34 Comments

  1. … that American troops deserved to be killed, raped, and mutilated in the name of the glorious Jihad. He then had to apologize, explaining that he accidentally got the speech Val Jarrett was going to give to CAIR loaded into his TelePrompter by mistake.

  2. …”If you like your conflict, you can keep your conflict.”

    …”Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”

    …”I’m working harder than I’ve ever worked before to secure your VA benefits.”

  3. …President Obama said “Man, being away from home for months, not seeing or hearing from the wife and kids for months, maybe even a year. I envy you fellas. I want to put on one of those costumes and join y’all.”

    …President Obama said “Let’s have a moment of silence for a Trayvon.”

  4. …we need to understand our opponents; see their point of view; understand their concerns…unless they’re Republicans in which case we can all agree that they’re all racist bug#uck crazies.

  5. …why are we wasting all this military effort over here? I bet there’s not a single American conservative in the whole country!

    …I killed Bin Laden.

    …this doesn’t count as a vacation, right?

    …can’t we just solve this Afghanistan thing with some well-placed hashtags?

    …I love Afghans! they’re so meaty and you get a lot of meat on the bones.

  6. … “One more selfie and I’m outta here. You guys stay out of the shot.”

    … “Well, I’ll be. Michelle was right. I can’t see any difference between being here and being on the campaign trail.”

    … “Joe asked me to bring him a picture of William Hurt’s locker.”

    … “I killed bin Laden! Civilians will never understand what we go through.”

    … “Thousand yard stare? Like, a par two?”

  7. …your safety is my first priority so I have declared Afghanistan a gun free zone, stricter rules will of course be imposed on troops involved with building schools, no more finger guns and new rules of Pop Tart chew pattern engagement will be enforced.

    …hey you, you in the wheel chair, on your feet when I’m speaking, there’s a reason they don’t call this Afghanisit.

    …I hear every last one of you volunteered to check for IED’s today and had to be ordered to stay here for my appearance, that shows great morale and enthusiasm and you will be thanked for it by someone at a later time I’m sure.

    …OK, maybe hiring al Qaeda to run the V A death panels backfired but how else are we going to get them out of Afghanistan, they’re not evil enough to run as Democrats back in the US, at least not in any Blue states.

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