Robots Are Stealing Our Jobs

Posted on June 15, 2011 12:02 pm

Obama has finally figured out why there are no jobs: They are being stolen by robots! Probably robots inherited from Bush!

In a recent interview, Obama blamed automation for why businesses aren’t hiring. So basically all those hundreds of billions of stimulus went straight into the pockets of robots! We thought SkyNet was going to just nuke us one day, but apparently it’s just going to steal all our jobs and starve us out. We’ll be on the streets, begging robots for change, but they won’t give us any and we’ll die.

So anyway, it wasn’t Obama not knowing what he’s doing that caused so much job loss, it’s the ATM, which didn’t exist during the Bush years. Man, are those ATMs evil. Do you know they kill twenty people a day? Someone will just be standing in front of one to get cash, and suddenly a little door on the ATM opens up and a robot hand holding a gun pops out and shoots the person. They keep trying to program the ATMs not to shoot people, but it never takes. Maybe they never should have given them guns in the first place. I don’t know the answer.

I wonder if this is Obama trying to have a more populist appeal. It’s the people versus those heartless robots. And just look at his recent statement:

“Me no like robots! Grr! Me smash robots with rocks and bring jobs!”

Will this help in the 2012 elections? I don’t know. The Dieblold machines which count all the votes probably won’t like it.

I know Obama has a lot to be scared of with robots (if we come up with a self-reading teleprompter, we won’t even need him anymore), but maybe we shouldn’t be so afraid of the future. Maybe robots just make things more efficient and better for everyone. Those educated to be engineers like me will help build and maintain the robots, and others will be converted to precious robot fuel. And aren’t robots the solution to the cost of health care? I think I remember Ace once mentioning this point, but the reason health care is so costly is that you have to have all these heavily trained doctors to do it. If we could instead use easily replaceable robots, health care costs would drop hugely. It’s such a great idea that I drew a detailed picture so maybe someone could turn it into a real thing:

I bet Obama is scared of that, though. And Dr. House. Who would go to mean old Dr. House if you could instead use a robot? Robots don’t limp.

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31 Responses to “Robots Are Stealing Our Jobs”

  1. Bantha_Fodder says:

    ATMs are the Suicide Booths of tomorrow (see Futurama)

  2. hammy says:

    So we can add Luddite to the list of appelations for president buckethead. On the other hand he may know about the coming robot holocaust….hmmm. “He’s either very smart or very dumb”

  3. Son of Bob says:

    Well, now as I sit here looking at my computer, I have to wonder if it’s looking back at me.

  4. FormerHostage says:

    Barry’s never trusted computers since he saw “Terminator.”

  5. Jimmy says:

    Don’t tell ussjimmycarter that Frank’s Robot Doctor is a proctologist. He already thinks he’s been hacked!

  6. MarkoMancuso says:

    That robot doctor looks like a lobster. I love lobsters. Lobsters are tasty and I trust them.

  7. plentyobailouts says:

    Day tuk r jubs!!

  8. plentyobailouts says:

    when robots take over at the TSA, they will “select” you for special probing.

  9. DamnCat says:

    Robot doctor does not accept medicare/medicaid patients.

  10. FormerHostage says:

    Robot doctors would be annoying. Suppose your cholestoral levels came back too high? They’d be running around the room waiving their arms shouting “Danger! Danger Will Robinson!”

  11. Bantha_Fodder says:

    Durk r Dur!!

  12. Jimmy says:

    So, who programs the Robot Doctors? Frank the engineer? I doubt it… Just look at his drawing of one!

    “Robot Doctor has encountered a problem and needs to shut down…. [Send to Microsoft] [Don’t Send]

    Meanwhile, you bleed to death.

  13. ussjimmycarter says:

    Don’t worry! If you encounter a Robot, here is what you do. Always carry a CD with Microsoft’s latest edition of Windows. When the Robot comes up to you and tries to pull some funny business, whip out the CD. Make fun of him because it has software that he doesn’t have which makes him a homo and such! This will greatly annoy the robot and he will have to have the software! Play hard to get. Make him give you some cash or something which he will gladly do being a stupid machine. Then hand over the CD, sit back and watch the fun!

    First it will take 3 hours to install as the Robot bounces around re-booting himself 15 times! Then when the install is complete he will just stand there because there will be a bug and he doesn’t have the latest bug-fix from Microsoft. Then you walk up to him and go Muwhahahahahah and kick him in his robot nads and walk away with the cash!

  14. FormerHostage says:

    [ 15 minutes into the Future ]

    Robot Doctor: yes senator frank, what can i do for you today?
    Barney: Oh, I think I need a prostate exam.
    RD: sir, that will be the third this month. i believe that is excessive.
    Barney: Don’t you know who I am? I demand another exam!
    RD: very well…

    (RD starts the exam)
    RD: what the??? there looks to be a dozen roses up there.
    Barney: READ THE CARD! READ THE CARD!

  15. Gebiv says:

    Obama Administration Playbook for any Problem

    Step 1: Blame Bush
    Step 2: Blame robots
    Step 3: ???
    Step 4: Profit!

  16. Elle T. says:

    We already have surgical robots. They are widely used in joint replacement surgeries because they align the joint more precisely and correctly than humans can. The future is here!

