I feel a little burnt out on In My World™ right now, so I decided to do a different post today. Though I know you shouldn’t count your doves before they hatch, it’s looking more and more likely that Howard Dean, the angry peacenik, is going to be the Democrat nomination for president. Thus, I’ve decided to do something useful for a change and have my crack research staff do some muckraking on him. Here is what they found:
FUN FACTS ABOUT HOWARD DEAN
* He always cheats at Scrabble.
* Is governor of Vermont, and I hear there are some gay people there.
* Has a bit of an anger problem. Once, when the copier jammed at his campaign headquarters, he beat his entire staff with a metal stapler.
* He has gotten both the support of Al Gore and the entire Borg collective.
* Al Gore decided to support Howard Dean when he found out that Liberman is a Joooo! Apparently, Liberman never mentioned that he was religious during the 2000 campaign.
* Was once stopped for suspicion of drunk driving, and then a dead hooker was found in his trunk. Due to some technicalities in his arrest, the only charge that stuck was that he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt.
* He still doesn’t wear his seatbelt.
* Was the basis for the movie Howard the Duck.
* The reason he was so against the war in Iraq is that Saddam was his college roommate.
* If elected president, plans to put a hotline on his desk that directly connects to France so, in a crisis, he can always ask them what to do.
* At every campaign stop, an orphanage mysteriously catches fire.
* Is actually the alter-ego of Aquaman’s arch-nemesis, Black Manta.
* Plans to be the surrenderenest president ever.
* Was seen rooting for the Soviet in Rocky IV.
* He completely dishonors Bushido, the way of the samurai.
* Plans to raise taxes to fund his weather control machine so he can take over the world. Not even Aquaman will be able to stop him.
* Has lots of stock in Al Qaeda (symbol ALQ), and would lose a lot of money if they were ever defeated.
* Is always threatening to cut people, but claims that’s just because he’s a doctor.
* The only reason he supports gun rights is to confuse those of us who want to label him a complete liberal. Damn you!
Senator Dean must be stopped…
“Has a bit of an anger problem. Once, when the copier jammed at his campaign headquarters, he beat his entire staff with a metal stapler.”
It wouldn’t happen to have been a red swingline at all, would it?
Wednesday Warp
The new Carnival of the Vanities is up over at Signal+Noise in a creative variation on the insect world. Thanks, Chris! Frank J. has a new Know Thy Enemy: Howard Dean…you’ll learn a few things reading that. I was in
“Is actually the alter-ego of Aquaman’s arch-nemesis, Black Manta.”
Aquaman can beat Black Manta. And since Black… Dean is beating the other 8 Loony Left Candidates then Aquaman can defeat at least 9 people, not counting the French.
At least he knows how to play scrabble, unlike the likely republican candidate. Not that I’m voting for dean just wanted to fuel the fire
His nickname is “Dizzy” Dean (only us old folks will understand this).
Not just old folks. Us baseball fans get the reference as well.
Burnt out from “In My World”? But there’s such a plethora of enemies to fight. You’ve got WereTito, Robo-Zhukov (only because I can’t come up with any other well-known, successful Commie generals off hand), and Uday and Qusay Hussein, the Undead Twins of Doom. I think it will only go overboard when you have to resort to Todor Zhikov and his baboon henchman, Mister Chuckles.
Hey! I happen to LIKE Dean. I mean, he ran Vermont for over a decade without breaking anything. Dubya gets his mitts on the precidency for three years and he alienates the world community and has two wars going (the second one was his fault; the Taliban started the first).
And he can pronounce English.
And that whole thing with the hooker was just a misunderstanding.
He claimed he just bought the care and hadn’t checked the trunk yet.
And all the countries we alienated are weak and pathetic and we never wanted to talk to them anyway.
“Dean ran Vermont for over a decade without breaking anything”??? Now there is an unqualified indorsement if i ever heard one.
