Obama knelt by his maternal grandmother. “You just sit here while I give my speech.”
“You make me proud, little Barry.”
“I will, grandma.”
Obama walked to the microphone. One of the crowd shouted, “We love you Obama!”
“I love you too, press,” Obama said. “Now, it’s time to talk about the important issue of race. As you see, I have my grandmother with me…” He pointed to his grandmother behind him who smiled and waved to the press. “…a horrible ignorant white racist.”
“What! Why you little–”
“There she goes again.” Obama chuckled. “Probably about to say another racial epithet.”
“You little bastard! I–”
“Yes, we know, grandma,” Obama interrupted her. “Black people love to steal and rob. You told me a million times.” He looked back at the press. “Still I love her, and she showed her love to me in her own racist way, making sure she always had plenty of fried chicken and watermelon for my visits.”
“I raised you, you ungrateful–”
“It’s okay, grandma,” Obama told her. “Remember? It’s me; your grandson. I’m not going to steal your purse.” He turned back to the press. “You see, I can’t disown Jeremiah Wright anymore than I can disown my crazy racist grandma.”
“How dare you compare me with that insane preacher you decided to hang out with. I should–”
“Yes, I know, grandma. You hate Mexicans too.” He looked back to the press. “I want to create racial healing and understanding, so that’s why I want you to know that all black people are just like Wright and suspect you white people of making HIV to kill them. From that understanding, we can begin the healing.”
“I always knew you were a lying little–”
Obama laughed. “I better take my grandma home before she starts another ignorant, racist rant.”
“We’re all going to vote for you, Obama!” one of the reporters shouted.
“Thanks.” He then turned to his grandma. “Time to go home now.”
“I’m going to tell everyone how you–”
Obama looked to an aide. “Take her to a nursing home.”
“Which one?”
“I dunno; one with locks.”
His aides carted away his screaming grandma. Obama smiled to himself. “I love racial healing. Dumb crackers just eat that up.”
I think you portrayed the grandmother perfectly, Frank. We all have grandmothers like that, don’t we?
My own saintly grandma — a fine Christian woman — often said to me “Here, Shockie, have a piece of pie.” I shudder at the horror of her words, but I love her, anyway. She’s family.
I could no more disown my sweet, but deluded, Grammy than I could turn my back on the grocer where I buy my pie now.
I’m waiting to see if Obama is going to try to make it a law that the black guy can’t be killed in any movies. “If I’m president, then no black man has to die for a white man’s entertainment.” or something like that. Then, I bet he’s going to order that they re-film Jurassic Park, Dirty Dozen, and Running Man so that the black guy lives.
From there, it’s only a small step to “We’ll end all these gladiator-style games of honkeys hunting African Americans for sport”.
#1: Yeah, Schnookie, and I bet you were a forced member of her clean plate club, too. You only got pie if you cleaned your plate. My Granny used to bake pies to feed 300 church goers every Sunday during the depression. She’d have packed Obama’s sorry piehole and turned the bus over on him.
To my shame, Jimmy, I was forced day after day to eat my pie and country fried steak before I could eat my vegetables. The old hag would even hold out the okra and broccoli like a carrot on a stick to get me to choke down my ice cream.
I had to play outside for hours at a time before she would let me clean my room or do the dishes.
To this day I shudder and begin to twitch uncontrollably when her name is mentioned. But she’s family, so I would never speak ill of her.
I remember the first time I brought one of my black friends to my grandparents house. I happened to turn on MTV and Coolios Fantastic Voyage was playing.. Without missing a beat my grandma asks “Whats that ni**er doing on my tv?”. I looked at my friend and we just laughed. He wasnt offended by it, he understood thats just how my grandparents were raised. I can also remember my grandfather talking about porch monkeys, I always thought he was talking about a real monkey.. The odd part is I never considered them racist.. I never saw them be mean to any black or Latino people in the 22 years I knew them before they passed away.. They just never adapted to the PC talk that was taking over at the time. I have met several people I would consider racist. The majority of them are black.
Best summary of Obama’s speech that I’ve read anywhere 🙂
They need to hire you as Obamahammed’s speech writer, Frank – exactly the same content and in many fewer words!
Then again, that preening racist probably loves the sound of his voice so much that he demands long speeches. Plus, the longer the speech, the more likely some young women in the front row will faint so he can “attend to” them….
Whoa, Sean, #5 is awful. I can’t imagine the terror you must have been through.
