Obama has begun joking about his own economic failures (“Shovel-ready was not as … uh .. shovel-ready as we expected.”), so I guess it’s okay for us to do it too. I didn’t before, because I thought it would be mean since mentally Obama doesn’t seem to be all there. Anyway, here are some Obama economy jokes I just made:

Obama, Pelosi, and Reid walk into a bar. They then burn down the bar.

Afterwards the bar owner comes over and yells at them, “You just burnt down my bar! Everyone who worked there just lost their jobs!”

To which Obama says, “We inherited this from the Bush economy.”

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Q. How much money does it cost to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Well, since after $800 billion the light bulb fell out and broke on the floor, we obviously need at least $800 billion more.

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Obama walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asks, “Why is there a duck on your head?”

To which Obama says, “STOP FOCUSING ON DISTRACTIONS!!!”

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An engineer, a physicist, and President Obama get their car stuck in a ditch, so they all work on solutions to get out of it. The engineer takes a tree branch and fashions it into a lever he says will be sufficient to lift the car. The physicist does some calculations and determines if the wheel is turned at a certain angle while a specific amount of gas is applied, the car will get out of the ditch. Barack Obama just grabs a sledge hammer and starts smashing the car while yelling, “Republicans did this!”

Actually, I don’t think I’m very good at writing jokes. Well, you can see if you do better in the comments.

Obama has finally figured out why there are no jobs: They are being stolen by robots! Probably robots inherited from Bush!

In a recent interview, Obama blamed automation for why businesses aren’t hiring. So basically all those hundreds of billions of stimulus went straight into the pockets of robots! We thought SkyNet was going to just nuke us one day, but apparently it’s just going to steal all our jobs and starve us out. We’ll be on the streets, begging robots for change, but they won’t give us any and we’ll die.

So anyway, it wasn’t Obama not knowing what he’s doing that caused so much job loss, it’s the ATM, which didn’t exist during the Bush years. Man, are those ATMs evil. Do you know they kill twenty people a day? Someone will just be standing in front of one to get cash, and suddenly a little door on the ATM opens up and a robot hand holding a gun pops out and shoots the person. They keep trying to program the ATMs not to shoot people, but it never takes. Maybe they never should have given them guns in the first place. I don’t know the answer.

I wonder if this is Obama trying to have a more populist appeal. It’s the people versus those heartless robots. And just look at his recent statement:

“Me no like robots! Grr! Me smash robots with rocks and bring jobs!”

Will this help in the 2012 elections? I don’t know. The Dieblold machines which count all the votes probably won’t like it.

I know Obama has a lot to be scared of with robots (if we come up with a self-reading teleprompter, we won’t even need him anymore), but maybe we shouldn’t be so afraid of the future. Maybe robots just make things more efficient and better for everyone. Those educated to be engineers like me will help build and maintain the robots, and others will be converted to precious robot fuel. And aren’t robots the solution to the cost of health care? I think I remember Ace once mentioning this point, but the reason health care is so costly is that you have to have all these heavily trained doctors to do it. If we could instead use easily replaceable robots, health care costs would drop hugely. It’s such a great idea that I drew a detailed picture so maybe someone could turn it into a real thing:

I bet Obama is scared of that, though. And Dr. House. Who would go to mean old Dr. House if you could instead use a robot? Robots don’t limp.

Just gotta share this.

First, Doug Urbanski’s reaction to Obama talking about how he cleaned up the mess he inherited from Bush:

“…Obama says he cleaned up the mess. Oh yes, Obama cleaned up the mess, just like a pyromaniac at the scene of a house fire who turns up with gasoline and matches. That’s how he’s cleaned it up…”

[link to audio clip]

Also, the best one-sentence description of Obama I’ve ever heard.

How does Obama say this with a straight face? He makes Nixon look honest, I swear to you. Shameless, Orwellian, lying, disingenuous, feckless, hypocritical, twisted, manipulative, arrogant, pompous, empty suit. That more or less covers it.

There’s no audio clip for that, but it was in the last 2 minutes of the third hour if you’re trying to find it.