NASA has announced a plan to crash a probe into the moon with a collision so violent it should be visible from earth. I don’t want people misinterpreting the purpose of this mission. I know many you think that, just because I’m a paid consultant to both NASA and the DOD for this project that was authorized by the President and is being overlooked by the Secretary of Defense, think that this mission is a precursor to “nuking the moon.” That idea is so insane, it’s crazy. The mission, as stated, is to simply find water.
“Why is a huge collision needed to find water?” you may ask.
Well, when looking for water, you want to give it a 110%. That means a huge explosion.
And why do we need moon water?
Yes, it may seem like we have plenty of water here on earth since two-thirds of the planet is covered in it, but the present consumption of bottled water is not going to meet up with supply. And where can we get more water? Mars? Mars is too far away. We need moon water.
So, this NASA mission is all about water on the moon, so put all your ideas about nuking the moon to rest. That idea is so crazy, it’s insane.
Now, completely off-topic, if I were in charge of the design of a nuclear payload to crash into the natural satellite of some planet, what do you think should be written on it in big letters? I was going to go with “Eat this, moon hippies!” but I’d like to have some alternates for my upcoming presentation.
“FIRST”
I think they’re actually planning to land it, but just in case something goes wrong they can say, “see, we meant to do that!”
All your base are– nah, too derivative.
“How’s my aim? Call 1-800-NUKE-TERRORISM”
“Take THIS to your leaders!”
(always love a classic)
“YOUR NAME ON THIS ITEM FREE! Just annoy the hell out of the US.”
“72 Virgins Express – Ask US Army For Information”
Finally the moon is getting Nuked. cheers!
Well Frank, according to some, the USAF has been considering nuking the moon for a very long time USAF Plans to nuke the Moon
All I can say is that those moon-people had it coming. How do they expect us to react when they abduct law abiding Americans for unwarranted “probing”?
We come in peace, unless you’re terrorists and then we’re hear to smack you down.
OR
Play no attention to woman in the cockpit. Her name is Hillary and she is mentally deranged. Just nod and have someone keep an eye on her. As a matter of fact keep both eyes on her. She can be violent, but is mostly just shrill and offensive. No deposit, no return. If you find you must rid yourself of her, send her to another planet, far, far away.
Don’t write anything on the moon. Draw something. An impact crater in the right place just might make the man in the moon look like Mohammed.
That would be the ultimate Mohammed cartoon, and one they would see EVERY NIGHT FOREVER….
Heck, you could tell them it was already done: Haven’t they seen the face in the moon? Ranger and Surveyor did it already.
“Hey, Mohammed! This is for your moon ‘god’ and we have plenty left for you!”
FrankJ’s original “Nuke the Moon” essay has recently received much approving notice at, um, either “Little Green Footballs” or “Real Clear Politics,” one of those fine conservative websites that usually don’t bring the funny.
This reminds me of an episode of the (hilarious) cartoon, “The Tick”. One bad guy, Chairface Chippendale, was going to burn his name into the surface of the moon with a laser. Tick, Arthur, et al. stopped him, and in every episode after that, you could see the letters “CHA” anytime they showed the moon.
How long before Ted Kennedy starts referring to this as an illegal pre-emptive strike, and claiming that our attack has brought the moon to the point of a potential civil war?
Well hey,
crashing a vehicle helped Teddy find water. So may we’re just following his example.
yes
Maybe NASA wants to sell bottled “Moon Water”. The SFians would buy it.
Suggestons for bomb labels:
“How’s my bombing? Call 1-800-BITE-ME”
“Warning: Do not eat contents.”
“THIS END UP”
“If you can read this, you’re about to die.”
Or you could just add paper mache arms and legs and paint it to look like:
1. Mohammed – just to pi$$ off you know who…or…
2. Uncle Sam – so that moonbats will think it’s headed towards an antiwar protest and follow it to ground zero.
Moonbat guidance-system removal mission. About time.
Actually, there have already been some big rockets crashed into the Moon. The third stage of the Saturn V’s that launched Apollos 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17 were deliberately crashed for seismic studies of the Moon’s core. The S-IVB weighed 253,000 pounds, so it was a pretty good hammer blow.
I think it’s gonna say…
“GoldenPalace.com”
Maybe they could paint AlGore’s face on it with the caption; Greetings, I’m AlGore and I invented the internet and NASA and I want to be your Supreme High Commander or if all else fails a member of the Supremes.