Been busy for me lately, so I’m having trouble finding time to sit down and write some more of Hellbender (plus regular blogging gets precedence). Also, these next parts are getting more complicated so its harder to just spit it all out. Still, I am really anxious to get back to it soon, and I promise to finish it this time.
You can use this comment section to speculate what happens next. I predict explosions!
Archive of entries posted on 21st May 2008
Top Ten Ways the Democrat National Convention Could Be Even Lamer
Apparently the Democrat National Convention, not being lame enough just by being full of Democrats, is also going to ban fried food, bottled water, and anything that isn’t organic. And at the end of the event, they’ll calculate your carbon footprint so you can offset it with the appropriate amount of magic beans. With all the racialness in their primary, it’s still pretty obvious all the convention planning is being done by white people. It really sounds like they’re just going to spend the convention sipping wheat grass juice while talking about how terrorism can be defeated by recycling. Really, why don’t they just all come out of the closet and hold the thing at a gay bathhouse. Once again I ask how any men can be a part of these people? They must have booths there offering the spaying or neutering of husbands.
Still, there are ways the Democrat National Convention could be even worse. In fact, there are at least ten ways which I will proceed to list an ordered form.
TOP TEN WAYS THE DEMOCRAT NATIONAL CONVENTION COULD BE EVEN LAMER
10. Only the most carbon neutral entertainment allowed: Mimes.
9. Every hour they turn on FOX News for two minutes of hate.
8. Second day is all freestyle poetry.
7. Celebratory balloons being dropped on crowd replaced with much more biodegradable dyed hay.
6. Tolerance competitions!
5. To waste less electricity on microphones, all speakers will communicate through sign language.
4. Keynote speaker: Walter Mondale.
3. They announce that the Democrats’ symbol of the donkey is to be replaced with the much more appropriate Queen of the Faeries.
2. All signs must include an Esperanto translation.
And the number one way the Democrat National Convention could be even lamer…
Continue reading ‘Top Ten Ways the Democrat National Convention Could Be Even Lamer’ »
US Military Apologizes For Wasting Precious Bullets on Stupid Koran
BAGHDAD (AP) – An American soldier used a Koran, the Islamic holy book, for target practice in a predominantly Sunni area west of Baghdad, prompting an apology from the U.S. military, a spokesman said Sunday.
“I come before you here seeking your forgiveness,” Maj. Gen. Jeffery Hammond was quoted as saying. “In the most humble manner, I look in your eyes today and I say, ‘please forgive me and my soldiers’.”
“I know Americans are concerned about the cost of this war,” the General said, “and bullets aren’t cheap. We shouldn’t waste them on shooting books that are full of stupid ideology when they would be far more cost-effective being shot into towel-wrapped heads full of stupid ideology.”
“There’s a right and wrong way to use munitions,” continued Hammond. “and the right way is the way that gives America the best bang for its buck – no pun intended. If destroying enemy propaganda were the key to victory, then we’d be strapping bricks of C4 to crates of Fahrenheit 9/11 DVD’s. But the fact is that dead jihadis – and not shredded books – are the only way to win this war. Yes, desecrated Korans are a nice bonus, but really, people, that’s what toilets are for. Let’s focus on the mission.”
“I want to be clear on one point, though,” concluded the General. “I’m not saying American troops should never shoot at Korans, I’m just saying that if they ARE going to shoot at a Koran, they should make sure there’s a terrorist standing behind it.”
Random Thought
He’s Still In It to Win It!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
RON PAUL!
Ron Paul is basically just a punchline now, but I actually heard a Ron Paul ad on a country music station the other morning. If you’re wondering where the millions of dollars gullible losers threw at Ron Paul was going, well now you have your answer.
Seriously, though, if Ron Paul increases his standing and manages to get 10% of the vote in the Idaho Republican caucus next Tuesday, he’ll only need to get 10,000% of the remaining delegate to beat McCain.
Say it with me…
RON PAUL!
If Thomas Jefferson were a creepy looking crank, he’d be Ron Paul.