If you love your computer so much…

Posted on May 8, 2014 11:00 am


I’m wondering if I should just post a link to this story and offer “sigh” or something similar as a comment and leave it as that. If this was teh twitterz, then that might be the best thing to do. But it’s not. Twitter, I mean. It still might be the best thing to do.

But, I’m well past that point, so here goes with the long version.

Some guy in Florida wants to marry his computer. Really.

Okay, maybe not really. It’s kinda hard to tell.

Normally — which loses more and more meaning every day since nothing seems to be normal any more — I’d think this was satire. And, it might be. But, these days, you never can tell.

Chris Sevier did file a lawsuit saying he wanted to marry his computer. But, whether or not it’s a real thing or if he’s just using a lawsuit to try to make a point … well, I’m not sure.

He says his computer is so full of porn that he enjoys using it as part of his sex life.

“Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women,” he told a court in Florida.

That’s another thing I’m not sure about. That he had sex with real women. Maybe he did. But, from the looks of things, it may have been proceeded with his using the phrase, “It puts the lotion on its skin.”

Anyway, it could be that he’s taking a round-about way to make a point against gay marriage. He’d be better served by some other method of displaying his opposition.

Then, again, maybe he really does want to marry his MacBook Pro.

If he does, though, what will happen if he’s seduced by a slimmer, trimmer MacBook Air? Who will take care of the discarded MacBook Pro? And, what of the children? Maybe they’ve had some little iPads or iPods. Who gets custody?

It’s a slippery slope. Probably from all the lube.

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9 Responses to “If you love your computer so much…”

  1. jw says:

    i thought he was making an argument for traditional marriage. (very strange that these days “traditional” is a necessary adjective, but i digress.)

    it was outrageous, but in an amusing way, i thought. a repeat of the anti-gay marriage arguments of the past, but now entering the courts, as everything seems to these days.

  2. Jimmy says:

    Well, if he divorces his MacBook Pro, he might have to pay alimony and child support, or, he could give it to his parents and forevermore be showing them how to use the bitch.

  3. DamnCat says:

    “Stay away from our women. You’ve got metal fever, boy. Metal fever.”
    – Bender –

  4. Basil says:

    Yeah, he is. But I think he’s going about it all wrong. I mean, suppose he had won? Then instead of a dialog, we have … well, I’m not sure what it would be, but…

  5. FredKey says:

    Hmm. Usually when guys try to upgrade their wives there’s all kinds of trouble, but this guy will probably be able to get away with it.

  6. Burt says:

    I have no objection until he gets the ‘married, filing jointly’ rate on his tax return. I don’t see that I should have to subsidize his choices. Of course the same argument could be used against gay marriage.

  7. Oppo says:

    How do you break it to someone that his little wifi was once a Pro?

  8. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    I bet the judges checked the porn, saw it was women and tossed his case, he should have at least said his computer was gay since…it is.

  9. J.M. Heinrichs says:

    Apparently, he is a former Navy JAG …


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