Archive of posts tagged News

Teleconference

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The president’s news conference from last night isn’t getting good press.


Notice the big monitor in the back of the room. That caught some reporters off guard.

But it made me wonder.

Suppose someone hit the remote, and Obama continued to read off the screen. Would it have made for a better news conference?

Or, a more honest one?


*click*


Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.


*click*


We rob banks.


*click*


What we got here is … failure to communicate.


*click*


I’m the king of the world!


*click*


I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.


*click*


This is my life. It always will be. There’s nothing else.


Just us and the cameras …


…and those wonderful people out there in the dark.


All right, Mr. DeMille. I’m ready for my close-up.


*click*

Just what we need: more people not changing their underwear

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The Japanese are testing “stink-free” underwear on the space station. Reuters reports that Koichi Wakata is trying them out the “J-ware”:

“He can wear his trunks (underwear) more than a week,” said Koji Yanagawa, an official with the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency.

Wakata’s clothes, developed by researcher Yoshiko Taya, are designed to kill bacteria, absorb water, insulate the body and dry quickly. They also are flame-resistant and anti-static, not to mention comfortable and stylish.

Having served in the military, I understand first hand about being in situations where you can’t change your clothes … including socks and underwear … on a regular basis. Even then, we washed certain areas (a “whore’s bath”), even if we weren’t able to change clothes. However, it was not by choice, but by circumstance. Such items would be great for those circumstances.

The thing about the Reuters report that really caught my eye? This:

The Japanese space agency plans to make the clothes available to NASA and its other space station partners once development is complete. A commercial line also is in the offing.

Read that last sentence again: “A commercial line also is in the offing.”

You’ll be able to buy this stuff at Sears. Or Wal-mart.

Think about that.

This scientific breakthrough will allow some folks to go a week or more without washing their ass.

Ain’t technocracy great?

What’s next? J-ware socks, so you don’t have to wash your feet? J-ware undershirts so you don’t have to wash or use deodorant? I shudder to think what else science has in store for us.

Special

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The president made a funny.

Only, some didn’t find it so funny.

ABC News reported Obama’s attempt at humor:

Towards the end of his approximately 40-minute appearance, the president talked about how he’s gotten better at bowling and has been practicing in the White House bowling alley.

He bowled a 129, the president said.

“That’s very good, Mr. President,” Leno said sarcastically.

It’s “like the Special Olympics or something,” the president said.

The audience laughed. Because The One can do no wrong.

However, if a conservative … say, Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity … had made such a comment, there’d be calls for his firing. And a calls for advertisers to boycott his radio show. And calls for … well, you get the idea.

But, no, it wasn’t an evil conservative. It was The Messiah that said that.

The lack of outcry makes me suspect that Special Olympics humor is now okay. You can’t use monkey in a joke, but you can compare someone’s actions to the Special Olympics. Got it? Good.

Still, I wouldn’t compare the president’s bowling to the Special Olympics.

Obama’s performance as president? There’s a possibility.

Smooth Criminal

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His Royal Weirdness, Michael Jackson, is touring again.

My reaction to the news was, of course, whoop-de-frikkin-do.

It’s not often that Michael Jackson makes the news anymore. Unless, of course, he’s paying off some kid’s family so they don’t talk about the buggering.

Used to not be that way, though. Michael Jackson used to be news.

He’d sell out concerts, sell millions of albums, perform or do backing vocals on a third of every record played on the radio, have major movie producers doing his videos …

That was a while back.

Then I got to thinking. When did it all come crashing down for Michael Jackson?

As I recall, it was in the early 1990s.

When he was young, he was a popular Black singer. And rich. He was even able to out-bid Paul McCartney for the Beatles music catalog.

Around the early 1990s, though, things went wrong. First, he seems to have turned White. And was accused of child molestation. And got hooked on drugs (mostly painkillers). And lost most of his money.

Since then, he’s been almost pitiful.

But something was nagging at me.

Then it hit me.

There’s a parallel with Barack Obama. Follow me on this.

Obama was raised by his White mother (his Kenyan father having left) until he was 10, then by his White grandparents until he graduated high school.

He went to Harvard, graduated, then moved to Chicago in the early 1990s. That’s when he became Black.

Around the time Michael Jackson turned White, Barack Obama turned Black.

It seems the world only has room for one Black superstar at a time. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying.

Will Jacko’s tour succeed? Probably not. Unless Obama turns White again.

How do those jobs that illegal immigrants do look now?

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Illegal immigration is a controversial topic. Though it shouldn’t be.

I’m in favor of immigration. Heck, my ancestors came to this country … before it was a country. They were immigrants. Hundreds of years ago, to be sure, but immigrants, nonetheless.

Same for everyone who calls the U.S. home.

But, today? Yes, I’m all in favor of people immigrating to this country. In fact, there’s an immigration process. Every civilized nation on earth has an immigration process.

It’s illegal immigration that I don’t like.

But so many on the left get their panties in a wad if anyone opposes illegal immigration.

They seem to forget that illegal immigration is … well, illegal. But when did laws matter to them? Unless it’s a law to ban guns. They want them laws followed.

Anyway, they say to let the illegals alone. They’re doing jobs that Americans don’t want.

I don’t doubt it.

But, the L.A. Times reports that over 10% of Californians are out of work.

