Straight Line of the Day: What Happened to Carpenter?

Posted on April 30, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

What happened to Carpenter?

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45 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: What Happened to Carpenter?”

  1. c64wood says:

    he became The Walrus since, “I Am The Carpenter – Goo Goo Ga Joob” sounded too weird

  2. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    After storming the podium at the White House Correspondents Dinner and yelling YGDFTYLTATSOTE in a purple-faced rage, Obama, admiring his deranged pluck, chose him as Jay Carney’s immediate successor.

  3. Eric Praline says:

    You damn thieving Libertarian scum stole his soul, now he’s trapped in limbo.

  4. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    he became The Walrus

    Nonsense. The Walrus was Paul.

  5. Apostic says:

    He was shot by troops, but he came back to life when Gort came for him. Klaatu barada nikto, baby

  6. jw says:

    he is now posting as janeane garofalo

  7. Oppo says:

    He met a lady.
    She married him anyway.
    She had his baby.

  8. rodney dill says:

    …he got nailed or hammered… I don’t know which.

  9. zzyzx says:

    Drafted by the NY Jets as their replacement for Tim Tebow as the designated bench warmer.

  10. jw says:

    …speech writer for obama

  11. rodney dill says:

    …he’s making infomercials for ‘Jebus Rice – SuperCarb’

  12. jw says:

    substitute host for chris matthews

    dog groomer for obama’s entree of the evening

  13. rodney dill says:

    …he got board.

  14. rodney dill says:

    …he’s now a half-bubble off plum.

  15. rodney dill says:

    …he’s just not the sharpest tool in the shed.

  16. Mike in OH says:

    He just came out as the first openly gay athlete in a major US sport! Geez, where have you people been?

  17. Oppo says:

    He was framed.

    Went to the Max Planck Institute.

  18. Oppo says:

    Joined a rugby team, so he could keep an eye on the scrum of the earth.

  19. Oppo says:

    Became a meme-ory.

  20. rodney dill says:

    …he got tired of being taunted and is now building a giant wooden badger.

  21. Oppo says:

    He’s just running a little lathe.

  22. Eric Praline says:

    He’s trying to revive his easy listening/adult contemporary music career.

  23. jw says:

    it seems like “only yesterday” he was “on top of the world”. i suspect that he is wanting “yesterday once more”.

  24. Oppo says:

    {cue Hillary:} What difference does it make?

    Carved himself a ventriloquist dummy, but it was mannequin depressive.

  25. Eric Praline says:

    He’s clubbing in San Francisco with Jason Collins.

  26. jw says:

    he found his meds

  27. DamnCat says:

    @23 jw : ~~~

  28. FormerHostage says:


  29. FormerHostage says:

    MSNBC 11:00 PM, 10:00 PM Central.

  30. DamnCat says:

    He once was a “Superstar” now his “Rainy Days and Mondays” have “Only Just Begun”.

    HT: @23 jw

  31. plentyobailouts says:

    He became a Libertarian and now spends his days lurking in Smaug’s lair

  32. Michael Lewis Whited says:

    Died in a bizarre gardening accident, that the G damned ^^^#@ing Libertarian authorities said was “best left unsolved.”

  33. Genghis Khen says:

    His 90 year old mother can’t afford internet service anymore since evil libertarians are taking away her social security. He vows to one day move out of her basement.

  34. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …he went to the Temple and saw all the G damned ^^^#@ing thieves, then went on a rant about how they truly were the scum of the Earth, so they had him nailed to a cross. -Although this might not be the same carpenter…

  35. Oppo says:

    He had to leave because you are awl thieves.

  36. c64wood says:

    He’ll be doing a guest spot on American Idol. He’ll sing, “Dear America” and do it “Gangnam Style”.

  37. Writer says:

    He got bored.

  38. Dohtimes says:

    He got crucified.

    Realized he was actually opposed to the livertarians in the republican pate.

    Took what he learned here and became a college philosophy professor, teaching his class that “I sat, therefore I am ire”.

  39. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … he’s hanging out with Burmashave, Marko, ussjimmycarter, and all of Harvey’s other alternate personalities that he’s keeping temporarily tucked away.

  40. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … per Barack Obama, Carpenter didn’t post any of those things to start with.

  41. Writer says:

    Whatever happened, it doesn’t auger well for the rest of us.

  42. Writer says:

    He boughed out and returned to his womb at the Daily Kos.

  43. Dohtimes says:

    He is still there but exists on another plane.

    Harvey shoudn’t have paid him until he finished remodeling the kitchen, now he’ll never show up.

  44. Grand Larsen E. says:

    Who the hell is Carpenter?

  45. Basil says:

    ~~~ to Apostic. I got it, even if no one else did.

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