BAGHDAD (AP) – An American soldier used a Koran, the Islamic holy book, for target practice in a predominantly Sunni area west of Baghdad, prompting an apology from the U.S. military, a spokesman said Sunday.
“I come before you here seeking your forgiveness,” Maj. Gen. Jeffery Hammond was quoted as saying. “In the most humble manner, I look in your eyes today and I say, ‘please forgive me and my soldiers’.”
“I know Americans are concerned about the cost of this war,” the General said, “and bullets aren’t cheap. We shouldn’t waste them on shooting books that are full of stupid ideology when they would be far more cost-effective being shot into towel-wrapped heads full of stupid ideology.”
“There’s a right and wrong way to use munitions,” continued Hammond. “and the right way is the way that gives America the best bang for its buck – no pun intended. If destroying enemy propaganda were the key to victory, then we’d be strapping bricks of C4 to crates of Fahrenheit 9/11 DVD’s. But the fact is that dead jihadis – and not shredded books – are the only way to win this war. Yes, desecrated Korans are a nice bonus, but really, people, that’s what toilets are for. Let’s focus on the mission.”
“I want to be clear on one point, though,” concluded the General. “I’m not saying American troops should never shoot at Korans, I’m just saying that if they ARE going to shoot at a Koran, they should make sure there’s a terrorist standing behind it.”
No wonder ammo is so expensive. To me that is a worse crises then the cost of gas. Anyone know a great place to get new ammo cheap? I know, I know, reload your own rounds. That is good for practice ammo, but I am talking about good high quality duty ammo.
That’s bad, Harvey. Funny, but very very bad.
I do not recommend shooting a Koran with a terrorist behind it, because dense books of uninspired Mohammedan gibberish often stop bullets. One excellent target material is an “X” made from strips of fresh bacon affixed to said terrorist.
Yeah, it’s ok to shoot the messenger. But not the message. Funny, Harvey. 5 Chuckles.
It was also a shameful waste of toilet paper!
SUPER funny, Harvey! You’ve done it again. Nice job.
The best kept secret is that Korans burn much cleaner than coal. Thus, am I the only one who sees a solution to the current energy policy?
“I’m just saying that if they ARE going to shoot at a Koran, they should make sure there’s a terrorist standing behind it.”
Or in front of it.
Better than anything I’ve read at The Onion, Harvey.
The crappers over their are so very shabby, don’t you think that flushing them would only add to the problems of that country. I mean! One of the reasons we are their in the first place was to give them better pluming, electricity, and TV, so flushing the book of racism and hate would not solve a thing. Although It looks like it would be a tasty flavoring when used to smoke a ham! UMMMMMM Koran smokey
My Pa told me about a buddy on his back in WWII who always carried a small book of prayers in his shirt pocket for luck. One day he was struck by an enemy bullet and it passed through every page of that little book but for the last one. “Gosh!”, I said in youthful awe, “That was like a miracle!”. “ya, I ‘spose,” my Pa replied, “Damn shame, really, about the other 17 bullets!”.
You fools! One does not flush a whole Koran down a toilet. It is more correct to remove pages one by one and purify one’s backside with them, then flush them. We Hindus know how to do these things!
OF his back in WWII, not ON his back in WWII! OF OF OF! They weren’t that kind of buddies. Whew! Glad my dad doesn’t have a computer! He’d beat my ass with his walker for a goof like that!
Singlemuslim.com has three ads on this page. This is absolute proof that there is a God, and he has a sick sense of humor.
NO PRINTED MATERIAL, not even the New York Yellow pages, can stop a bullet of proper caliber and velocity, regardless of the religious ideologies.
It’s all in the details