I can’t think of anything funny to say. Maybe I’m running out of funny for the year. I could rant about something… but what’s something I don’t like?
Oh yeah – terrorists!
WHY I DON’T LIKE TERRORISTS
by Frank J.
Terrorists make me angry. They try to get their message across by blowing up people and hurting them which is bad. Why can’t they get their message across like me and just write in a blog? Maybe they are illiterate. Fine, then maybe blowing themselves up is their only way to communicate, but why can’t they do it in a safe environment instead of around other people? It’s wrong to hurt other people. Some say Allah told them to hurt people; well maybe then they should stop listening to Allah. Anyone who is trying to get you to hurt people you should stay away from.
Maybe instead of terrorism they could get a hobby like stamp collecting. Maybe they wouldn’t be so angry if they put all their attention into collecting stamps. Or coins. Doesn’t sound that interesting to me, but some people seem to like it. Also, when they get angry, instead of terrorism, punch a pillow. Also, they could stop keeping explosives around so they don’t get tempted.
And what do terrorists have against the Jews? Did the Jews make fun of them when the terrorists were little? Still, that’s no excuse to eradicate people. Maybe instead of eradicating Jews they could eradicate monkeys. I hear there are monkeys in the Middle East, and I bet that a lot of things that they blamed on the Jews were actually because of monkeys. Especially if the problem was someone stealing their sugar. Monkeys like sweet things. Jews like bagels.
Anyway, terrorists need to learn to be nicer or we’ll have our Marines kill them all. The end.
UPDATE: If you know anyone who also doesn’t like terrorists, buy him or her this t-shirt for Christmas. Hooray.
I think you may be on to something about the monkeys. I remember in Raiders of the Lost Ark, there was a monkey that caused all sorts of problems. I don’t remember if it was the middle east, but it looked very sandy and the people all dressed funny so it might have been. Plus, I think the monkey told the Nazis where Han Solo’s girlfriend was hiding in a big hamper. If monkeys are helping Nazis, then they must hate Jews, too. Funny, but Han Solo’s girlfriend didn’t look Jewish. I think that maybe it’s not Allah that’s telling the terrorists to blow people up. Maybe it’s monkeys. Or else, maybe Allah is a monkey. Think about it.
It always seems like the terrorists are unwashed when you see pictures of them. I guess if they don’t value their own lives then they probably won’t wash. That got me thinking, who else doesn’t value their lives and won’t bath? Other than the french, I thought about severly depressed people. What if terrorists are all really depressed?
We should try to medicate all the potential terrorists in an effort to prevent depression.
Electroshock therapy is used to treat depression. Scientist still don’t know why it works… but it does!
Maybe people just claim to no longer be depressed so the doctor will stop shocking him or her.
I think LibertyBob might be on to something with the bathing thing. Terrorists, the french, and hippies! – None of them appear to bath and all of them are stupid. Maybe it’s their own stink making them stupid? Or maybe a lack of personal hygiene is just their “sign” that says “I’m Stupid.” Hmmmm… The possibilities of this theory…
“Anyway, terrorists need to learn to be nicer or we’ll have our Marines kill them all. The end.”
This is the most sensible thing I’ve read all week. Simple, yet effective.
Clancy is right. The uncleanliness might be the thing. If we add hillbillies to the list the pattern is maintained. Clancy, you’re a genius!
Soap for everybody!!
Strong soap, and make sure they scrub that ass!
A+ Compositioin
A+ Grammar and spelling
A+ Penmanship (you lucked out on this one!)
Nice work, Frank. Now go pick out a treat from the treasure box.
Terrorists collecting stamps! LOL! What a visual.
I liked this one quite a bit.
I think Frank is on to something:
Terrorists kill Jews instead of monkeys.
There are no monkeys in the Middle East.
Coincidence? I think not!!
The solution is obvious: ship monkeys to the Middle East ASAMFP. This will give the terrorists something else to do, AND torque off Chim-Chim at the same time. It’s a win/win for everyone! 🙂
Haha, collecting stamps! Awesome!
What about the hardcore bomber types? Maybe they need a hobby with a little more ‘oompf’? Like say Pokemon or Magic: The Gathering Cards…Then those with ‘monkey-angst’ could live out their violent thoughts with a game safe enough for children. Much safer than playing with explosives and taunting Israeli soldiers.
spark21
Everquest.
That’s what they need. Get them started playing Everquest and they will never leave their computers. I knew some guys that started playing Everquest and I never saw them again.
Problem solved.
…for some reason I misread the title as:
“I Don’t Like Tourists”
😉
Maybe instead of stamp collecting they could collect T-shirts. I think they may have a problem with your T-shirt though.
The only problem with playing video games is that someone would start up with the violent video games argument. I think that it is a bunch of bs, but how do you argue with the fact when you get terrorists playing them?
The trick with the violent video games is to tell the terrorists that they have aquired the lateset old Soviet technology. When they are playing they think they are killing Jews or who ever by remote control and are quite content to do so. Let them “steal” a shipment of pizzas and Doritos and in no time at all they won’t fit in their cars let alone do a car bombing.
To keep up the illusion that they are starting with old Soviet technology we caould start them with Pong. (Or does that sound too North Korean?)
******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******BREAKING NEWS******
CHIRAC AGREED TO SEND 200.000 FRENCH TROOPS TO BAIL OUT YOUESSAN “ARMY” HIT BY MASSIVE DESERTIONS
Our special correspondent in Paris reports.
