The Uncanny O-Men: Chapter Two, Part 1

Posted on September 17, 2012 1:00 pm

We rejoin our story a number of years later, where we find a triumphant Dr. Charles Lawrence Xavier, VI, attending a victory celebration for the newly elected President…

A beaming Charles wheeled his chair onto the stage behind the newly elected Vice President, who had just taken to the podium to address the adoring crowd.

“I’m not so sure it was wise to make that BIDEN thing you created the Vice President,” a concerned David Axelrod, Presidential Campaign Advisor, whispered into his ear as BIDEN began speaking to the assembled multitude.

“Yes, well, we had to insure no one would be tempted to harm the President,” replied Charles. He then began to chuckle as he added, “and who in their right mind would ever risk doing so when it would put that thing in charge of the country?”

Axelrod laughed, “Yes, yes, I see your point, Charles! Touché!”

The BIDEN android [Blithering Idiot Disseminating Endless Nonsense] had been created several years earlier after a freak plagiarism accident had maimed a once promising young Senator from Delaware. In a miracle of bio-engineering, Charles and a couple of solid B+ students from the DeVry Institute of Technology had managed to save his head and attach it to a small, floating, android-like body cobbled together using parts from a ’74 Gremlin and a Cuisinart. Unfortunately, the massive brain damage that had occurred during the Senator’s birth many years earlier in Scranton, Pennsylvania, proved to be irreversible.

“…And where would we be today without this guy?” BIDEN uttered, turning to look in Charles’ direction and pointing at him from the podium as he continued his victory speech. I just want to take a moment to say, thanks for all you’ve done for the cause, Chuck!”

‘Chuck?’ thought a horrified Charles, ‘Did he just call me… Chuck???’ He looked BIDEN directly in the eyes and began frantically waving his hands and shaking his head ‘No!’ from his wheelchair.

BIDEN, however, continued unabated, “Stand up, Chuck, let ‘em see ya! Oh, God love ya, what am I talking about? I’ll tell you what, you’re making everybody else stand up though, pal. I’ll tell ya what, stand up for Chuck!”

Charles faked a smile and nodded to the crowd, waving his hands politely, all the while wondering if making BIDEN the V.P. was a truly dreadful mistake after all.

Suddenly, an older gentleman climbed onto the stage unexpectedly from out of the crowd. As the Secret Service rushed in to surround him, BIDEN thought that he may actually recognize the man.

“Say, aren’t you Marvel Comics legend Stan Lee?” Inquired BIDEN.

“Yes, yes I am!…,” Replied the older gentleman.

“Hey, look, everybody,” hollered an excited BIDEN to the crowd, “Stan Lee is making his customary cameo appearance!”

The crowd cheered for Stan Lee.

“No, no, no!” Protested an obviously distraught Mr. Lee, “I’m here to put a stop to this outrage! I can’t just sit by and watch you people make such a mess of my life’s work. Quite frankly, it makes me want to vomit!”

Just then, several more burly Secret Service Agents descended on Stan Lee and quickly began dragging him off the stage.

“Aw, God love ya, Stan!” Interjected BIDEN, “Maybe we can vomit for you. Alright, everybody, I’ll tell ya what, upchuck for Stan!”

NEXT: The new President has arrived!

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One Response to “The Uncanny O-Men: Chapter Two, Part 1”

  1. 4of7 says:

    That reminds me of a tribute song to Prince Charles and Lady Diane,
    “Drink Up Chuck and Die!”

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