Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
President Obama proudly introduces the future of automobiles…
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They will be made by the US government, cost twice the average family income, average one major failure per thousand miles, and provide all the excitement that the Yugo did.
…which is incapable of turning to the right. Constant left turns sometimes sends it into ditches; the accompanying manual says this is somehow caused by previous drivers.
… a bicycle. You fat Americans need more exercise, and POTUS, FLOTUS, and TOTUS is going to make sure you get it! You stupid bitter clingers just don’t know what’s good for you!
It’s sorta like a segway but the wheels are too small, the battery ignites randomly, they are all keyed exactly the same, and the gyros are installed sideways so its always going in reverse.
President Obama Proudly Introduces the Future of Automobiles… For the next 100 years they’ll all be built at the Government Motors plant in Jaynesville, Wisconsin. And if you believe that, then you’ll believe Amanda Mitchell’s a woman.
President Obama Proudly Introduces the Future of Automobiles… One word: Monorail! Obama then tries to get everyone to sing The Simpson’s “Monorail Song” while the press nervously laughs and secretly prays Joe Biden will say something clever like, “I once put a pine scented air freshener all the way up my nose.”
President Obama Proudly Introduces the Future of Automobiles… It’s called the Government Motors Dolt! The driver’s seat is always vacant, it costs an incalculable amount of money, and it stalls no matter what’s done to get it moving forward.
…and it somehow manages to catch fire despite literally just being a red rocket towed by a mule (which must be fed only premium organic fair trade melons from Madagascar). MSRP $42k, fuel savings per year, $10.92.
designed by and for Joe Biden. It’s a plastic steering wheel with solar powered flashing lights. You must provide your own vrooom vroom sound. Joe thinks he’s driving. It’s adorable.
which is a Delorean with a flux capacitor so he can go back in time and put himself out of his misery before he became a laughingstock to future generations.
…It’s the greatest car EVER! It can drive itself, it can fly, and even travel through time! It doesn’t even use fossil fuels -it runs completely on unicorn farts! …Unfortunately, due to republican policies, unicorns are now extinct. -Just one more American dream destroyed by George Bush.
It removes CO2 from the air as it runs, gives off clean water and oxygen as emissions, and will be made by Solyndra for a small Government investment of $500 billion.
…it will decide for you how far you NEED to go and where. After all, people don’t know what’s good for them.
…in the future there will be no need for you to go anywhere. You will be delivered to your government-approved address where you will live out your happy carefree life while the benevolent government brings you everything you need…food, welfare checks, voter ballots, and of course, a letter from the Death Panel when it’s time to start taking pain pills.
They will be made by the US government, cost twice the average family income, average one major failure per thousand miles, and provide all the excitement that the Yugo did.
and this time somebody else did build it, in China.
…and man, are they snazzy!!!
(Posted in the wrong thread! Tisk tisk.)
…which is incapable of turning to the right. Constant left turns sometimes sends it into ditches; the accompanying manual says this is somehow caused by previous drivers.
…a mule.
… a bicycle. You fat Americans need more exercise, and POTUS, FLOTUS, and TOTUS is going to make sure you get it! You stupid bitter clingers just don’t know what’s good for you!
…there isn’t one.
…it’s called the “Zil”
…like all of his successes, it’s imaginary
…it’s called the Volt – production has already cancelled
…the driver’s seat must be empty for it to work
…then someone, probably a racist, informed him just because a mop bucket has wheels, it isn’t a car… even if it is stuck on his head.
It’s sorta like a segway but the wheels are too small, the battery ignites randomly, they are all keyed exactly the same, and the gyros are installed sideways so its always going in reverse.
…an empty seat.
…Mad Max was unavailable for comment.
…it moves by you getting in and running like Fred Flintstone.
The Conestoga Wagon! Proudly going Forward by fondly looking Backward.
Carhenge
…He has just enacted an executive order outlawing all of them “for the good of all Americans”, because he knows best.
Carhenge
(helps to put http on front of the url)
2 words: golf carts!
As seen in Cuba.
Cars will no longer be measured in horsepower. They’ll now be measured in dogpower.
Trains!
…and it’s bleak.
President Obama Proudly Introduces the Future of Automobiles… For the next 100 years they’ll all be built at the Government Motors plant in Jaynesville, Wisconsin. And if you believe that, then you’ll believe Amanda Mitchell’s a woman.
…and it’s Ford/Mazda! (I drive a Zoom Zoom.)
