Threats to Our Great Nation

I think the first thing people think of when they hear the name IMAO is “vigilance.” While our nation is great, there are many threats facing it, and it has always been the job of IMAO to list those threats so we can later tackle them when we have nothing better to do.
THREATS TO OUR GREAT NATION
* Terrorism
* Illegal Immigration
* Crime
* Drugs
* The Capital Gains Tax
* Childhood Obesity
* Hippies
* Gay Marriage
* Potholes
* That Noise Kids These Days Call Music
* Dingos
* Even Gayer Marriage
* Whole Foods
* That Singing Guy from the FreeCreditReport.com Commercials
* Simians
* The Amish
* Hope When Combined With Change
* Lawn Darts
* The Irish
* Clamshell Packaging
* Diet Coke When Combined With Mentos
* The Moon
* Your Face
As I said before, this is only a list of threats to our great nation that I don’t necessarily have solutions for. If you run into one of these threats before I do come up with said solution, just try shooting it with a gun for now. That probably works more than half the time, anyway.

lolterizt! Part 48

I’m noticing two dropoffs – post rating and reader contributions.
Looking for some feedback – what do I need here? Better pictures? Better captions? Or is the whole concept just way too 2007?
Gimme some tough love.
Meanwhile, once again, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


belong 2 us.jpg
[reference link]
cant kwit u.jpg
hide n seek.jpg
i believe.jpg
i found it.jpg
terrorist puppet.jpg
we luv u.jpg


From ColoradoRight:
good cooking.jpg
Two from Xaetognath:
foot on fire.jpg
noogie.jpg
Two from acrazymic:
rosies virgins.jpg
who farted.jpg


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Random Thought

If all my possession could fit in a handkerchief tied to the end of a stick, I could be happy as a hobo.

So Are We Going to Be Tried Before the Hague If We Don’t Vote for Obama?

Apparently the U.N. is investigating racism in America. Due to the lack of problems in the rest of the world, I guess the only thing left to do was investigate racism in the least racist country in the world. I mean, is there any country in the world more integrated than the U.S.? Is there any even close?
They’re sending Doudou Diene to do the investigation. That seems a bit like entrapment, since you could just be calling the guy by his actual name and it will sound like you’re using a racial slur. I already know how this is going to end, anyway: The conclusion will be that America is horribly racist and the blame will fall on Israel. A number of despots are going to pause from torturing their citizens to express outrage and demand a U.N. resolution calling for the destruction of Israel. The resolution will pass with only Israel, the U.S., and Micronesia voting against it. Nothing will happen. Total cost to us: One billion dollars.
It might seem like a big waste, but wouldn’t it be a worse world if murderous dictators devoted their time to things more productive than the U.N.?