The New Symbol of the GOP

I know rocket launchers on dinosaurs is an awesome idea, but I wonder how far we are from being able to implement it. We know how to put rocket launchers on stuff, but I don’t think we know yet how to make dinosaurs. While we wait until we figure that out, here’s an interim solution: Let’s put rocket launchers on the closest thing we have to dinosaurs — elephants.

The advantages of this are two-fold. One: We’ll have elephants with rocket launchers. Two: Since the elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party, that’s who everyone will think of when they see video of elephants storming through enemy compounds launching rockets. They’ll also think of how stupid it would be to put rocket launchers on the symbol of the Democratic Party, the ass. Who ever heard of an ass launching rockets? That’s stupid, just like the Democrats.

Anyway, I think this is a great idea and part of showing everyone that Republicans are full of awesomeness and kick-assery while the Democrats are nothing but big whiny homo babies. That’s win strategy right there.

32 Comments

  1. Check this headline from the New York Times (not a fan, just googled for the story, I knew it was out there. As an apache pilot we trained to spot them):

    “A REGION INFLAMED: BAGHDAD; Insurgents Use Rockets on Donkey Carts to Hit Sites in Iraqi Capital”

  2. Well, IMAO, I don’t think the old Pachyderm should be revived. It’s beyond repair.

    Now we’re gonna have a “me-too” black RNC chair. Doesn’t matter how wonderful he is, he will be an opportunity for the Dems to denigrate the GOP as behind the curve.

    Let it die peacefully.

  3. This idea has the advantage of being historically sound. Elephants are notoriously effective war animals. However, to compete in today’s modern battlefields, we’ll probably have to slap some armour on these elephants as well. That way they’d be like walking tanks with rocket launchers.

    How different history might have been if Hannibal had had access to this kind of elephant technology…

  4. I’ve launched a$$-rockets for years. They’re not very effective in dislodging Korans that might be in the pipe, but hey, the pipe was only meant for Shiites.

    That was way too easy. I feel ashamed and proud at the same time. I’m “shroud” of myself.

  5. Ironically, I saw something on The Military Channel (I think) last week. War elephants dominated the battlefields of India for hundreds of years, until the enemy started using rockets. This spooked the elephants into trampling their own troops.

    I’m sure there’s a metaphor for RINO leadership versus real conservative foot soldiers in this election in there somewhere. We’ve certainly seen it in the rumor mill attempts to destroy Sarah Palin.

    I’m sick to death of Rockefeller Republicans personally. I realize it was their party before the 60’s drove normal sane compassionate people out of the Democratic party and lead to the Christian Conservative group being dominant, but when the very forces that made the republican party the majority for 20-30 years – leftist radicals – take over the government, why attack the very constituency that made you a majority in the first place? The Reagan Revolution was ushered in by conservative sanity amidst leftist “hold my beer, I’m gonna try sumpin’!” economics under Carter, which will simply compound error upon error until the conclusion that the “cure” is worse than the “disease” will be inescapable to 80 percent of the population by 2012. And then hopefully Sarah Palin can be our new Reagan.

    Which brings me back to the whole symbol thing. Forget the elephant – we need Kodiak bears with rocket launchers! Very independent, very strong, very maternal, and very much wanting to either be left alone or kick loudmouth hippie poop-chute back to Russia where it belongs.

  6. Alligators are the closet thing related to dinosaurs that I know of. So I propose alligators with rocket launchers. The rocket launcher isn’t even needed, as who in there right mind will mess with an angry alligator. Alligators are larger and more dangerous then crocodiles so we’ll leave those to the Austrailian conservitives.

  7. Elephants are the minions of Satan. Elephants make monkeys look like choirboys, Frank. A better symbol for the New Republican Party and the Republican Underground is a Grizzly Bear carrying shoulder mounted flame throwers and a chain saw.

  8. Well, if the other side is using asses as weapon’s platforms, then our side really needs to counter this by putting rockets on elephants. May I also suggest that while we are so arming are brave elephants, we also give them something for close in work, like a 7.76 mini-gun. For even closer in stuff, we should train them to shoot a pistol with their nose. I don’t know how practical that last one is, but it would be hilarious.

  9. If we’re putting rocket launchers on something, then why does it have to be real?

    Where’s the leftover dinosaurs from those Jurassic Park movies? Hey, didn’t Spielberg make Jurassic Park? What better irony?!

    As long as somebody’s got the remote controls, and it ain’t Colin Powell, then we’re good.

  10. The elephants should also be armed with very good knives for “close in work” and they should also have advanced ninja training to learn cool spin kicks and how to disappear and break boards with their trunks etc…

  11. #12 Eric – I like your idea, but the largest crocs (8.6 metres (28 ft) and 1,352 kilograms (2,980 lb)) are way bigger than the largest alligators (14.5 feet (4.39 m) long and weigh 1000 lbs (454.5 kg)).

    Unfortunately, we are on their menu, so I am voting for the elephant.

  12. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » Even Newer Symbol for the GOP

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