Primary Open Thread

Inconclusive, but probably overall a victory for Hope as well as Change.
Here’s a neat story about Indiana’s new law requiring ID to vote (that’s crazy!). One guy even used an improper ID even though he had a state driver’s license just so he could complain about being disenfranchised. That’s liberals for you; they like to complain, especially about unimportant pissy little things. You can punch them for it, but then they’ll complain about that!
Solution: Punch them once more. They shut up after the second punch.

A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 25 – Looking Beyond

PREVIOUS
As usual, Doug had no idea what was going on.
He seemed to be strapped to a table. There was odd machinery all around him humming as it went about its unknown purpose. The hum eventually ceased, the machinery moved away, and table repositioned itself so now that Doug was held upright.
“You’re awake.” In the room was a bald man in a lab coat, his eyes concealed behind dark goggles. His face was pot marked, and he approached Doug in an awkward gait.
“What’s going on?” Doug asked, his voice a bit slurred. He felt like he must have been drugged as he was a bit dizzy and had trouble focusing.
The man approached a computer console. “I’m checking your multi-dimensional signature,” he said in a complete monotone. “It looks the same as that for any of the Last Children.” He looked at Doug. “I’ve heard things about you, though, and needed to check.”
There was something quite odd to this man, though Doug couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He looked human — certainly not perfect like the Hallowed — but there was an inhuman quality to him as well. It was if the man’s existence just perturbed Doug, much like the cube.
The cube! Doug saw it on a pedestal, some more machinery around it. Though his arms were strapped tight to the table, he still felt like he could reach out and touch the cube.
There was a loud beeping, and the man lurched over to the cube and pressed some buttons on the equipment. “So, Doug, do you have any idea what is inside this object?”
Doug was about to answer, but he got caught up again in how odd the man is. It wasn’t his voice. It wasn’t his appearance. It was something odd to just his existence, as far as Doug could understand. “You’re one of the Transcendents.”
“Interesting you would conclude that.” He walked back over to Doug, looking at him with his expressionless face and hidden eyes. “It is correct, though. I am called Ronove. I created myself this human body — not a simple thing — because I find operating out of the rules of this universe can affect my experiments. We are not natural to this world, and you can see the wastelands as evidence of that. Our mere presence in this manner has caused the universe to break down in places — but at least it seems to no longer be a growing problem.”
“You do experiments?”
“This universe is a point of reference to all the others. I find to understand all there is and how it connects, I need to observe things from this universe.” He walked back to the cube. “Take this device. It is a small, insignificant looking thing here, but it appears to be something quite immense anchored to the three spatial and one temporal dimension you are quite used to.” He touched it. “Do you why there are rodents drawn into its sides?”
“I think Lulu put them there because the cube scared her.” It surprised Doug how quickly he volunteered the information. He felt a bit out of control of himself.
“So that is unimportant — as I thought. Now, Doug, once again I ask, what do you think is in this?”
“The barrier that kept you out of this world.” Doug said, hearing that idea for the first time as he said it. It seemed to make sense, though.
“That is the theory.” Ronove hobbled close to Doug. He really looked quite uncomfortable in his human body. “Now who told you of this?”
“Stan. He said he is the Devil.” Doug couldn’t stop himself from speaking, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to stop. “He told me about you all. That you’re demons. You’re evil… but I think I knew that already.”
“Yes, that sound like him — the Outsider as we know him. It’s interesting how he fits himself into your old mythology, because much like the Devil of the Bible, he means ill for us all — human and otherwise.”
“I don’t trust him, but I don’t think he’s lied to me.”
Ronove slowly walked over to another computer console. “The Outsider made the cube. He is quite wily, so I doubt it will be easy to determine whether the device is truly powerful or merely a distraction he made for his own purposes. What I think I can conclude is that you are not the Outsider taken human form as Asmod suspected. It seems more to the Outsider’s character that he would manipulate a human to his purposes. What is different is how overt he has been in that — to come out and even identify himself in his own way.”
Doug’s table began to move placing him horizontal once again. “What are you going to do to me?”
“I will not try to understand what the Outsider’s plans were for you.” Ronove walked over and stood above Doug. He smelled horrible; Doug suspected he didn’t take particularly good care of his body. “As far as I’m concerned,” Ronove continued, “there is nothing more I can learn about him from you, so I might as well go ahead and use you to learn other things. You might be interested to know that some of that biblical mythology has basis in fact. The human soul can be a somewhat powerful thing, and prayers can help focus it.” Ronove walked out of view and it sounded like he was working some equipment. “It’s more the visualization than the plea to the concept of a supreme being, but the effects on probability are measurable from a certain dimensional perspective. Our altering of this world’s barrier have changed all that, though.” He walked back to Doug and looked down on him with a certain smug satisfaction though his expression was an empty as always. “I can now say with scientific certainty that your prayers are futile.”
The table moved so now Doug was enclosed within a tube. It was dark, but he could see a number of glowing probes. He struggled to get out, but he had no energy to fight. “What are you doing?!”
“Though your souls have no power, they still are impediments to us,” Ronove said from somewhere outside the tube. “I’m trying to figure out how to destroy those impediments.”
“You’re going to destroy my soul?” Doug got a small burst of energy for struggling, but it was of no use. “What happens to me if you do that?”
“Hopefully we’ll find out very soon.” Though Ronove’s voice was still completely monotone, Doug could somehow sense a laugh following that statement. “Do not worry, though; this won’t hurt.” The probes began to glow brighter. “Pain is something your mind can comprehend. This should be much worse than pain.”
NEXT

Question

Tonight shouldn’t decide anything about the Democrat Primary, so at what point does the DNC need to come out and say, “Sorry, looks like we can’t decide on a candidate. Go ahead and start the general election cycle without us; I don’t think we’re going to get things together to participate this year.”?

Democrat Primaries Tonight

There are Democrat primaries in Indiana and North Carolina tonight and Hillary Clinton campaign sent out this statement:

Our own polling shows that Senator Clinton is down by 100% in both states, and because of Senator Obama’s negative campaigning, it will be amazing if Senator Clinton gets even one vote. Were she to get four or five votes, that would be an amazing victory for Senator Clinton to beat expectations by that much. Were she to get more than that — well that’s just foolish speculations of such an amazingly fantastic outcome that I don’t even think we should bother commenting on it. We’re just hoping that Senator Clinton get perhaps eight votes total between the two races, though we’ll be quite happy with six.

I don’t know; do you think they’re strategically trying to lower expectations so they can better claim a huge victory tonight?

lolterizt! Part 46

Just in case Hillary tanks in Indiana & North Carolina and decides to drop out, I’m making next week a special lolhilry! version. Caption up your favorite Hil-pic and send it to lolterizt-at-gmail.com by midnight next Saturday, May 10th (I usually start putting these together on Sundays).
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you post your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


eskimo kiss.jpg
fudd terizt.jpg
ice cream truck.jpg
ladies room.jpg
medium rare.jpg
my yellow brick road.jpg
[wtf is this image?]


From Geah:
99luftballoons.jpg
[reference link]
From Windbag:
got 72.jpg
From Bryan:
dance_line.jpg
From Raving Lunatic:
sheep crabs.jpg
From Xaetognath:
bunny AP.jpg
From acrazymic:
unsafe driving.jpg


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

If Only McCain Were More Like This

McCain Declines Secret Service, Dares Assassins To Try Something