I used to really hate Al Qaeda, then I cowered in fear of them and tried to appease them, but now they’ve gone too far and the hate is back again. I’m so full of boiling rage that my skin is starting to turn green and I swear I just heard my shirt rip.
Right after 9/11, I was pissed that lunatic Allah worshippers killed Americans on our own soil. But after these Jokers-without-makeup started killing people for drawing cartoons – CARTOONS! – I figured maybe I should just roll over like a whipped dog before those bat@#$% crazies started looking my way.
So I stopped shaving, changed my name to Al-Harvey, started wearing funny hats, threw a flour sack over my wife, and did my Pilates 5 times a day on a fancy imported rug. I even replaced that Bible under the short leg of the couch with a Koran. Figured I was good to go.
Just to be EXTRA safe, though, I voted for Obama, because all my new Muslim overlords – from Islamic State of Iraq leader Abu Omar al-Baghdadi to Hamas to Ahmadinejad – told me that’s who they wanted as President.
Well, now that I’ve sold out my party, my nation and my soul, it turns out that they’re STILL not happy! Ayman Al-Zawahri (leader of Al-Qaeda ever since Osama got turned into a Tora Bora bloodstain back in 2002) says Barack is just a “house Negro” with a “heart full of hate” and that terrorists now “must continue to harm [America], in order for it to come to its senses”.
I don’t get it. You terrorized me in good faith, and I capitualted faster than Micheal Moore’s diet on National Free Donut Day. I thought we had a deal.
Apparently they have altered the deal. I pray they do not alter it further.
But if they do, well, I have enough guns & ammo to start my own religion in Texas.
And I have a couple dogs.
Bring it on.
—
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Don’t Be A Pussy: Thompson/Norris 2012” and “Bowing Towards Mecca So I Can Moon It From The Other Direction” (with Enani Si Malsi).
“Don’t Be A Pussy: Thompson/Norris 2012″
Where can I get a copy of that?
I can understand Al Qaeda boiling over with hatred of us for shaving, allowing our women to go around bareheaded, and the whole bacon thing. It’s obvious that they had no choice but to blow up the Marines in Beirut, attack the USS Cole, and redirect those airplanes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon. What else could they do? They’re only human. They have feelings that get hurt, and you can’t expect them to just stuff that down.
But now, this is beyond the pale. Harshing our mellow after we went and elected The One.
Using a politically incorrect term! The horror.
Gotta love the dems. Kill thousands of innocent Americans and your phony, hateful religion is elevated within our society to a place of supreme adulation, and touted as an icon of peace and love.
Make a politically correct statement about a black guy, and you’ve crossed some type of line.
Is there any point where the liberal mindet and reality actually come close to meeting?
My favorite part is whatever you call that footer after the article.
Yeah, there’s no telling how riled up supporters of our supernatural president will get at this indignancy! Those Al Qaeda types had better watch it, I say. When the masses of our laid-back, zero-tax bracket, mostly unemployed, public school-educated populace gets angry, look out, buster!! They’ll be marching down main street with signs and clenched fists under police protection while conservatives watch from their windows with loaded guns, the TV on and the popcorn popping. Al Qaeda doesn’t stand a chance.
Really? Islamists and Arabs (I repeat myself) are Xenophobic, Extremist, Murdering Racists? I mean I had my suspicions when all the Arab muslims started killing the SHIT out of black muslims, but this really cinches it. I mean, a few bombs, beheadings, rapes, unprovoked rocket attacks on civilian areas in Israel and murders can be overlooked as the fault of the West and White People. However, no one can be forgiven for using House Negro! Well, unless they are referring to a Conservative, then it’s totally not racist at all.
Um, the references to the Arabs muslims killing the Black muslims was a Darfur reference. I even proofread and missed it. Damn the man! I blame Obama.
Do jihadis still get 72 virgins if they’re killed in battle by an unclean creature – like a dog w/ a minigun?
I think anyone whose walked a dog knows they can pee five times their body weight every six hours. I’m betting that mini-gun is actually a supersoaker. With unlimited ammo.
If you do come to Texas bring the dogs and the guns. We’ll set a place for you at the dinner table.
Frank J., i can’t believe you would let a forigner have a mini gun. We all know the germans are unstable. May as well have given it to a monkey.
I knew someday you would found religion!
Hmmm……”House Negro”? Let’s not be too hasty. “Windbreaker Boy” and the Cave Dwellers may be on to something here. Thinking back to the long campaign season, and considering what we are seeing in terms of change, I think we can safely conclude we have been “shined on” by a master.
Just watch a video of any large group of AQ dancing around and firing their AK’s into the air; if you squint hard it looks just like a Klan rally.
Michael Moore’s diet on National Free Donut Day…
That spit-take almost took out the keyboard.
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Those two dogs have since died. 11/9//20.