Since Weiner finally fessed up, I guess I will too. I wasn’t hacked as I originally claimed, and did in fact give a login to Basil.

I’m still claiming hacking for Cadet Happy.

A lot of people have been worried about a double-dip recession. Obama says he’s not worried, though, which just means he’s a sociopath. He’s already rich and can make millions writing memoirs about the nothing he’s done, so this doesn’t affect him.

Anyway, a double-dip recession is when there is a recession (check), then there is a recovery (believe it or not, we’re in recovery right now — yeah, I know, it’s awesome), and then we fall back into recession. It’s also called a W-shaped recession, which just seems like an awkward way economists are trying to blame Bush already.

So what could a double-dip recession mean for you?

IMPLICATIONS OF A DOUBLE-DIP RECESSION

* Make sure your children don’t get too attached to that new puppy you got them, as you may have to kill him and eat him.

* Who Want to Be a Millionaire will be replaced with Who Wants to Have a Job.

* Unable to afford funding new shows, most of primetime will be Obama giving more addresses trying to convince people his health care plan wasn’t the dumbest thing ever.

* Roving gangs will form to fight each other over gas. They could drive Priuses, but what self-respecting roving gang would do that?

* Democratic pundits will still appear on TV to explain how Obama is doing a great job. They will most likely be on heavy psychotropic drugs and should be considered extremely dangerous.

* For its affront to Obama, reality will be declared racist as will anyone who associates with it.

* One big cost cutting measure will be to not bother having a general election and just award the presidency to whoever wins the Republican primary.

* Obama will start to look into whether he can get his community organizer job back, only to find out that doesn’t exist. It’s a made up job!

* You’ll be able to tell who is in the upper class by whether they eat brand name rice and beans.

* You know those unexpected job losses every month? They will finally be expected!

So what can you do to stop a double-dip recession? Nothing. You just have to sit there and watch Obama murder the economy like it’s some horror movie. Just hopefully one day this whole election of Obama thing can be chalked up as a learning experience.