Senator Government

Go ahead and go to sleep, we know it’s gonna get boring up in here. Let’s just hope Schiefer isn’t as ridiculous and stupid as he was four years ago when he moderated.

McCain makes sure to point out that Americans are innocent in this economic crisis. Innocent victims. Some, yes. Some, not so much. And I really bristle at being called a victim. McCain also wants to buy mortgages and negotiate with the “victims” who took those mortgages to make them affordable. Um, I’m against that. If you signed the contract and you can’t afford to pay it, you’re out. Foreclosed. Sorry, I don’t hate you or anything, but when our house didn’t sell for the full amount of the mortgage, we took out another loan for $19,000 and sent that money to the mortgage company. Yes, we’re still paying our own debt, so you don’t have to. Everyone else should do the same. It’s called personal responsibility.

AWESOME! MCCAIN IS BRINGING UP JOE THE PLUMBER! Let me just say, Joe the Plumber, I love you and want to kiss your feet or bake you a pie for that redistribution of wealth soundbite. Mwah.

Hey, Senator Obama, guess what?! The reason those payroll taxes won’t go up a bit is because under your plan, no one will have a freaking job! It’s simple math. Guess what else?! I’m not sure tax breaks for the oil companies are a bad thing. You increase their taxes, you increase our gas prices. Again you’re having trouble with the simple math. Great job on this guy, Harvard!

Good question from Schiefer on what cutbacks to make so their budgets don’t add trillions. Let’s see if Barack will answer the question this time. Of course, he’s speaking in generalities. “Programs that work, we keep. Programs that don’t work, blah blah blah.”

McCain: “Spending freeze across the board. Yeah, it’s a hatchet, and *then* I’ll get out the scalpel.”

LOLOLOLOLOLOL. It’s easy to please me tonight if you just go off script, or at least say a well-scripted zinger and make sure you pull it off. McCain: “Senator Obama, I am not George Bush. If you wanted to run against George Bush, you should have run for president four years ago.” ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!

“You have to tell me one time when you have stood up against your leaders on any issue.” Well, he did vote for murdering babies when he was in state senate in Illinois, and even most of the democrats are against that one.

Every time McCain brings up global warming and how he’s all for wasting money on that crock of crap, I feel like he’s kicking me in the nuts, and I don’t even have nuts.

McCain is kicking Obama’s hind parts on the whole campaign rhetoric thing. Obama: “100% of your ads have been negative.” How is a campaign ad negative if all it does is tell the truth? Just wondering. “Please stop talking about all the evil people I’ve built my career around and talk about the issues.”

McCain: “I watched the Arizona Cardinals defeat the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday.” That’s it. I’m voting for Obama. Obama: “Congratulations.” That’s it. I’m voting for NO ONE. RON PAUL! I will, of course, need his views on the Dallas Cowboys before I can donate to his campaign, though. And with Romo out, this election is up for grabs. Although… now he can go vote in Nevada like ACORN wants him to!

Yes! “There have been some things at your rallies, too, Senator Obama, in fact, some t-shirts that people are wearing…” (profanity and disgusting displays of inhumanity in link)

Oh heck yeah. “Your campaign gave $832,000 to ACORN.” Ooh, Ayers, too, but I’m sure Obama has his prescripted answer ready. McCain hits back with facts, Obama snows with bullcrap.

Obama: “Yeah, Sarah Palin is good on the special needs kids, but autism needs funding, and your across-the-board spending freeze will mean that baby Trig will get left behind.” That’s not what he said, but you know where he was going.

Blah blah blah, nothing exciting here. McCain slams Obama on “unilaterally” renegotiating with Canada on free trade. “Canada said, ‘We’ll sell our oil to China, then.'” McCain is doing well here.

Did Obama just say he wants to enforce unfair trade agreements? Anyway, he says we need to prop up the automakers but make sure to hamstring those evil oil companies.

“Obama doesn’t want free trade with our greatest ally in [South America — Colombia], but he wants to sit down with Hugo Chavez, who is funding FARK, without precondition.” What? Are you saying Obama is a contridiction unto himself? NO. I will never believe that. HOPECHANGE!

Great comment from erod: “if insurance companies can’t discriminate on the basis of preexisting conditions, why would anyone get insurance before they got sick?”

I think it’s funny that McCain is now calling Joe the Plumber “my buddy Joe the Plumber.” It’s cute.

Obama: “Uh, I can talk to Joe too. Where’s my bracelet? Uh. Uh. Uh. Tax increases for everyone except my friend… uh… Jim… John… whatever.”

Wait, what? Did McCain say that insurance plans that include transplants are gold-plated Cadillacs? I get the cosmetic surgery thing, and I get it if he means hair transplants (sorry, Biden), but organ transplants? Those people are the sickest people and need insurance more than anyone.

LOL, McCain accidentally called Obama “Senator Government.” I’m now voting for McCain! Sorry, Ron Paul.

Great answer from McCain on the Supreme Court appointees. Basically he says it’s not about a judge’s view on Roe v. Wade. It’s about a judge’s qualifications. I was afraid he wasn’t going to mention that they need strict constructionism as a qualification, but he finally did. And he said that judges who legislate from the bench are bad.

