Can we at least keep illegal immigrant criminals from coming over here? We don’t want them stealing heists from American criminals.

Make sure to join in the crowdfunding for Liberty Island which will be publishing my first novel.

It only takes $5 to get the ebook of my novel. You have $5. Everyone in America has at least $5.

It’s $25 for a signed copy of the print book. So if you’ve been dying to get me to acknowledge your existence, boom.

Not sure how to promote myself as a first time novelist, but I promise I am good writer. No write boring.

I can’t imagine someone who wouldn’t want a novel by me. Maybe if that person was the reincarnation of Hitler.

You’re not the reincarnation of Hitler, though. You would like a fun story about sociopathic, intergalactic hitman written by me.

Working in the IT department for the federal government seems like it’s very non-demanding.

Got an idea for a wacky comedy about an Obama appointee trying desperately and unsuccessfully to get himself fired.

So this is the United States of America that’s about to play a soccer match? Not some country called “Usa”?

Not to sound like an ignorant American, but what continent is Ghana on?

We put a man on the moon; I don’t care if we can put a ball in a net.

So when is the first game we play against a country Americans have heard of?

The clock counts up? What insanity is this? Has no one who plays soccer seen how a modern sport works?

But what country is best at playing Mario Kart?

But what if we lose to Ghana? I bet Barack Obama won’t take any of the blame.

Wow. This live update of the World Cup that Twitter has put on the sidebar is really exciting.

You have to give Americans credit for caring enough about soccer to make fun of it. We could just completely ignore it.

None of our tax dollars went to teaching guys how to kick a ball around, right?

“America just played its first game of the 2014 World Cup.”
“The what?”
“And they beat Ghana!”
“Who?”

So far, this is really in the running for best season of 24.