Archive of entries posted on June 2014

No, Really, He Looks Like One

Posted by on

In the comments to my post about Goat Simulater, Iowa Jim [High Praise!] said:

“I’m tempted by the possibility of being a goat, unlike Paul Krugman, who just looks like one (Hat tip: Frank J)”

Which is a reference to Frank’s post about How to Stop Secrets From Leaking, wherein he said:

“When the leaker brings the documents to the New York Times, then you grab him because you secretly shipped everyone there to Gitmo and replaced them with doubles (Paul Krugman is a goat in a suit)”

Oddly, when you search “Paul Krugman Goat” in Google Images, nothing comes up. Nevertheless, here’s the proof if you need it.

Paul Krugman:

Paul Krugman’s Doppelgöter:

Close Your Eyes

Posted by on

John Boehner commented on President Obama’s inattention to Iraq, saying “now what’s the president doing? Taking a nap!”

No… he’s letting the country we freed be put to sleep.

Amazing Indeed

Posted by on

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Link of the Day: Could This Be the Greatest Video Game Ever? No.

Posted by on

Rock Simulator 2014

Probably never get past the parody stage, but it’s fun to talk about. My favorite comment from the forum discussion:

I know this is still a development build, but I’m rather concerned about the obvious lack of rocks of color in your game. Far too often games will only represent one, usually granite, and if there is more than one, they’re stereotyped in the worst ways (Igneous is found in other places than just volcanoes, devs!). I’m not asking you or any of your expansive team to end rockism. All I ask is that rocks of all types have a chance at equal representation in video games. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, but here we are.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: God Pot Poison Condor Edna Star Transformers Banana Jihadi

Posted by on

Might As Well, at This Point

Posted by on

A trade group sued the city of Seattle seeking to block a hike in the minimum wage to $15 an hour.

So… if the case goes all the way to the Supreme Court, will John Roberts declare wages taxes?

Obama Warned Us – Winner

Posted by on

You could win a free trip to Chicago this summer. Here’s how: http://ofa.bo/gyq

@BarackObama

1) Be dead
2) Promise to vote

Straight Line of the Day: The Border Patrol Found a “Cheat Sheet” of Things to Say if You’re Caught Sneaking Across the Border…

Posted by on

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Border Patrol found a “cheat sheet” of things to say if you’re caught sneaking across the border…

Let Your Right Brain Run Free

Posted by on

Adam Bellow, one of the creators of Liberty Island, has the cover story in the latest issue of National Review talking about the case for a counterculture revolution (which I get to be a part of by getting my novel published).

BTW, still pushing for the first goal in Liberty Island’s PubSlush campaign. Give and get a reward if you haven’t yet, and pass on to anyone you think might be interested. And the cover image is currently being worked on for my novel, Superego. Can’t wait to see it and share it with you. It better be awesome, because the novel is awesome. Because I wrote it.

There Be Dragons!

Posted by on

DragonConLogoHave any of you been to DragonCon?

You know. That thing in Atlanta every year with all the weird people running around.

No, not Freaknik. The other one.

No, not the SEC Championship. The other one.

No, not the World Series. That never happens. No, I’m talking about that science fiction fantasy weird sh*t happening that they do every year. Yeah. That one. Have you been?

I’ve been in Atlanta when it was going on. Didn’t realize it until I saw a bunch of Klingons walking down the street. I was at a Sons of the American Revolution thing, and somehow wound up near the Klingons. Didn’t have my musket with me, which was probably a good thing.

Anyway, I’ve never been. One of my sisters has been. Maybe two. Maybe all three, I don’t know. It’s not the kind of thing I’d want to bring up. Not normally, at least.

Anyway, I’ve know about the existence of DragonCon for some time, but have never been. Never wanted to go. But, I’m going this year.

I’m going for one reason, and one reason only. The Doctor will be there. If you have to ask “which one?” then you can’t go and see him. It doesn’t matter. But, it is one of the classic Doctors. I wouldn’t go just to see David Tennant, Matt Smith, Christopher Eccleston, Paul McGann, or Peter Capaldi. But, one of the classic Doctors? Yes. Only four of those first seven are still alive. And, though I’m a latecomer to the world of Doctor Who, I’m enough of a fan to want to go see one of the original Doctors at a sci-fi convention.

So, I’m going this year. First time. And, yeah, there are some other people that might be interesting. But, I’m going to see The Doctor. And I’m not sure what it’s going to be like. So, if any of you have been before, let me know what to expect.

I’m thinking a bunch of weird people running around all dressed up like some Nerd Nightmare. I suspect the Klingons will be drunk on their asses each night. Or, maybe just the chicks that go to the Klingon Keg parties. Yeah, that.

