What Does a Double-Dip Recession Mean for You?
A lot of people have been worried about a double-dip recession. Obama says he’s not worried, though, which just means he’s a sociopath. He’s already rich and can make millions writing memoirs about the nothing he’s done, so this doesn’t affect him.
Anyway, a double-dip recession is when there is a recession (check), then there is a recovery (believe it or not, we’re in recovery right now — yeah, I know, it’s awesome), and then we fall back into recession. It’s also called a W-shaped recession, which just seems like an awkward way economists are trying to blame Bush already.
So what could a double-dip recession mean for you?
IMPLICATIONS OF A DOUBLE-DIP RECESSION
* Make sure your children don’t get too attached to that new puppy you got them, as you may have to kill him and eat him.
* Who Want to Be a Millionaire will be replaced with Who Wants to Have a Job.
* Unable to afford funding new shows, most of primetime will be Obama giving more addresses trying to convince people his health care plan wasn’t the dumbest thing ever.
* Roving gangs will form to fight each other over gas. They could drive Priuses, but what self-respecting roving gang would do that?
* Democratic pundits will still appear on TV to explain how Obama is doing a great job. They will most likely be on heavy psychotropic drugs and should be considered extremely dangerous.
* For its affront to Obama, reality will be declared racist as will anyone who associates with it.
* One big cost cutting measure will be to not bother having a general election and just award the presidency to whoever wins the Republican primary.
* Obama will start to look into whether he can get his community organizer job back, only to find out that doesn’t exist. It’s a made up job!
* You’ll be able to tell who is in the upper class by whether they eat brand name rice and beans.
* You know those unexpected job losses every month? They will finally be expected!
So what can you do to stop a double-dip recession? Nothing. You just have to sit there and watch Obama murder the economy like it’s some horror movie. Just hopefully one day this whole election of Obama thing can be chalked up as a learning experience.
(29 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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June 8th, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Can’t wait to get one of those cushy jobs that doesn’t exist!
June 8th, 2011 at 1:19 pm
my dead cat just bounced.
June 8th, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Double dip recession – that’s kind of like a double dip ice cream cone, right? What do you mean, it’s not?
June 8th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
How will a double dip recession effect me. Not much. A country boy can survive. However, all you urbans are screwed. BTW is it “affect” or “effect”? I get them confused….must have been deer hunting the day they covered that in skool.
June 8th, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Democratic pundits . . . will most likely be on heavy psychotropic drugs . . .
And this will be different how?
June 8th, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Double-Dip Obama caused another recession?
You dip, I dip, we dip. A country that dips together, stays together… dipping. With Double-Dip. Oh joy.
June 8th, 2011 at 2:14 pm
A “W-shaped recession” seems to indicate that the cycle will end with a recovery. To which I say, do these people know who’s President?
June 8th, 2011 at 2:25 pm
* If Obama the economist had to choose a James Cagney line, he would choose the cheeful line, “Nice day for murder!”
* At the heigh of the Double-Dip, FDR’s dessicated corpse will rise from the grave to warn us against following his dreadful New Deal. We won’t listen to him.
* The medical system for cats and dogs will still cost less and make more ense than the medical system for humans, but you won’t be able to use it, so don’t worry about it, you pawn.
* If you see a rabbit in the rural fields near your home, you may want to consider chasing it. However, be careful and don’t expend too much energy. God knows you can’t afford more than 500 calories.
* While many are nearly ready to fly, there are currently still some helpless, immobile, and edible baby robins in their nests. I’m just sayin’. Good source of protein.
* There is nothing wrong with eating bugs. Remember this.
* I have a small vegetable garden and I will defend it at gunpoint. You must learn to attack defenseless gardens.
June 8th, 2011 at 2:31 pm
@TerribleTroy: “Affect” is a verb. You can remember this by noting that “affect” has one “e” in it, and “verb” has one “e” in it. “Effect” is a noun. You can remember this because “effect” has two “ee’s” in it, and “noun” – oh, crap. Well, you’ll just have to go through life being confused.
June 8th, 2011 at 2:37 pm
I guess I could sell indulgences…Naw wouldn’t work too many Baptist around here.
Stand at the end of the ramp w/ a “Will preach for food” sign.
Create my own “Sin Tax”
June 8th, 2011 at 2:45 pm
A “noun” has two “en’s”, Crabby!!
June 8th, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Who, Obama, worry? Worsening recession gives him yet even more excuse to demand more spending while castigating mean Republicans who want to starve grandma before pushing her lifeless body off a cliff. He also doesn’t need to change his message. “We’re, um, not really, um, in a recession, but my second stimulus has, um, saved or created twice as many jobs because, um, some people would have been laid off twice.”
June 8th, 2011 at 3:01 pm
After the double-dip recession (check), comes the depression (check) which then leads to a double-dip depression (check), which, if we’re not careful, could lead to some fairly serious problems… like mass extinction.
(Nevermind those checks in parentheses. They’re there to remind me to deposit a check in the bank.)
June 8th, 2011 at 3:03 pm
@TerribleTroy: step 1: ignore Crabby. step 2: Replace “affects” with “influences”, and “effects” with “causes”. If the sentence still makes sense, then you are using the words correctly.
June 8th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
@Kevin: As I’m sure Crabby would say, your method only works if you are using “influences” as a verb and “causes” as a noun, unless you are using “effect” as a verb as in “to bring about.”
June 8th, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Paris Hilton gets renamed Podunk Super8.
The Quarter Pounder w/ cheese will be the One Ouncer w/ nothing.
Anthony Weiner will change his last name to Viennasausage.