(Criticism in 3… 2… 1…)
President Obama Proudly Introduces the Future of Automobiles…its called the Steam-Volt. It runs on the steam created from the fire.
President Obama Proudly Introduces the Future of Automobiles… One word: Monorail! Obama then tries to get everyone to sing The Simpson’s “Monorail Song” while the press nervously laughs and secretly prays Joe Biden will say something clever like, “I once put a pine scented air freshener all the way up my nose.”
…it runs on green fuels…unless you feed your horse oats instead of grass.
and it involves gas so expensive even white people get shot putting it in their cars.
where cars run on hope and change and then run on hate and changing the subject.
President Obama Proudly Introduces the Future of Automobiles… It’s called the Government Motors Dolt! The driver’s seat is always vacant, it costs an incalculable amount of money, and it stalls no matter what’s done to get it moving forward.
o % interest and 0 payments…oh wait that was the housing crisis.
or, he would if it wasn’t so hot out today.
which will be powered by Solyent Green energy made from the funemployed, thus reducing unemployment at the same time.
which will not be built in America.
which has a voice console that shrieks “It’s Bush’s fault,” whenever one drives into a ditch.
called the Rickshaw.
which will come with a built in canine rotissery standard.
…and it somehow manages to catch fire despite literally just being a red rocket towed by a mule (which must be fed only premium organic fair trade melons from Madagascar). MSRP $42k, fuel savings per year, $10.92.
powered by imagination.
designed by and for Joe Biden. It’s a plastic steering wheel with solar powered flashing lights. You must provide your own vrooom vroom sound. Joe thinks he’s driving. It’s adorable.
with integrated robotic control. Will automatically accelerate when it detects a dog and/or alleged racist in the road ahead.
which turned out to be a Honda with a new paint job and a GM decal stuck on the bumper.
with special UV filtering windows equipped with race-stealth technology to prevent being pulled over for driving while black.
called the new Fast and Furious Malibu, which comes with hidden gun smuggling compartments and Mexican GPS standard. Government tested, ATF approved.
which is a Delorean with a flux capacitor so he can go back in time and put himself out of his misery before he became a laughingstock to future generations.
…It’s the greatest car EVER! It can drive itself, it can fly, and even travel through time! It doesn’t even use fossil fuels -it runs completely on unicorn farts! …Unfortunately, due to republican policies, unicorns are now extinct. -Just one more American dream destroyed by George Bush.
It removes CO2 from the air as it runs, gives off clean water and oxygen as emissions, and will be made by Solyndra for a small Government investment of $500 billion.
As part of his bread lines and circus cars vision of the future.
which comes with the suicide car bomb as a standard feature.
It comes ion either white or black footware annd has available training wheels for Joe Biden.
There was Matchbox. There was Hot Wheels. Now there’s Bo’s!
It gets 50 lies to the gallon.
Plenty of room in the trunk for your golf clubs or political baggage you don’t want.
Made in Canada.
However, once you drive over 250,000 miles you have to pay a higher percentage price for gasoline.
When you drive you will have to pay an Eastwood tax for every empty seat.
…a new pair of government subsidized walking shoe made entirely out of recycled paper and guaranteed not to catch on fire.
…….they’ll be pulled by a team of successful entrepreneurs who are being punished for the sin of succeeding where so many others have failed.
Notomobiles
Unfortunately, the “Trabant” was already trademarked, so he called it the “Volt.”
They will be totally electronic, battery fire proof, extremely fast, very luxurious and limited only by the length of the extension cord.
…you have to buy it to find out what it is.
also, you can’t not buy it. It’s mandatory.
…it will decide for you how far you NEED to go and where. After all, people don’t know what’s good for them.
…in the future there will be no need for you to go anywhere. You will be delivered to your government-approved address where you will live out your happy carefree life while the benevolent government brings you everything you need…food, welfare checks, voter ballots, and of course, a letter from the Death Panel when it’s time to start taking pain pills.
A team of sled dogs… Oh never mind Obama ate them
They will also be your house.
…the door sticker says it does a lot of cool stuff. After you own it for four years you find out the door sticker was full of $h!t.
…it costs $16 Trillion to develop. It’s called called the ‘Double Down’.
…the only paint job you can get is half-black, half-white.
…it has a cupholder that ejects sugary drinks of over 7 ounces.
…it’s called the JoMobile. The GPS tells you things that don’t make a lot of sense, then mocks you when you don’t understand what it meant.
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