Hello, Aquafans!
Marvel has released images of the new Captain America. The original, Steve Rogers, was gunned down recently (he probably should have tried using that shield of his to block the bullets; just a suggestion), but apparently some yet to be named person will be taking over and become the new Captain America… and he’s packing heat!
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Good, I say. Regular Americans carry guns, so shouldn’t Captain America have tons of firearms? Frankly, Captain America not having a gun is like Captain Canada not riding a moose. Also, he used to shoot Nazis back in WWII, so he should be the first one in line to shoot terrorists now? If he were really Captain America, he’d be shooting so many terrorists that everyone else would be yelling, “Hey! Leave some for us to shoot, Cap!” But before his death, Captain America tended to throw his shield like a discus instead of shooting. How gay is that? Is Captain America supposed to represent all of America, or just San Francisco?
Now, I don’t usually carry a gun because they’re not very effective underwater (see various episodes of Mythbusters), but I do have a concealed carry permit from the state of Florida so I can carry when on dry land where my powers aren’t as effective. Batman gives me slack for that, but I don’t take lectures from grown men who run around in bat costumes.
I guess the main problem superheroes have with guns is that most superheroes go by a strict no killing rule. Yes, we have to save billions of lives from giant alien menaces, but heaven forbid we kill one of the bad guys in the process. Now, I’m not saying I kill bad guys; I’m just saying that the ocean is big and things happen.
Later, Aquafans!
UPDATE:
This is frontpage of FOXNews.com right now. I guess it was either this or Al Gore and his Nobel Douche Prize.
We already have our new Captain America… and he’s running for President, he’s Fred Thompson and if he leaves any terrorists unshot it will just be out of kindness so our armed forces don’t get bored.
Yay! Aquaman’s back! Let the mocking commence! I’d personally have a lot more respect for him if he would lay off of Batman. Everyone knows that Batman is the best superhero around!
They better give him a .45 and not some wimpy 9mm junk.
“My, Captain America, what a big gun you have.”
“The better to kill terrorists with, my dear.”
Dammit Matt, you took my comment! I was going to draw parallels with The Fred, only it would have been more like, “No one will become the new Captain America, but Captain America will become Fred Thompson.” Or perhaps, “Fred Thompson is Captain America’s secret identity.” Something cool like that.
This country does need a few superheroes. You know, the kind that conquers the bad guys in 28 minutes and then rescues a kitten from a tree.
Kinda like when Superman showed up at Little Ricky’s birthday party and ended up rescuing Lucy when she was trapped on the ledge of their apartment building.
I wonder how one goes about getting hired as a superhero? Is it a matter of filling out an application, or is it more picking out your spandex outfit and hanging out a shingle, like a self-employment thing? And if the latter, do they have to pay their own taxes and health benefits? What about liability coverage, since ya know the bad guys who get taken down are gonna file all sorts of frivolous lawsuits about how their freedom to commit mayhem was denied by the professional do-gooder.
Oh never mind. It’s Friday and I’m off caffeine.
Yeah, but it’s a tiny gun. I was envisioning something more Rambo-ish.
Besides it probably isn’t even loaded. I guarantee that his first act of using the gun will involve pistol whipping.
Captain America tended to throw his shield like a discus
I finally figured out who transcribes these for Aquaman, it has to be FrnakJ, how else to explain the misspelling of the word “dingus”?
I do have a question, why not just make him Big Shot instead?
Big Shot of course is the man the Tick described as “My favorite emotionally unbalanced gun toting vigilante!”
//I wonder how one goes about getting hired as a superhero?//
I always thought you had to start out as a sidekick first, ojt experience, learn the ropes,the basic moves, the spankings…oops, I’m sorry I’m getting mixed up with concubine training again.
Anyway my Benevolent Overlord Kal El has expounded to me that killing the badguy IS acceptable if a loved one is at stake…or tied to a stake…something like that.
That’s a funny looking elliptical moon on his chest. Looks more like an egg. What kind of moon is that for America? We can’t nuke THAT!
Is it just me or does the new Captain America look like Fred Thompson with a big-ass “A” on his forehead??
If Fred! can’t be the new Captain America, can we please get the Punisher to fill the gap? I mean, have you read this month’s Punisher War Journal? I kicked some serious @$$, and then saved the kitten for the little girl.
Plus, he’s got some SERIOUS weapons.
Sorry. I meant HE kicked some serious @$$. Just didn’t complete my thought…
How did Aquaman survive? Didn’t Frank kill him off months ago? I suspect this guy may be a fake. Doesn’t Iran have a secret superhero cloning facility?
On a non-political note, can there really be anyone good enough to fill Steve Rogers’ shoes? I mean, he was Captain frickin America! This new Cap better be a clone or something.
Pulls Comic Geek hat out of closet You guys know that Cap has actually killed someone with his shield? Baron Blood, a nazi vampire got decapitated with it. He didn’t even throw it to do it. Just wham! No more nazi vampire. Of course a gun is a bit more efficient than a shield though. Looks like he’s carrying a .45. That’s cool and all, but shouldn’t he be carrying some sort of hand held field artillery? I’m sure he the Punisher has some used stuff he could get for cheap.
They better give him a .45 and not some wimpy 9mm junk.
They’d give him a Desert Eagle, but Captain Israel has one already. Captain America should use a Colt.