June 8th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Note to self: the English language is dumb!
June 8th, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Kevin, it’s not possible to ignore Crabby. She stands out… like corn on the COB!
June 8th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Step 3: ignore Burmashave.
I kid! I am a kidder. Your sentence just confused me since it was impervious to my replacement trick.
You’re probably right, but I work better with examples. Could you point to a common case where people confuse the two and my trick doesn’t help point you in the right direction?
June 8th, 2011 at 3:41 pm
@Kevin: I’m but a wisenheimer myself, but here’s a usage example: “You will effect no effects that affect me.” Alles klar?
June 8th, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Dass ist klarer, thanks Burmashave.
“You will cause no causes that influence me.” Yeah, that middle one is off a bit. Should be “results” or something — that is the difference between cause and effect. Still, somehow, it works in my brain. It even kinda works with “You will effect no affects that affect me.” The middle affect meaning emotion.
June 8th, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Good luck with that one. Despite the glaring example of Jimmy Carter, less than 30 years later, America elected another completely incompetent socialist as President.
If we’re lucky, the disaster that is the Obama Presidency will keep us from making a similar mistake for maybe another 30 years.
June 8th, 2011 at 4:29 pm
@Jimmy: Of course, that makes it easy. “Effect” is a noun, and you can remember that because “effect” has two “ff’s,” and “noun” has two “nn’s.” “Affect,” on the other hand, is a verb. It has two “ff’s,” and “verb” has – oh, crap, again.
COB? I thought we got all the puns out of our systems on that other thread, about the “Congressional member” and his “legislative staff.”
June 8th, 2011 at 4:47 pm
So what can you do to stop a double-dip recession? Nothing, but you can enjoy a nice cold Rainier beer.
June 8th, 2011 at 4:51 pm
I’d like to chime in and help out with all this effect, affect stuff, but I’m still hung up on the uses of tater versus mater…
June 8th, 2011 at 5:13 pm
DON’T BLAME OBAMA!!!! IT’S BUSH’S POLICIES THAT GOT US HERE AND SINCE IT TOOK 8 YEARS TO GET US INTO THE MESS IT WILL TAKE TIME TO GET US OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(slap across my face)
Okay… sorry about that. I’m all better now.
June 8th, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Haven’t you heard? The election has been cancelled so that we can get to the bottom of WienerGate! What did Wiener know and when did he know it? We need to bone up on the investigation. We expect stiff opposition by the Wiener camp and are therefore prepared to blow this whole thing up if we have to! His wife was heard to say something to the effect “I get the money, you get the shaft” whatever that meant… Nancy Pelosi has ordered an exploratory investigation and at this moment is meeting one-on-one with Mr Wiener. We hear he was ordered to bring his wiener! Barney Frank is offering rock hard defense of Mr. Wiener and said he will bend over backwards or do whatever is necessary to offer his support!
June 8th, 2011 at 7:54 pm
@Joe Schmo: Don’t forget lying versus laying. Which is correct?
I was lying on the couch stuffing my face with tater tots and bacon (mmm, bacon!) when some storm trooper from M’Kel’s Food Police tried to make me eat a mater.
I was laying on the couch stuffing my face with tater tots and bacon (mmm, bacon!) when some storm trooper from M’Kel’s Food Police tried to make me eat a mater.
June 8th, 2011 at 8:09 pm
You just have to sit there and watch Obama murder the economy like it’s some horror movie.
Can’t wait for the trailer.
I miss Don LaFontaine, though…
“In a World,
where you gave less ‘green’ but the President spends his days on the greens…
where Senators grandstand on debit card fees, but can’t balance a budget, much less pass one…
where 11% unemployment isn’t an epic failure, but the 5% that existed under President ‘Previous’ sucks.
You hated the first one, WOW, You’ll REALLY hate the sequel!
See
‘I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, II – Incessant Recession’.
From Laughing Donkey Productions “
June 8th, 2011 at 8:09 pm
oops, “gave = Have”
June 8th, 2011 at 8:12 pm
@Crabby Old Batster: According to my 5th grade English teacher, both are conceivably correct; however, the second implies that you were depositing an egg on the couch while stuffing your face with tater tots and bacon (mmm, bacon!).
Personally, I don’t like to eat and lay eggs at the same time.
June 8th, 2011 at 8:15 pm
You can never have enough corn, COB. But in your case, I have to admit you already have a lot!
June 8th, 2011 at 10:27 pm
For it to be a W shaped double dip ressesion it has to eventually go back up. Obama’s got no plans for that. It is a slip n slide ressession.
No worries though if we can show the birth cert is fake we can get the election cancelled, and all this will have never happened.
June 9th, 2011 at 8:38 am
It means this country is currently run not by dips…but by double-dips.
June 9th, 2011 at 8:45 am
This week I sold my motorcycle to raise money to pay my credit card bill so they would re-activiate the card (at 29.99% interest) so I could use the card to pay the veterinarian to perform surgery on my wife’s cat’s eye.
:D:D:D
Now I have a one eyed cat and $1200 in new debt and no motorcycle. (But my wife’s happy.)
Today I’ll cash a savings bond so I have money to buy gas, dog-food and cat-food.
But all in all, not a bad week – I just can’t WAIT to see what next week will bring!
June 9th, 2011 at 8:48 am
Now 4, remember how we talked about this before? Go to your happy place… Go to your happy place… Shhh, that’s all right… that’s all right…
June 9th, 2011 at 9:53 am
[...] For its affront to Obama, reality will be declared racist as will anyone who associates with it. [...]
June 11th, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Yeah, learning experience is right, just like the whole Jimmah Carter thing…..