Obama: “Abortion is a difficult issue. And it is a moral issue.” And what about murdering babies that have already been born, or ones that are on their way out of the vagina? McCain brought this up, and when he did, he should have mentioned that partial birth abortion means that the baby’s brain is sucked out while it is being born. A live human being, brains sucked out.

Education. I’m so glad Frank and I agree on homeschooling. Obama says he doubled the number of charter schools in Illinois. Did he do that while he was on that education thingy with his terrorist friend Bill Ayers?

McCain: “And I’m frankly surprised you didn’t pay attention to that.” “Spending more money isn’t always the answer.” That’s right. Why do I want to pay some teacher who is required to “teach to the test,” indoctrinate the kids, and dumb down the education so the smartest kids are forced to stoop to the level of the dumbest kids? Especially when I’m an accountant, my husband is an engineer, and together we are freaking insanely smart. Oh, and we can indoctrinate our kids to our own beliefs rather than radical left beliefs pushed by the NEA. Kthx.

The twelve-year-old boy in me is giggling, because McCain said “new direction.” Say it out loud, you’ll giggle too.

Closing statements: Senator McCain loves you, America. Senator Obama wants to beat Bush in November.

I’d say Schieffer did a better job than any of the other moderators this year. And yeah, I realize I spelled it differently each time, but one of them has to be right, so I’m fine with that.

No mention of Wright or Rezko from McCain. Shame on him.

McCain’s last chance to redeem himself. If he goes down this election, he better at least go down swinging. Country First sometimes means getting dirty.

Still, I’m preparing my “Democrats Control the Executive and Legislative Branches” survival kit. It has a flashlight that doesn’t need batteries!

Anyway, what do you most want McCain to say to Obama at tonight’s debate?

UPDATE:

Final Verdict: Eh.

America is the most awesome country there ever was! And I get to live in it! And I have a big bag of candy!

Why does Obama want to redistribute wealth?

Well, who does he want to take money from? Successful people with actual accomplishments, i.e., people Obama can’t relate to at all. Who does Obama want to give that money to? Rapists, murderers, and pedophiles who all tend to have lower income. I.e., he wants to give your money to degenerates, the scum of the earth, the worst people humanity has to offer, a.k.a. Obama’s close friends and associates. And what are they going to spend that money on? Drugs. Now the next murdering rapist pedophile you run into is going to be high on drugs thanks to your money, and if you shoot him with your gun you’ll get in big trouble for killing one of Obama’s best friends. He’ll put you in prison, redistribute what’s left of your wealth to more criminals, and use your family as forced labor in one of his meth labs.

If you don’t believe me, just read his tax plan.

If I can be serious about humor for a moment I have some advice for the McCain campaign and for Palin. I doubt they read this blog, but there happened to be an area where I can give some actual advice so I thought I’d try.

The Saturday Night Live sketch has been pretty damaging for Palin. While her interviews with Gibson and Couric weren’t particularly helpful by themselves, the popularity of the SNL sketches helped cement what people thought about them. The power of humor is that if someone laughs at a joke, then they are accepting the premise of it — if even just at a subconscious level. Once a joke become accepted by the popular culture, it’s very hard to overcome (just ask Dan Quayle). Since SNL is willing to have Palin on their show, that gives her an unprecedented chance to fight the already solidifying perception of her. If she just goes on the show and does some little cameo, that will be a little help as then the audience is laughing with her, but Palin could benefit a lot if the humor were a bit more targeted.

What the the SNL sketches have done is deconstructed Palin — emphasizing her weaknesses while belittling her strengths. It’s effective humor, but it’s also a cheap trick. So deconstruct the deconstruction. Palin should do a sketch of Tina Fey and the writers trying to figure how to best mock Palin, including Tina Fey (well, Palin as Tina Fey) trying to get Palin’s mannerisms down and make them funnier. Have them analyze a video of Palin (it would be great if it were Tina Fey playing Palin completely straight — maybe reading from an actual stump speech). They could take boilerplate campaign statements and figure out how to misconstrue it as Palin being stupid or a crazy right-winger. They could spend time figuring out how to clumsily insert something about dinosaurs in the sketch because they heard on the internet that Palin believe they’re 4000 years old. They could take a basic statement about belief in God and expand it out to her being a religious extremist. Also, it would be great to have Palin as Tina Fey exclaiming, “This woman is crazy and dangerous and we have to stop her!” in response to the most vanilla conservative talking points.

Basically, the idea is to ridicule those who automatically hated Palin and kept searching for solid reasons to hate her while also deflating the previous sketches done about Palin. It wouldn’t be easy, as Palin would have to have some actual comedic acting skills. Plus, the sketch needs to be funny (and thus not too focused on making a point). But if it’s successful in making fun of making fun of Palin, it will deflate the jokes already out there about her. I don’t know many instances of politicians successfully doing that, but it’s certainly worth a try.

Grr! I hate the Democrats! They make me so mad! I want to smash them with a hammer!