So, like I was saying, tell me what to expect. And, if you’ll be there, maybe we’ll run into each other. No, I won’t be dressed up like Princess Leia or anything.

Harvey might, though.

Random Thoughts: The ISA, Soccer, and Cronies

Posted by on

“Give me all your money!” -a mugger
“Give me all your money! And seven years of records and receipts!” -the IRS

Ever seen the romcom starring Marie and Pierre Curie? I heard the two leads in it had a lot of chemistry.

Oh, I thought “one percenters” referred to they type of milk they drank. Now the Occupy Wall Street thing makes slightly more sense.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!! I achieved a personal goal today. What are you guys up to?

These World Cups happen way too often. My limit on caring about soccer is once per decade.

So is losing to Germany good or bad? I don’t really follow soccer.

If another country judges us based on how we play soccer, then they’re not really our friend and we should bomb them.

Remember when we were like, “Germany, don’t be so evil” and they were like, “No! We’re going to be double evil!” and we had a 2nd world war?

I think you don’t advance in the World Cup if you win too much because socialism.

“Are peasants allowed to compare me to Mitt Romney?”

“And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for that meddling Constitution!”

So who was the awful person who came up with this idea of “gender” that’s been oppressing everyone? Probably a white male.

Try to distinguish between when it’s other people oppressing you or when reality is the culprit.

This wedding ran out of wine – what happens next will SHOCK you! #BuzzfeedBible

How easy is it for a rich man to get to Heaven? The answer will surprise you. #BuzzfeedBible

10 easy rules to follow to keep your covenant with God #BuzzfeedBible

So are we sure it’s against the rules to pick up the ball in soccer? Like has anyone tried picking it up?

If you were really emotionally invested in a snail, you could really get cheering about a mile long snail race. Best I can understand soccer.

If you don’t want me to make fun of your sport, then don’t be a fan of a boring, stupid sport.

Okay; let’s just call it a 0-0 tie and be friends.

Come on, Tea Party; won’t someone think of the cronies?

I remember a Garfield joke about an automated battery changer that can only change own batteries; reminds me of establishment Republicans.

There are lots of ways to pay for birth control; there aren’t lots of ways to have religious freedom.

What if Biden started borrowing power?

It seems like politics would be a lot less frustrating to follow if I were a rich crony.

A new Transformers movie just opened, so hopefully Biden isn’t needed to break any ties in the Senate today.

Is there any greater condemnation of capitalism than how many Transformers sequels have resulted from it?

Obama: “I didn’t know the presidency would involve Congress disagreeing with me so much. I should have googled a president on Wikipedia.”

Funny how engine which explodes fuel seems to be last thing to break on car. Power windows, you’re not exploding anything; keep it together.

“But mathematically, our team that just lost still gets to advance.” -1st world country scamming 3rd world country

Soccer fans have to have a bit more sympathy for how genuinely baffled most Americans are by the popularity of soccer.

Take something you don’t understand popularity of (e.g., Dane Cook). Now pretend everyone else in the world thinks it’s the greatest thing ever.

“And now we finally have a land of religious freedom.”
“Must have gotten on the wrong ship; I was going to the land of free birth control.”

It’s always a bad sign when a country feels the need to tell you they’re democratic or a republic in the country’s name.

“Kick the ball! Yes! Now kick it some more! No no no! Don’t pick it up!” -soccer coach, I assume

Saw this on Facebook.

Well, the Steam Summer Sale got a lot of my money, though I don’t expect to have time to play any of those games for months.

It’s a Gift

Posted by on

Asked to name Hillary’s best accomplishment, a book-signing attendee said “Hmmm. Hard to say.”

May I suggest “fortuitous concussion timing”?

Stay Alert

Posted by on

Commenting on the Benghazi fiasco, Hillary Clinton told Diane Sawyer “we cannot eliminate every threat, every danger”.

No, but you could’ve at least looked at a calendar to see when September 11th was.

Link of the Day: How to Fix the New York Times

Posted by on

[High Praise! to The Gormogons]

NYT Gets Some Editing Help From Walmart

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

lolbama! Part 189

Posted by on

Submit entries to lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

From Bad Science:

From Burt:

[reference link]

From Hunter of Nuking Politics:

[reference link] (Obscury!)

From Les of Nuking Politics:

From walruskkkch:

From walruskkkch:

From walruskkkch:

From walruskkkch:

[reference link]

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From FertileMoor:

From Fred Key:

[reference link]

From Hatless in Hattiesburg:

From Les of Nuking Politics:

From Les of Nuking Politics:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

Hunter, who had to explain to me who the Cybermen were.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

IMAGE SOURCES: Lots of great Obama pics to be found at the White House Flickr page.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.