Obama’s Top Ten New Defense Related Projects
With Obama cutting missile defense, what will Obama spend all the defense related money on? Here’s what he’s currently thinking:
OBAMA’S TOP TEN NEW DEFENSE RELATED PROJECTS
10. Classes to teach Marines to be more concerned about their enemies’ feelings.
9. Camouflaged Snuggies.
8. New ways to distribute propaganda to the enemy that apologizes for Bush.
7. Automated drones that can safely seek out high-priority targets and give them a hug.
6. Tree-planting missiles.
5. New guns with a special safety feature that keeps them from firing if pointed at a person.
4. Preventing nuclear attacks by posting signs specifying that nuclear missiles are not allowed.
3. Bio-degradable tanks.
2. Study on the effects of replacing camouflage with tie dye.
And Obama’s number one new defense related project…
Genetically engineering a unicorn.
(21 votes, average: 4.86 out of 5)
Loading ...
April 8th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Didn’t the elite GI Joe team use such guns as described in # 5 back in the 80s. At the time, I believe it was attributed to a program created by Jimmy Carter.
April 8th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
11. An army of robots to steal everyone’s wallet. The funds thus procured will be used to create a civilian defense force to prevent any such robberies in the future. And to round up anyone failing to salute Dark Lord Obam…uhh.
April 8th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
don’t forget the new pink uniforms
April 8th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Herds of unicorns should make a good food source for the dinosaurs with rocket launchers.
April 8th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I believe Mastershake and Frank have summed everything up nicely.
April 8th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
US Troops replaced with GI Joe action figures and Camo Barbie.
April 8th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Artillery that fires hopes, dreams, kisses, and Skittles.
April 8th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
The United States Marine Drum and Bugle Corps replaced by The Code Pink Marching
BandNinnies.April 8th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Two million iPods of Obama reading speeches given by Neville Chamberlain, Kofi Annan, and various French statesmen.
April 8th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
The blithering big eared Bozo’s first plan was to loan the Pentagon a billion dollars to gain control of the military, thinking that job was wayyyyyy above his pay grade. Come to think of it, it is.
April 8th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Funny, I didn’t see “crying like a litte girl” and “lying on floor in fetal position” on your list. And yet, I believe those will be two priorities of our current POTUS should some form of attack occur…immediately followed by “negotiated surrender”, of course.
April 8th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Marko, you have a good idea, actually: Hugs would smother the enemy with the muzzle velocity of artillery. Likewise, kisses at that speed would take their faces off, and Skittles would turn a cannon into a dang fine 105mm scattergun! You would have to be closer, but then the result would be easier to view firsthand.
April 8th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
HIGH ALTITUDE ACORN CARPETBAGGING/ SUPERSONIC EBONICS/ LIBTARDS IN UNITARDS/ AIR DROPS ON CHRISTIAN CHURCHES OF LEAFLETS THAT SAY, MEAN PEOPLE SUCK/ AL GORE RESEARCH INSTITUTE INVENTS CO2-FREE VIRTUAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION SOFTWARE FOR USMC/ AUTOMATED DRONES THAT DRONE ON ENDLESSLY, ” YES WE CAN ” / PREVENTING NUCLEAR WAR BY HIDING UNDER DESK DURING DEFCON-1/ STEALING WEAPONS TECHNOLOGY FROM NORTH KOREA/ EMERGENCY RAINBOW GENERATORS/ BUY KUNG FU PANDAS FROM CHINA>>>>These ideas submitted by BARAKATOPIA THUNK TANK
April 8th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
2 million DVDs of “Curious Socialist goes to Washington” from the White House gift shop, to be air dropped on the bittery-clingy regions of the country.
April 8th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
aA, well, as with most well-intended (so they say) Leftist policies, these too will end up killing large numbers of people. I take that as a win for US.
April 8th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
He’ll respond to the North Korea missile launch by using a Rainbow Ray to put a lovely rainbow over the DMZ, to inspire REAL hope…
April 8th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Some say that the Cold War was World War III.
If that’s true, I think he’s just about guaranteeing World War IV by ‘leveling the playing field’ and allowing enemies like China and Russia and their proxy states to catch up to us.
He’s proposing that the cost of our Iraq and Afghanistan involvements be folded into the defense budget from now on – which means an even bigger decrease in defense spending than anyone can quantify at this point.
This is beyond idiotic and beyond politics. It’s worse than the quadrupling of our federal deficit. It’s outright betrayal of our national interest.
Are there any patriots left in Congress who will object to this?
/serious
April 8th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
He going to spend all that money and more to purchase (from his boss) a soul. Since he doesn’t have one and now has all the money in the world, it’s a go, go, go.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
He going to spend all that money and more to purchase (from his boss) a soul. Since he doesn’t have one and now has all the money in the world, it’s a go, go, go.
I bet he could get Paris Hilton’s for $5
April 8th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
We could spray halucinogens over enemy combatants so they Think they’re seeing unicorns. Or that they’re surrounded by 72 virgins (and a couple of gals who know what they’re doing). It might not be as satisfying as the scientific application of high explosives, but the Utube videos would be priceless.
April 8th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Three words: Cloned Surrender Monkeys
April 9th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Distributing manuals to all US soldiers on how to properly surrender, translated from the original French.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:08 am
#10, I took that class. Turns out the enemy is MUCH happier in the next life so by shooting them you’re actually doing them a favor. Marines are generous to a fault and always glad to help out, it’s in the manual.
“Shoot’em all and let God sort’em out!”
April 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am
4. Preventing nuclear attacks by posting signs specifying that nuclear missiles are not allowed.
Ask Berkeley how that’s working out for them
April 9th, 2009 at 11:01 am
I think it’s working well, Smokey. I believe that there are no Nuclear Arms at all present in Berzerkely. Must mean that the signs are working, right?
April 9th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Regarding #10: I recall before the first Iraq war, a reporter interviewed some troops preparing to deploy (imagine that – actual reporting about a war only 18 years ago!). The reporter watched as a special ops soldier laid out his combat load of multiple extremely violent looking weapons, a ridiculously huge ammunition pile, comm gear, night vision goggles, etc. on his poncho, then asked what the soldier had learned in the Army that would help him prevail against Iraqis in their defensive positions on the Kuwaiti border. The soldier looked at the reporter, smiled, and said, “I plan on using the interpersonal skills the military has taught me to help bring peace to the Iraqis and Kuwaitis.”
The reporter apparently did not have his sarcasm detector on, and that quote made me laugh out loud for weeks afterwards. So #10 may have some applicability to real soldiering. Snerk….
April 9th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
12. Demolish the Pentagon to be replaced by a Dodecahedron on the same footprint. While it sounds awesome, construction will experience perpetual delays because in the interest of fairness to the economically disadvantaged, people of skill will be left out of the construction crews.
April 9th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
[...] new defense plans revealed! Courtesy IMAO Here are a few of my favorites Camouflaged [...]