I wish I could just dismiss everyone who disagreed with me as evil racists; that would allow me to use much less brain power for politics.

Science confirms: Our faces are very punchable.

Probably best way to get California to split is make coastal cities think it’s their idea. “Only thing holding us back are those right-wingers!”

If the global warming apocalypse happens, then I’ll believe those scientists on the next apocalypse they predict.

Obama had no significant achievements as a Senator. Hillary has no significant achievements as a Senator AND Secretary of State. #Upgrade

I hate the World Cup season when we here in America get inundated with a mention or two of soccer.

“You should learn to defend yourself.”
“No. I’m going to teach everyone in the world not to attack me.”
“Yeah, that sounds easier.”

“Wow! You kicked that ball! Good job!” -me to my one year old or foreign sports team

After Bill’s presidency, the Clintons struggled to get by. The reason Hillary did nothing about Benghazi is because she was busy couponing.

So did the machine ever respond to the rage?

Be wary when your wife gets so old she starts to tell tales, because those tend to be nonsense.