*Meets god*
You're real, eh?
*God nods*
And you saw all of that?
*God nods*
… I'll see myself out
— The Natewolf (@thenatewolf) June 23, 2014
Me: A watched pot never boils.
Wife: …
Me: …
Wife: …
Me: …
Wife: …
Me: …
Wife: Try turning on the stove, idiot.
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) June 25, 2014
"I need a poison that kills instantly but isn't traceable."
The man in the alley nods.
He opens his trenchcoat, revealing vials of gluten.
— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) June 26, 2014
Only as the condor bore me & my guitar away in its talons did I realize the crowd's cries of "Free Bird!" were not a request, but a warning.
— Glenn (@justabloodygame) June 26, 2014
If your name is Edna, you can automatically walk into any county fair in America and someone will hand you a blue ribbon for baking.
— Vesta Tot (@VestaTot) June 26, 2014
Raymond Chandler to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, visible only by the neon reflection on high heels during a hard wet rain.
— Chris Marcil (@ChrisMarcil) June 26, 2014
What if nobody went to see the new Transformers movie this weekend. What if we lived in that world.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) June 27, 2014
orange is the new you glad I didn't say banana
— Cakemittens (@cakemittens) June 29, 2014
What a weird world we live in. Before you can watch a jihadi video from Syria, you have to watch a 30-second X-box ad.
— Karl Sharro (@KarlreMarks) June 29, 2014
Just remember, that when you’re hands are in the dirt, your hands are in thousands of years of bird crap.
@1 Jimmy
http://www.wimp.com/hawksays/
jw, that was great.
I’ve got Redtails, Bald Eagles, Ospreys, Harriers, Merlins, and Owls…
…Northern Flickers, Pileated Woodpeckers, Stellar Jays, Kinkfishers, Crows, Seagulls and Terns…
…Towhees, Juncos, Barn Swallows, English Sparrows, Goldfinches, Rosy Finches…
…White Doves, Pigeons, Quail, Robins, Blackbirds, Cowbirds and Blue Herons…
and finally,
…Canadian Geese (ug!)
So, that’s a lotta bird crap. But I love my dirt!
Boysenberries!
Potatoes!
Jimmy,
i’ve got red-tails and cooper’s hawks. turkey vultures and turkeys. pileated woodpeckers, northern flickers, downies and hairies and an occasional yellow bellied sapsucker.
carolina chickadees and tufted titmice (one of whom drank my coffee).
cardinals and rose-breasted grosbeaks, red and white breasted nuthatches, juncos and eastern phoebes. ruby throated hummingbirds and goldfinches, house finches and an occasional ruby crowned kinglet.
catbirds and towhees. mourning doves (boo!). redheaded woodpeckers and red bellied woodpeckers. barred owls and indigo buntings.
oh, and a brother at the World Bird Sanctuary who liked the link, too.