going forward with an Aquaman movie. We just need to plan it to make sure it’s a success. First, we need some hot up-and-coming director of independent artsy films to do this as his first big budget studio film. Maybe whoever directed that Juno film everyone seems to like.
Next, we need a script. An awesome script penned by this era’s Shakespeare. I know some of you might suggest Frank J. should do it, but I’ve read some of his stuff and the fact that he’s unemployed just means the job market has gotten more rational. I want the best writer out there, which means only one person is fit to pen the script: J.K. Rowlings.
As for casting, you need someone who projects the gravitas of being king of the ocean. I’m thinking Kiefer Sutherland should play me. Also, Shia LaBeouf should be in the movie somewhere as seems to be the custom for blockbusters these days.
Finally, it needs to stay true to the source material. I don’t want the executives meddling with it and casting Samuel L. Jackson as me and having him shout, “I’m tired of these bleepity-bloop fish in this bleepity-bloop sea!” because that tests well.
I think the studios should get working on this right away. Isn’t it exciting? What do you want to see in an Aquaman movie, Aquafans?
Ignore IMAO at Your Own Peril
So now McCain is inviting nutroots blogs in his campaign conference calls, but still no IMAO? I really should talk to his friend Fred Thompson — Mary Katharine Ham’s coblogger who I was just on the phone with the other day — and tell him to set McCain straight. A friendly relation with IMAO would be a good way to try and win the support of the pro-hippy punching segment of society who are usually key to a GOP victory. Also, so far no one has had the courage to ask him his stance on nuclear attacks on natural satellites.
IMAO is the future. The current Republican leadership needs to be nice to us or we’re not going to visit them in the nursing home when we’re in charge.
UPDATE:
Apparently I’m not the only prominent conservative blogger who was excluded. Her complaining as already gotten results, though. I need to learn to complain better.
Idea
Then Again, Who Doesn’t Rail Against Whitey Every Now and Then?
Dude, please let this be true. That would be so awesome.
Luckily, Obama already has the nomination locked up. Luckily for us, I mean.
For Jimmy
Who put the idea in my head in a comment to this post.