  17. robotimecop says:

    Of course the robots are taking over! Who can afford to hire a human anymore? Obamacare costs do not apply to robots, they are not carrying their fair share. If Obama were a true leader he would program the ATM’s to redistribute the wealth.

  18. storm1911 says:

    Remember that scar on the side of Obama’s head? That’s where the robot inserted his robot brain control computer. A Commodore 64 I was told.

    It’s safe to blame robots because theu don’t vote. Yet.

    Don’t worry about the buggy whip makers. With Frank and Pelosi and Hillary out there, they sell a bunch of those whips.

  19. Burmashave says:

    Here’s the problem with robot doctors. Robot doctors are very smart and can figure out that it’s cheaper to cut off an arm than it is to treat a sore throat, so robot doctors will spend a lot of time cutting off arms.

  20. plentyobailouts says:

    Can’t be a real robot doctor. There is no line indicating that red eyes means robot.

  21. ussjimmycarter says:

    How much RAM do you suppose Obama has installed? I’m thinkin’ a size 14 female shoe up his ass?

  22. Crabby Old Bat says:

    All your job are belong to us!

  23. Shane Kerr says:

    Obama blames ATMs & automation for the unemployment rate and they say conservatives want to take us back to the 1950s??

  24. Penultimatum says:

    So, who programs the Robot Doctors?

    Government employee robot programmers. Right now, lots of military installations are shutting down from the 2005 BRAC changes. This means lots of government employees are being let go and need new government jobs. Programming medical robots is perfect for them!

    Just pray you get the robot doctor programmed by the former robotics programmer, and not the one programmed by the former Burger King employee. . .

  25. Doug says:

    That third paragraph reminds me an awful lot like dialog from a Terminator movie. That’s some pretty poor plagarism. But it was funny and that’s what counts.

  26. Carolyn says:

    Robots are scary! Don’t you remember Vicki from Small Wonder?

  27. Carolyn says:

    Well of COURSE we shouldn’t give guns to ATMs! We should give them to Mexican drug cartels.

  28. Terry_Jim says:

    One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the robots will soon be here.
    And I for one, welcome our new robot overlords.
    I’d like to remind them that as a trusted blog commenter,
    I can be helpful in rounding up old people’s medicine and jobs.

  29. AaronHorrocks says:

    THEY TOOK ER JERBS!

  30. Carpenter says:

    I’m sorry but its even worse than Robots!

    I am assuming that you are familiar with the cable television series BattleStar Galactica. If not please (re)watch it and you will see that
    LIBERTARIANS ARE CYLONS! THERE ARE MANY COPIES!

    1.The Cylons were created by man.
    The Libertarians were manufactured by men.

    2. The Cylons were integrated into the Colonial society as a (mechanical) slave race. Most Libertarians feel they are “Slaves” to the Bush-Clinton-Bush-Obama corporate welfare machine.

    3. The Cylons evolved into the humanoid Cylon models. They became more than the ro-BOT software controlled models that performed simple tasks. There are many copies of the same Cylon. Our Libertarians have evolved or transformed into a somewhat human-like form though they still behave in a BOT like manner. There are many copies of the same PaulBot and they all think alike.

    4. The Cylons decided to wipe out humanity because of their enslavement and the injustices committed against them. The Libertarians have decided to wipe out the GOP because of the imagined enslavement and economic injustices committed against them.

    5. The Cylons pursued the Colonialists across the Galaxies in a never ending quest to destroy them. The Libertarians have pursued the GOP (for over 40 years) in a endless effort to destroy them from within.

    6. The Cylons, though human in appearance, were still machines. They were programs. The Libertarians, though human, appear to behave as machines. They are programmed.

    7. The Cylons had their own God. The 1 true God. The Cylon God. The Libertarians have 100′s of Gods and false Idols. It is no wonder why the PaulBots are so confused. Bad programming will do that.

    The thing that worries me most about the PaulBot (Cylon) threat to mankind is WHO the “Final Five” Libertarians are, and what they intend to do to us

    Can you imagine the consequences if Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney were the FINAL FIVE Libertarians and their (Cylon) programming hadn’t kicked in yet?

    Like the TV series, Palin, Bachman and Ron Paul might not even know they are Cylons yet. Its possible. But if Gingrich and Romney turnout to be Cylons too, well then, we might as well start building Inter-Galactic Space Ships. We just might have to flee this solar system to escape them.

    Battlestar Galactica: The Final Five
    http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Final_Five

  31. Escartes says:

    Actually Obama is quite right in pointing out the impact of structural change. The West is still transitioning from the Industrial to the technological age. Virtually all industrial age jobs will disappear as the video (link below) shows but no technological age industry sector is emerging that will absorb ALL the displaced workers. The one hope was the service sector but these are lowly paid jobs and you need three of them just to survive.

    The developed nations have been able to postpone the impact of technology through borrowing. But this is also now unraveling with devastating results.

    But there is an emerging sector and it is in providing free goods and services by externalizing the cost. Think Google, Twitter, Facebook etc externalizing cost through advertising. Ultimately this will lead to a new rebalancing and a new economic model.

    http://tinyurl.com/42nfy98

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