38 Comments

  1. “Hey, these are great! Just one more question – would you happen to have a wicker basket I could get my head stuck in?”

    OR

    “Uhhh…. uhhh…. Thanks for the- uh…. for the carna… uhhh. roses, darn. Uhhh…. Hey, whaddya mean, that’ll be $15.50?”

  2. “Look, these are for the runner-up. And they’re white, so obviously Hillary is nearby. Give them to her. Sure, they’re nice flowers, but this is about being fair. I have the nomination, and Hillary can have the white trash flowers. Give me the golden crown of leaves like the Romans had, or there might be, hell there WILL be, a Long HOT Summer.”

  3. “Handing me these roses is just a distraction. Let me further… uh… say, that. Uh. I, uh, did not know these roses had thorns. What thorns do is despic… uh, horrible. I didn’t even know that thorns hurt people! But I reject the idea that thorns and I are friends. Uh, the roses… I just found out… just now… that roses, uh, may, in fact harm people. I don’t even like roses, uh, I don’t like… thorns. John McCain is old.”

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