French officials are alarmed by the catastrophic news coming from Iraq: Unitedstatish “soldiers” are escaping from Iraq under the guise of Kurdish citizens, wearing the famous Iraqi and Arab al-dashdasha (loose headdress) which has become much sought-after recently, Iraqis told FoxNews. His Excellency Jean-David Levitte, France’s ambassador to the youess, was lately ordered to return to France immediately by the President of the French Republic, Jacques Chirac. Mr Levitte unconvincingly denied leaking that President Chirac was “infuriated” that the French “had to bail the youess out for a third time in less than 250 years” —referring to the independence granted by the French Army to the British insurgents and to the Louisiana purchase wanted by Paris to help nascent youessan agriculture and stop starvation. According to press leaks, Mr Chirac nonetheless admitted that he wouldn’t “wait until all those cheeseburger-eatin’ desertin’ she-boons are hiding somewhere in Turkey” to lend a helping hand to the desperate unitedstatish officials. An aid to Mrs MichËle Alliot-Marie, Minister of Defence, aired that President Chirac was prepared to send a 200.000-strong expeditionary force to replace deserting youessans. The aid told Mrs Alliot-Marie did nothing to hide her “annoyance” at youessan “staggering incompetence “ and “utter inaptitude “. She allegedly even mentioned that “the French are successful in Congo-ZaÔre the size of which is four times bigger than that of France while the youessey is simply incapable of taking charge of Iraq which is 22 times smaller. This is starting to get ridiculous !”.
Authorised sources from Vichyngton D.C. disclosed that Obersturmführer John Ashcroft recently arranged a secret trip to the French capital for Donald Rumsfeld. French Authorities have issued a forged Pakistani passport under the fake name of “Donallahda Ben Rimsfild” to camouflage Rumsfeld’s top-secret flight to Paris. Besides those humiliating measures, Mrs Ben Rimsfild had to put a burka on before she was allowed on board in an Air France’s Airbus for Paris. “The burka was needed to guarantee anonymity to Mr Rumsfeld”, said Jean-Cyril Spinetta, Air France’s CEO, “It was intended as neither a persecutory manúuvre nor a vicious intrigue. It was a mere self-explaining precautionary step”. At her arrival to Charles-de-Gaulle airport, Mrs Ben Rimsfild was swiftly pushed in a black-glassed, bullet-proof luxury Renault that rushed to the Quai d’Orsay —the office of Mr Dominique de Villepin, Minister of Foreign Affairs. After a three-hour fifty-minute wait in the sumptuously furnished anteroom to de Villepin’s austere cabinet, Mrs Ben Rimsfild was eventually asked in. Profoundly embarrassed by Mrs Ben Rimsfild’s utter impropriety, Mr de Villepin urged the youessan to unveil. Which (s)he did —suddenly bursting into tears and yelling hysterically: “You MUST help us out ! You MUST bail us out ! I can’t take it anymore–”. Disconcerted by such an obvious lack of sang-froid, de Villepin spouted comforting words to Mrs Ben Rimsfild that he would see to it that President Chirac makes a telephone call to Bush, and then he saw the whining nuisance off at his cabinet’s mahogany doors.
Unfortunately French concerns about unitedstatish impotence are not limited to diplomatic and military issues. Said Francis Mer, France’s Minister of Economy and Finance: “The French are happy to help the youessey overcome those very sad times” —a polite allusion to the disastrous $ 31.250.000.000.000 deficit caused by unitedstatish households, companies and federal government. Mr Mer explained that the “fine” the Californian Attorney General “demanded” from the Crédit Lyonnais —a top-ranking French-owned bank— and from French Authorities “was actually a secret bilateral agreement”. To the great despair of demoralised youess financial “markets”, the Crédit Lyonnais acquired Executive Life (an ailing unitedstatish insurance company) a few years ago. Upon a formal request by Mrs Roselyne Bachelot, Minister of Environment and Ecology, Mr Mer agreed to inject fresh money ($ 475.000.000) into the youess “economy” “to help California hire more fire-fighters so that new blazes could be extinguished more rapidly”. Mr Mer also insisted that the extra subsidy “should be allocated to the 60.000.000 youessans who still don’t enjoy Social Security, a fundamental right of unitedstatish citizens”. Asked whether the $-475.000.000 subsidy was truly considered a “fine” by the French government, Mr Mer simply left without answering —a clumsy attempt to appear diplomatic. Mrs Bachelot —an inveterate leaker— later floated that the subsidy was in reality categorised as “foreign emergency aid” according to the French public budget system, although “we are eager to show utmost consideration towards our unlucky, pitiful unitedstatish friends”.
I don’t know.
If terrorists collected stamps, they’d probably collect stamps from Bikini Atoll.
MonkeyPants
Imperial Lizaroid Trainer
LOL! As if!
WHY HE DOESN’T LIKE TERRORISTS
Frank J. has a request for terrorists:Maybe instead of eradicating Jews they could eradicate monkeys. I hear there are monkeys in the Middle East, and I bet that a lot of things that they blamed on the Jews were actually…
Hate Terrorists
Hmm…, I don’t like them either but I think I feel a little stronger about it than that.
I just don’t like terrorist cause they aren’t americans. I don’t like foreigners. they’re kinda…non american.