I know everyone is going to call me a bigot and say I’m on the wrong side of history, but it still needs to be said: the Mutant Registration Act just makes sense.

I know the left are always going on about how mutants are being discriminated against and questioning them at all makes us basically evil racists, but the left’s position on this issue makes absolutely no sense. Right now, if a kid in school so much as draws a picture of a gun, the cops get called. But if there is a kid in class with mutant exploding powers who could easily kill everyone in the classroom — either maliciously or accidentally — then we’re all Nazis for saying, “Hey, maybe we should reevaluate whether that kid should be in the same class as everyone else.” Not only that, we’re bigots for wanting to even know about that kid. How does this make any sense? I guess dead school children is better than “discrimination.”

And it’s not like these mutant powers are the same as someone walking around with a concealed gun like millions of Americans do and not necessarily harming anyone; no, they’re actively using them. Many of the mutants are in this paramilitary organization — the X-Men — and flying around in military-grade hardware to “fight evil.” Some of us think that maybe — just maybe — the government should watch these people. And of course we get called racists for this basic common sense.

And it really seems like we’re not being told the truth about these mutants. When we ask how they got these fantastical powers, we’re basically told they were just born with them and to shut up. I mean, what is the official explanation of mutants? Evolution. Really? I guess it makes a little sense for that one mutant from Canada to have to evolve self-healing powers in response to socialized medicine, but how does evolution explain being able to shoot lasers out your eyes or to be able to control the weather? Do they think we haven’t had high school biology and don’t know how natural selection works? You don’t just suddenly go in one generation from normal human to blue guy who can teleport himself. Demon possession is closer to being a scientific explanation of their powers than evolution is.

So that’s why I support the Mutant Registration Act. It just makes sense, and we can’t trust these mutants with their obvious lies about how they got their powers. And if we don’t have the Mutant Registration Act, let’s at least make things more fair; the left supports fairness, don’t they? So now, every American should be able to own machine guns and bazookas without having to register them (and if anyone asks where we got them, they’ll just have to accept the explanation of “evolution”). Now normal Americans will be more on par with the mutants. And if you see a bunch of guys with weaponry get in a helicopter and fly off somewhere, just assume they’re going to battle evil and don’t question them.

Actually, I just talked myself into that. Forget the Mutant Registration Act. Let’s go with the everyone gets machine guns and bazookas and the government doesn’t question us idea. That sounds awesome.