Some of you have been wondering “Hey, that Lawrence Simons guy in the podcasts, where is he on the IMAO site?”
Well, here I am. And I really wish you’d spell my name right. I mean, is our president Jorge Busch? Or do you spell Pele… um… how do you screw up Pele’s name?
Anyway, since you’ve really enjoyed my Crappy Bedtime Stories and haven’t lynched me for them yet, I’ve decided to share a few more stories with you.
Abraham Lincoln was our 16th President. You probably think you’ve heard everything about the man, from his birth in a log cabin to his death at Ford’s Theater. You’ve heard his many wise words of wise wisdom over the years.
Well, there’s more to the story. And that’s where The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln come into play, exploring the Horrible Truth about some of those famous wise words of wisdom we all know and love… but in just one hundred words at a time!
In Adventure Number One, we join Slightly-Less-Than-Honest Abe and his somewhat insane wife Mary Todd Lincoln in the White House…
Abraham looked down and winced.
His legs dangled from the chair. He kicked and swung them, but they never reached the floor.
Abraham bit his fist and cried silently, his face a twisted mask of agony.
“Abraham!” yelled Mary Todd. “Come down here this instant!”
“My legs are not long enough to reach the ground!” yelled Abraham. “Nobody must see me this way! Tell the generals to all go home!”
“Abraham!” she shouted. “Oh, my sweet darling Abraham!”
He cried loudly, whimpering.
Mary Todd cried, too. She’d give every penny she had to see her Abraham’s bright, shining face again.
Stay tuned to IMAO for the further Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln, one hundred words at a time!
(No Abraham Lincolns were harmed in the production of this story.)
First! I win.
Excellent, I was hoping L-A-U-R-E-N-C-E was going to start blogging here too. Welcome my amusing (and good for podcasts) voiced friend. Great job on this fairly confusing first installment:-)
I like this Lawrence Simmons person. He’s not full of crap like a lot of bloggers I read. His name sounds ethnic. Is he a Mexican like RWD?
Cut insulting Abraham Lincoln. He was one of the greatest Presidents, and did what he could to heal the wounds of the country. Couldn’t you go after John Tyler, Gerald Ford, or Warren G. harding?
I will not read these Loncoln stories.
Shame on you, Simon.
I don’t have 100 quotes from Warren G. Harding. Heck, nobody does.
One day, Harvey will mock Texas. And I’ll grin and bear it.
I believe that before I get to Adventure #100, you’ll be laughing with the rest of them. Or you’ll have arranged to have me killed.
I’m just confused by this, but I missed the Podcasts…..since I missed them I’m not sure if they contained anything to help me understand this though………….yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah
It was funny until the actual part about Lincoln.
Paylay!!