Archive of entries posted on 14th June 2011

lolbama! Part 65

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Basil:

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From Basil:

From Basil:

From Basil:

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From Kris:

From Kris:

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From Larsinkima:

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From Larsinkima:

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From Travelwise42:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Why Would You Need a College Education to Be a Legislator?

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The New York Times has an article, “Many State Legislators Lack College Degrees.” I guess that’s supposed to be shocking, but as I never tire of pointing out, you could literally train a dog to be a legislator. The main part of their job is just to vote yes or no (or Obama’s favorite, “present”) on stuff. If you got a college degree just so you can vote yes or no on stuff, then you lack ambition. Or maybe you got a degree in philosophy and couldn’t do anything with it. People like the staff of the New York Times have this almost worshipful respect of public office, but until we realize these are mainly just idiots who couldn’t hack it in the private sector and aren’t really good at anything, we get stuck with people like Obama ruining our economy.

Jon Stewart Gets Mad

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Crowder’s recent video made Jon Stewart mad and got Crowder dropped from his manager:

That’ll teach Crowder to speak truth to power!

Can You Dig It?

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Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Tips for Handling a Stupid Debate

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What a stupid debate CNN had. It has the usual awful questions that made me wonder how many came from actual Republicans (are Republicans really worried about separation of church and state with all the problems we’re facing right now?), and then it had that stupid “This or That” stuff along with King making, “Uh… ah…” sounds over everyone’s answers as he tried to keep people from talking long enough to say anything useful. Makes you wonder if Republicans should refuse to go to debate for the major news media outlets with how left-wing and clueless they are, but I think Republicans can stand out in these formats if they take charge and follow my advice.

TIPS FOR HANDLING A STUPID DEBATE

* Don’t be afraid to be confrontational with the moderator if he’s getting in the way of a useful discussion. A good way to make the moderator more cautious is to threaten to murder his family, saying something like, “I googled where you live, and if you keep interrupting me, I will murder your family.”

* If asked a stupid question, a perfectly legitimate response is to say, “That’s a stupid question, ask me another one.” If it’s a particularly stupid question from someone in the audience, make it clear you won’t continue with the debate until the person is removed from the building.

* If asked a completely asinine question like, “Dancing with the Stars or American Idol?” A good answer is, “You just killed your family.”

* If the moderator has a question that implies you’re extremist, say, “I can prove I’m a moderate.” Then pull out a gun and shoot him in the knee. “Extremist would have shot you in the face.”

* If the moderator ever makes noises like, “Uh… ah…” over your answer, stop your answer to say, “I’m starting to think you don’t even like your family.”

So, that’s how you shine in these debate: Take charge and threaten to murder families. That may seem extreme, but surveys show most people — especially Republicans — don’t like journalists or their families.

A Little Morning Doug

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I really like it when Urbanski starts calling out the left on race issues. Most conservatives won’t touch the topic, much less really wade in and flat out start shaming liberals about it:

“…We’ve got a nucleus of prominent and brilliant conservative black men – Herman Cain, Allen West, Thomas Sowell, Clarence Thomas. We’re always told [by the left] they’re not ‘authentic’, they’re not really black. Well, when does this change?…”

[audio clip here]

Also, a few items from the “Doug’s Gems” category (which, honestly, is my favorite part of the site)

“Obama sees 9% unemployment as an opportunity for growth… of his food stamp program.”

“We stand a better chance of having a legitimate Bigfoot sighting than we do of seeing a budget from Obama and the Democrats.”

“People keep saying that the GOP 2012 field is pretty weak. Maybe so, but the Democrat field is even weaker. All they’ve got to offer for 2012 is Barack Obama.”

“Tim Pawlenty had an interview with Chris Wallace, wherein Tim confirmed for us just how uninteresting he desires to be.”

Actually, the best part of the site is being able to download the whole damn show for free as an mp3 (right click, “save as”) so you can listen to it at your leisure without the commercials.

Off topic: as an addendum to Basil’s Flag Day post, I’d like to remind folks that they can enjoy SarahK’s rendition of the 1st and 4th verses of The Star-Spangled Banner (at the beginning and end, respectively) in this IMAO podcast. Unlike most singers, who tart it up with fancy vocal tricks, Sarah kept her ego firmly in check, and sings it straight with spine-tingling reverence.

If you don’t feel a tingle, consult a physician. You may have contracted liberalism.

Random Thoughts

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No one wants Romney to be the nominee, but everyone is willing to fall in line behind him and that may be all it takes.

When the White House calls the Weiner scandal a “distraction”, are they complaining?

Romney: “And I will be easily able to identify Obamacare to repeal it since it looks just like my Romneycare.”

My vote to whoever punches John King in the face.

Why is half the time I’m wondering if the people asking questions in the debate are real Republicans?

How about they have a Republican debate where they get known Republican pundits to come up with the questions?

Having CNN come up with questions to pick a Republican is like having an accountant come up with questions to pick a computer programmer.

It’s either eminent domain or energy dependence? Dumbest question ever.

I’m a Republican trying to figure out who to support. I do not care about these questions.

Smart candidate would pretend a good question was asked and answer that instead.

Dumb questions while King says “Uh… Ah…” during their answers… pretty good for a CNN GOP debate.

Romney did remind me in this debate how much I could put up with him if I absolutely had to.

I don’t remember seeing Newt in the debate. He’s dead to me.

I think Obama’s biggest liability going into the 2012 election is that he’s a useless moron.

Flag Day, 2011

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Today is Flag Day. On June 14, 1777, the Continental Congress adopted the flag of the United States.

As the flag is a representation of our country, it’s appropriate that our National Anthem is about our flag.

The Star Spangled Banner
Words by Francis Scott Key, Music by John Stafford Smith

O say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say does that star spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep.
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
‘Tis the Star-Spangled Banner! O long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the Star-Spangled Banner, in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation!
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heaven-rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must when our cause it is just
And this be our motto: “In God is our Trust.”
And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!