My own sainted grandmother — a fine Christian woman — never forced me to watch TV with my friends, but instead always let me scrub the kitchen or shed floor, and even gave me a toothbrush to use for scrubbing. I miss her so, giving me tips and pointers about how to get the yellow out of the grout in the bathroom, and her helpfulness in letting me know when she could smell the ammonia in the next room.
My heart goes out to you for your awful pain.
Sneezey Grease: My other grandma-ma was a straight-laced Scot; her spine never touched the back of a chair. And she tortured me into sitting that way while insisting that I hold my fork in the proper manner instead of like some Welsh table ghoul. Fortunately, she had a wooden box full of beautiful marbles. So, I forgave her old-fashioned ways.
Aren’t grandmothers grand?
She let you sit up straight? Man, my sainted grandmother — a fine Christian woman — always made me slouch down in the chair and chew with my mouth open. Never let me sit up straight.
But she’s family, so I could no more disown her than I could the CIA-trained 9/11 “terrorists” who invented AIDS to keep me from sitting up straight and eating my vegetables.
Hate to be my normal nit-picky self, but what does “Take her a nursing home” mean? 🙂
It means that, like any good, racist, far-left liberal, Obamahammed will:
1) use governmental power to steal a nursing home from Whitey to give to his grandmother;
2) then, when he’s elected, he’ll just take it away from her since she’s also Whitey;
3) Profit!
Master Shake, 12:”Profit”
All that for nothing but a profit.
Shameful.
I’m hopin’ that great Celtic grandmamamama, seanmahair, will weigh-in on this subject. Come on, you know you want to.
#13:
Well, Rezko’s going to be in jail, so Obamahammed needs to get his money somewhere….
Excellent funny, Frank! Throw Grandma under the bus doesn’t seem to be working real well for The Magic Negro. He’s going to have to trot out a few more white relatives who are also racist honkeys to show us what a healer he really is…
I’m John McCain and have been traveling around the world meeting with world leaders reminding them that I was a POW during the Vietnam war. I just checked on this racist and hate filled conservative blog and I must repudiate and distance myself from the comments of the owner of this blog! He is a crazy conservative who is kind of like my nephew whom I cannot bring myself to disown but I will say his views certainly do not represent mine!
USSJC, if you ever read this, you should know that John McCain has apparently used his steamy rad tech skills to hax0r into your account here at IMAO.
Frank — will you release the private security logs so that we can take down this pirate John McCain before he turns America into a police state by breaking into other secure web sites?
Barack would never allow this.
I love you grammy. Now here comes that bus I’m going to help you get in front…I mean on to. 🙂
My granny used to call me a porch monkey. It’s cool, cause I’m taking it back.
I’m writing my own book:
It will be titled “Why an Ex-President (who shall remain unnamed[although his initials are Christ-like in nature = B.C, and who called himself America’s first black president), endorses a racist preacher, and denies his bi-racial herritage” (Long title I know, but it’s catchy enough once you’ve said it a few times)
(Somewhere around page 2 or 3)
….That’s because my adopted african american grandma nicknamed toots once told me how she was beaten to a pulp at a bus stop, robbed of $90, left for dead, and then confessed that she was afraid as soon as she saw the man approaching her with a baseball bat in his tattoed, gnarled, unclean hand, a crack pipe danglin from his cyst-covered lips, and a knife in his belt the size of a Samurai sword. When I asked what color the attacker was, toots replied that he was white, and that’s when my knees grew weak, the ground shook beneath me, and I hung on to my limo’s hood until I was able to regain consciousness, knowing, with great dread and confused certainty, that my tootie had just confessed to being a blatant racist. I, Bill. C. never felt so alone in all my life….
…I don’t regret refusing to give Toots a ride home that afternoon. After all, she brought the whole situation on herself by not believing in people, prejudging them, and fearing someone just because of their skin color. Had she just had faith in people of different color, none of this would have transpired. Perhaps, as time wears on, and her gaping wounds begin to heal, she will understand just how important it is to trust people instead of holding onto her irrational fear of people who look different. It sickens me to this day knowing that my Toots was nothing but a hater.
I’m afraid of Scary Evil Porch Monkey. When I complain about the loud rap music coming from his vehicle he throws poo at me.
AND did u here what he said about granny today?
He said her reaction to the boogeyman black fellows was a TYPICAL WHITE PERSONS RESPONSE TO BLACKS. Sound a little sterotypical to you?Remember WORDS DO MATTER MCCAIN 2008
My grandma was a carnie in Mississippi and had a booth, guessing how many times the blacks ,who came to the booth, had seen a black lynched or a slave beat on the street. She did real good with her guessing and was able to keep all her cupie dolls.Guess race relations have improved huh?