Vermont has, what, 83 people living there in the summer? And 21 people in the winter? The state budget must be all of $3,000.00. Even Clinton couldn’t screw up that deal! (Whoops, got a little overly-excited there.)
But what can you expect from someone who obviously thinks the “world community” consists of the monkey-loving french and a few germans and russians. Bush hasn’t caused any problems that a C-130 Spectre gunship couldn’t fix in a few minutes. Or maybe a few friendly minutes with Robo-Patton. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
mikey
rofl
Frank J writes: Al Gore decided to support Howard Dean when he found out that Liberman is a Joooo! Read the whole post here….
Al Gore decided to support Howard Dean when he found out that Liberman is a Joooo!
ROTFLMAO!!! Gore’s dumb enough that that one might actually be true.
Riyadh delenda est!
Hey, look! A muckadoo! Haven’t had one of those around here in a while.
I think Howard Ding… errrrr…. Dean, would make a good Leader because he can solve every problem on Earth in a single, 15 second sound byte.
As for the Algore endorsement, I think that it’s a Clinton plot (they control Algore’s mind implant, after all) to handicap (Papa) Doc Dean.
(Is it just me, or is Algore looking like Johnny Weismuller more and more, these days?)
IMAO Examines Howard Dean
Frank J gives us the low down on Howard Dean. Some of this stuff is far fetched, but here are the very true parts:…
Hey, Frank– not to nitpick, but I gotta nitpick.
The dude’s name is Lieberman. You’ve been leaving out the “e” for months now, and I — aaaugh! I couldn’t stop myself.
Sorry ’bout that.
But what can you expect from someone who obviously thinks the “world community” consists of the monkey-loving french and a few germans and russians.
No No No . . I think you mean The Soviet Union
* Was the basis for the movie Howard the Duck.
Can’t Be.. Howard got Laid in the movie
Plus, Dean has green teeth.
Personally, I think that Howard Dean should shut up, and crawl into a hole for about another 10 years. Preferably more. I hear the caves in Afganistan are lovely — maybe Osama could move over?
It was the orphanage bit that sent me into fits of hysterical laughter. And I do mean fits.
hln
Woohoo! glossolalia, right above me!
My vote goes for “Is always threatening to cut people, but claims that’s just because he’s a doctor.”
Fun facts about howard Dean!
IMAO: Know Thy Enemy: Howard Dean * Has a bit of an anger problem. Once, when the copier jammed at…
The 411 on Dean
In light of Howard Dean’s recent anointing as The Chosen One, Frank J’s crack team of researchers dig up some…
Okay, you win. Maybe the World Community doesn’t really matter, but I just had to stand up for Dean- just once- because all 21 permanent citizens of Vermont have to rally behind something.
Besides… Dean has promised us Eternal Summer if we win, and it’s 10 above outside right now. Some choice.
Two quick questions–first, what’s with the homo-bashing? Second, and more importantly, I liked the joke about him driving drunk…oh…wait…that actually did happen with Bush…
Frank
Frank is out ahead of everyone else yet again. While most folks are covering Kerry and Kucinich, Frank is all over the real future of the Democratic party….
Litefantastic said, “Okay, you win. Maybe the World Community doesn’t really matter, but I just had to stand up for Dean- just once- because all 21 permanent citizens of Vermont have to rally behind something.
Besides… Dean has promised us Eternal Summer if we win, and it’s 10 above outside right now. Some choice.”
Hey…it’s worked like a champ for Teddy, the date killin’, Kennedy.
oh my god, frank will you marry me? i’m 25 with a nice pair of legs. please respond.
Frank, weren’t you the one who was caught masturbating in the boy’s shower in junior high?
If the posters on this site are representative of the voter pool (average IQ=50), then maybe we deserve another 4 years of Bush. Keyword: Pathetic.
Dick (if that is your real name) – the IQ average was 53 prior to your post. Thanks for killing it for the rest of us…
No my name isnt Dick, I just am one. And how did you know my IQ? Am I being…watched???