Looking decently cool. They just better not screw up Rorschach. Now there’s a model for the Republican Underground.

Oh, and is it just me or does their Ozymandias look like a pushover.

You know how James Bond has weapons disguised as common objects, like bazooka pens, so he can sneak his weapons past the enemy? Well, what if Obama is a big peacenik president who is like, “I don’t like weapons. Weapons are bad. No more weapons.” Then the military may need to hide weapons in common objects to sneak them past him.

MILITARY COMMANDER: These aren’t bazookas. They’re pens. We’re just making the military lots of pens.

OBAMA: I dunno. Something seems fishy here. What does the military needs with pens? I thought everyone in it was illiterate and that’s why they got stuck in Iraq.

MILITARY COMMANDER: No, that’s… Hey, look what I found! It’s a bucket that looks approximately the size of your head.

OBAMA: Interesting. Being a very smart person, I do have an intellectual curiosity about such things. Now, if I look at the radius for this bucket and remember the equation for the volume of a cylinder, then… Ahh! I got the bucket stuck on my head!

MILITARY COMMANDER: Quick! Arm up the military before he gets it off!

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I envisioned warfare would be like in the 21st century.

Obama has probably realized that he hangs out with a lot of freaks. He’s got the crazy racist preachers, domestic terrorists, and Kos Kids, and he has to be more careful with the people he has around him at the White House. That’s why he has a very intrusive questionnaire to sort through the freaks that will be working at the White House. It asks all sorts of questions of personal associations that could be embarrassing to a President Obama. Given Obama’s past associations, I’m not sure if he’s trying to keep out the freaks or only let in the freaks so he feels he is in familiar surroundings.

The most curious question he asks is whether the applicant or any of his immediate family owns a gun. My guess is that the Obama administration will be such a bunch of preening sissies that the mere thought of working with anyone who owns a gun or is related to someone who owns a gun will cause them to wet their pants. Is that a standard security clearance question, because I would hope those employed by our intelligence agencies are not a bunch of gunless sissies?

I hope a reporter asks Obama whether it’s his intention to discriminate against those who exercise their constitutional right, but when was the last time we could count on reporters for anything useful?

A couple of weeks ago, I bought a hardcover of William F. Buckley, Jr.’s Happy Days Were Here Again: Reflections of a Libertarian Journalist from NRO. As soon as I received it, I started reading it. Remarkably, I have been reading non-fiction for fifteen straight nights, without getting bored, crying, falling asleep mid-sentence, or eating my own hand just to amuse myself. In fact, I’ve intended to switch back and forth between this book and Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism, but it’s been so good that I find myself wanting to know what he says next. I’ll get to Jonah’s book soon.

Since I began reading this, every night I have read something aloud to Frank, who insists I must tell y’all these things. Nearly every one of the essays in the first part of the book has a line or paragraph in which Buckley correctly predicts the future. I’m going to start chronicling them here, to give us all a good laugh or a feeling of complete wigginess.

(From “The So-Whatness of Nuclear Winter” — April 1985):

The logic of Carl Sagan’s position is that we should engage in unilateral nuclear disarmament… that nuclear winter is more to be feared than Soviet hegemony, and therefore we must give up our arsenal. Richard Perle–and Ronald Reagan–tell us we can do better. We can avoid both Soviet hegemony and nuclear winter, as we have done for forty years now.

Dude. That totally held up. May not hold up for much longer where Russia is concerned, but the Soviet Union is not yet rebuilt, and I don’t think it will be the Soviets that will bring on our first nuclear winter. I’ll give you a bonus one today, since this is the premiere of The Buckley Prophecies.

(From “Jesse on My Mind” — May 1985) He is speaking of Jesse Jackson here, but substitute Jeremiah Wright in your head:

On reflection, the clearest sign of the enduring discrimination of white people in America against black people in America is our toleration of Jesse Jackson. If he were a blue-blooded WASP, he would be treated with… the special contempt by which democracies effectively stigmatize those who dwell in cuckooland…

Oh, but Jesse Jackson is a black leader… he is one hell of an orator, which was true of Gerald L.K. Smith, who was probably an even finer orator, and was a racist mess. Jesse Jackson so intimidated the San Francisco Democrats that they couldn’t even muster the resolution to vote a denunciation of anti-Semitism, for fear of offending Jackson, the anti-Zionist assembly and, one supposes, Jesse’s noisy fan Louis Farrakhan…

You are getting the point. They don’t protest because he’s merely a black preacher saying dumb things…

But as long as he moves about with the immunity that now protects him from the kind of ostracism he has so diligently earned, then one can say with meaning: There is true condescension in America for the black, and that condescension is strongest among the elite.

Yeah, I have to agree with that.

I know rocket launchers on dinosaurs is an awesome idea, but I wonder how far we are from being able to implement it. We know how to put rocket launchers on stuff, but I don’t think we know yet how to make dinosaurs. While we wait until we figure that out, here’s an interim solution: Let’s put rocket launchers on the closest thing we have to dinosaurs — elephants.

The advantages of this are two-fold. One: We’ll have elephants with rocket launchers. Two: Since the elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party, that’s who everyone will think of when they see video of elephants storming through enemy compounds launching rockets. They’ll also think of how stupid it would be to put rocket launchers on the symbol of the Democratic Party, the ass. Who ever heard of an ass launching rockets? That’s stupid, just like the Democrats.

Anyway, I think this is a great idea and part of showing everyone that Republicans are full of awesomeness and kick-assery while the Democrats are nothing but big whiny homo babies. That’s win strategy right there.