Archive of entries posted on 21st November 2008

Later, Losers!

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Wife and I are headed for Texas tomorrow and I won’t be back to regular blogging until the beginning of December. So the blog is now in the hands of… whomever happens to have a login – I’ve kinda lost track. Like that Cadet Happy guy will probably blog under my name and make fun of me. I hate him.

Anyway, I’m in need of a break, and if I do any writing during my vacation it will probably be on Hellbender as I really want to get that done. But when I return I’ll get right back to helping everyone get prepared for the incoming Clinton administration.

If I don’t see you again, Happy Thanksgiving!

I Wonder How These People Did on Standardized Tests?

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Want to have some wacky ballot fun? Who doesn’t! Go here and you can see some of the ballots being challenged in Minnesota and vote on what you think the outcome should be. My favorite is number six from day one. It’s pretty obvious who the guy was trying to vote for, but it’s also pretty obvious he should be sterilized.

If I had my way, any abnormal ballot would just be tossed. You’d think a lot of these people are really stupid, but even someone with a sixty IQ should be able to properly fill out one of these ballots if he really cared enough to make sure he did it right. They have people to ask questions to and you can get a second ballot if you mess up; if you disenfranchise yourself by going at the ballot like a crazed monkey, that’s your own fault. Democracy isn’t helped by knowing the opinion of people who can’t handle a simple form.

Anyway, another thing I noticed is the names of the parties under the candidates names. They’re all pretty normal — Independence, Republican, Libertarian, Constitution — except for Al Franken’s which says “Democratic-Farmer-Laborer”.

What kind of Commie crap is that?

“I am not politician. I am farmer/laborer. I am man of people!”

Al Franken is not a farmer or a laborer. Also, considering his actions during the recount, it’s disputable whether he’s Democratic… thought if they changed the ballot to say Democratic-Unhinged-Nutbag, I’d be fine with that.

What Do I Have to Do to Appease You?
An Editorial by Harvey

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I used to really hate Al Qaeda, then I cowered in fear of them and tried to appease them, but now they’ve gone too far and the hate is back again. I’m so full of boiling rage that my skin is starting to turn green and I swear I just heard my shirt rip.

Right after 9/11, I was pissed that lunatic Allah worshippers killed Americans on our own soil. But after these Jokers-without-makeup started killing people for drawing cartoons – CARTOONS! – I figured maybe I should just roll over like a whipped dog before those bat@#$% crazies started looking my way.

So I stopped shaving, changed my name to Al-Harvey, started wearing funny hats, threw a flour sack over my wife, and did my Pilates 5 times a day on a fancy imported rug. I even replaced that Bible under the short leg of the couch with a Koran. Figured I was good to go.

Just to be EXTRA safe, though, I voted for Obama, because all my new Muslim overlords – from Islamic State of Iraq leader Abu Omar al-Baghdadi to Hamas to Ahmadinejad – told me that’s who they wanted as President.

Well, now that I’ve sold out my party, my nation and my soul, it turns out that they’re STILL not happy! Ayman Al-Zawahri (leader of Al-Qaeda ever since Osama got turned into a Tora Bora bloodstain back in 2002) says Barack is just a “house Negro” with a “heart full of hate” and that terrorists now “must continue to harm [America], in order for it to come to its senses”.

I don’t get it. You terrorized me in good faith, and I capitualted faster than Micheal Moore’s diet on National Free Donut Day. I thought we had a deal.

Apparently they have altered the deal. I pray they do not alter it further.

But if they do, well, I have enough guns & ammo to start my own religion in Texas.

And I have a couple dogs.

Bring it on.

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Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Don’t Be A Pussy: Thompson/Norris 2012” and “Bowing Towards Mecca So I Can Moon It From The Other Direction” (with Enani Si Malsi).