So good news if you need to buy some gas and stocks.

Bad News: Mutant catfish are developing a taste for human flesh. That’s about the last thing our economy needs.

Other than more Democrats being elected.

McCain had to snatch the mike away from a woman when she said, “I’m scared of Barack Obama… he’s an Arab terrorist…”

Come on, people. I’ve never heard one credible piece of evidence that Barack Obama is Arab.

When you get a freakin’ TIGER for your birthday.

What did Frank get for his last birthday? . . .

Continue reading ‘How do you know when you’re a Grade A badass?’ »

Per Herpules . . . .
Continue reading ‘A.C.O.R.N.? Never heard of it . . .’ »

With little time left, we need more Palin. Get her out front and center. Put her in ads.

Even better, buy a half-hour of time directly competing against Obama’s half-hour. And make it all Palin. It will whip him in the ratings. Just let her tell us her story.

“Back in Alaska, there were politicians too who tried to play with your tax money and ruin the economy. I shot them with my moose gun like they were common, filthy meese. Now, I will hunt down everyone responsible for our current financial crisis and shoot them with my moose gun too. That’s just common sense, doggonit.”

At the end of her statements, McCain can run an audio clip of him saying, “I’m John McCain, and I’m friends with Palin.” Then we’ll think, “Well, if he’s friends with her, then maybe he’s not as big a jerk as I remember.” That seizes up the base. Palin’s pluck and personality will help with independents. As for the hardcore Democrats, that’s what the moose gun is for.

There are many problems with journalism today. Journalists are biased and untrustworthy. They’re supposed to represent us, to find out the things we’d want to know if we ever took the time to shout questions at people, but they’re now too lazy to get all the facts and instead fill the story in with their own biases.

What’s changed? How did things go downhill?

I’ll tell you what happened: They stopped wearing journalist hats.

A hat a journalist wore back when journalism meant something.

Back in the day, journalists took their jobs seriously. They would put a hat on that said “Press”; that’s how serious they were. And they all knew that with great hats comes great responsibility. If they ever failed at their job and didn’t get the public useful information, their hats would be burned and they would be exiled to the frozen north.

This is not a responsibility shared by today’s hatless journalists. They show up in sweat pants and ask questions based on what they heard on the Daily Show. They send their crazy old aunts like Helen Thomas to the Washington Press Club as a cheaper alternative to putting her in a home. Once again this is because, much like rats and cockroaches, they wear no hats. They are subhuman. They are filth.

If I were president, I would refuse to talk to anyone who was hatless. Journalist who are hatless show no respect for the office, and I would run them through with a cutlass (as president, I would dress like a pirate). As bloggers, people who are supposed to police the mainstream press, we need to start demanding of journalists, “Where is your hat?” We should then burn their houses down until they properly identify themselves by wearing a hat. If all else fails, then we must wear the hats.

This country is too great to tolerate the hatless.

1 VOTER, 72 REGISTRATIONS

‘ACORN PAID ME IN CASH & CIGS’

 

CLEVELAND – A man at the center of a voter-registration scandal told The Post yesterday he was given cash and cigarettes by aggressive ACORN activists in exchange for registering an astonishing 72 times, in apparent violation of Ohio laws.

“Sometimes, they come up and bribe me with a cigarette, or they’ll give me a dollar to sign up,” said Freddie Johnson, 19, who filled out 72 separate voter-registration cards over an 18-month period at the behest of the left-leaning Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now.

“The ACORN people are everywhere, looking to sign people up. I tell them I am already registered. The girl said, ‘You are?’ I say, ‘Yup,’ and then they say, ‘Can you just sign up again?’ ” he said.

Johnson used the same information on all of his registration cards, and officials say they usually catch and toss out duplicate registrations. But the practice sparks fear that some multiple registrants could provide different information and vote more than once by absentee ballot.

ACORN is under investigation in Ohio and at least eight other states – including Missouri, where the FBI said it’s planning to look into potential voter fraud – for over-the-top efforts to get as many names as possible on the voter rolls regardless of whether a person is registered or eligible.

Continue reading ‘IMAO Citizen of the Day: “Yeah, I’ve registered enough – I might as well vote.”’ »

I did it. Today I successfully put on my pants both legs at the same time. I am nothing like you. I am better than you.

That One is buying half an hour of prime time TV on CBS a week before the election (8pm Eastern, Oct. 29).

Which is all fine & dandy, since it’s a free country until and unless America’s favorite New Party candidate takes the oath of office with his fingers carefully crossed. I say he can spend his sleazy foreign campaign contributions any way he wants.

But as any TV exec will tell you, you can’t have a successful show unless it’s got a catchy title. In exchange for undisclosed compensation from the Obama campaign, I toss out the following suggestions:

Barack Obama: The New Urkel?

* Ayers & Friends

* I HOPE You Don’t CHANGE the Channel

* You Might Be A Racist!

* How I Met Your Baby Mama

* House In Forclosure

* American Idolatry

* Everyone Loves Barry

* Extreme Makeover: White House Edition

* Desperate Democrats

* Survivor: D.C.

* ER… UM… UH…

* Deal or No Deal Without Preconditions

* Not Smarter Than a 5th Grader

* America’s Least Wanted

* Monday Night Goofball

* Obama Who?

* Dancing With the Liars

Sadly, “The Biggest Loser” was already taken, too.

We’re members of the community.

Didn’t we come off sounding like reasonable, non-partisan people? I was totally thinking, “Well, some of these retards only watch CNN and MSNBC and get half the story. I watch Fox News, listen to talk radio, and read a ton of blogs, so I am enlightened.”

BTW, I’m still working on the post about that debate, but if you know me, you know I like to tell the whole story, so I’m not quite finished.