Unemployment in California shot up to its highest level in nearly 26 years in January, leaving more than 1 in 10 workers without a job.

Figures released Friday show that 79,300 jobs were lost in the state last month, bringing the total number of unemployed to 1,863,000, or 10.1% of the workforce. That’s the highest since the rate touched 10.4% in 1983.

I’ve been out of work. But, I didn’t sit on my ass. I found work.

I worked temporary construction jobs. I’ve worked at temp agencies. I’ve stood in line at the Department of Labor, filling out forms and getting lists of jobs.

I was turned down for some jobs because I was “over-qualified,” which means they figured I’d have worked until I found a better job.

Bottom line is, I didn’t sit on my ass; I went to work. And I found work.

There’s work in California. It might not be pleasant work, but work seldom is.

And, the work might be currently done by an illegal alien.

Monkeying around

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Racism abounds.

From liberals.

They’re finding racism all over the place. It’s amazing where people find racism. Frank J. pointed out how silly it is that people are calling a cartoon in the New York Post racist, because it has a monkey in it. Okay, chimpanzee. Still, you get my point.

So, are monkeys off limits for humor?

No more funny monkey videos?

That’d be a shame.

The good news, though, is that you can still use monkeys in political humor.

You can do this:

Bush-chimp

You cannot do this:

Obama reach Curious George reach

Any questions?

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Getting what you voted for

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With the President ordering the closing of Guantanamo Bay, the question arises: what to do with the prisoners there?

Of course, there are some on the left that think they need to be released. This, despite ongoing reports of former detainees returning to terrorism.

However, let’s assume that the administration recognizes that the bad guys are bad guys and need to be kept locked up somewhere.

Some states are saying they don’t want them. And I agree. I don’t want my state housing them.

But, then again, my state voted for McCain.

I have a solution that ought to make everybody happy: Spread the Guantanamo Bay prisoners around among the states that voted for Obama. I mean, after all, he campaigned on the promise to close Gitmo. So it’s not like they didn’t know he’d do it, right?

Well, it was okay with them if he did. So much so that they voted him into office.

I’m for having those responsible for putting Obama into office having to put up with the consequences.

Here’s the plan: There are, by one count, 245 prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. 28 states and the District of Columbia awarded 365 Electoral Votes to Obama.

Spread them out accordingly.

For each Electoral Vote for Obama, a state gets just over 2/3 (0.671) of a prisoner. Here’s the breakdown:

State Electoral Votes Guantanamo Bay
prisoners
California 55 36
Colorado 9 6
Connecticut 7 5
Delaware 3 2
D.C. 3 2
Florida 27 18
Hawaii 4 3
Illinois 21 14
Indiana 11 7
Iowa 7 5
Maine 4 3
Maryland 10 7
Massachusetts 12 8
Michigan 17 11
Minnesota 10 7
Nebraska 1 1
Nevada 5 3
New Hampshire 4 3
New Jersey 15 10
New Mexico 5 3
New York 31 21
North Carolina 15 10
Ohio 20 13
Oregon 7 5
Pennsylvania 21 14
Rhode Island 4 3
Vermont 3 2
Virginia 13 9
Washington 11 7
Wisconsin 10 7
365 245

This could solve all kinds of problems.

The most trusted name in made-up news

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According to a recent Zogby poll, “37.6% of those surveyed, news sources on the Internet are considered to be the most reliable.”

More than Fox News. More than CNN. More than MSNBC. More than the New York Times.

Think about that for a minute.

I mean, if people believe the Internet more than news organizations, does that mean that they don’t trust CNN, but do trust CNN.com?

I don’t think so.

There’s something else on the Internet they trust. And what could that be?

BLOGS!!!

Yes, blogs — such as this blog — are the most trusted source of news. That has to be it!

As a dues-paying member of the Internets, I, for one, am proud of the faith you have placed us.

Misplaced faith, to be sure. But we’re not about to let your misguided notions of who to trust go to our heads.

We’ll continue to make up stuff about liberals, never ceasing, never tiring, never stopping, ever growing, ever moving, ever rising till … well, you get the idea.

Like CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, the New York Times, or any of those “news organizations,” we’ll continue to be make stuff up and to have a tremendous bias.

Unlike CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, the New York Times, or any of those “news organizations,” we’ll continue to be open and honest about making stuff up and about our bias.

You can trust us on that.

Obama says take the day off to campaign for him

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Barack Obama says he wants his supporters to take the day off work to campaign for him on election day:

Can you take next Tuesday off from work, join the final push, and make sure that everyone who supports Barack turns out to vote?

That got me to thinking…

If none of the Obama supporters showed up for work on November 4th, would anyone really notice?

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Fish Heads

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Remember the song Fish Heads?

Sure you do:

But… there are a couple of things about Fish Heads you might not know.

One is who Barnes and Barnes, the credited artist of the song, really is. They are Robert Haimer and Bill Mumy, two childhood friends. And, if the name Bill Mumy seems familiar, well, it should. That is the same Bill Mumy that appeared on Lost In Space. Yes, he played Will Robinson.

The other thing about fish heads you might not know? They seem to be eligible to vote in Illinois, Barack Obama’s home state.

Yes, a dead goldfish was sent voter’s registration information.

My favorite line in the story?

“There was no fraud involved,” said Nudelman, a Democrat who supports Barack Obama. “This person is a dead fish.”

Just like Barack Obama.

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