I’m thinking IMAO should be more elitist. Still conservative, but just more elitist. Basically, the really popular opinions of much of the base I’ll make fun of as being ignorant. Like Palin. Do we really need the representative of the Republican Party to sound like a hillbilly moron? And illegal immigration. I know they look different from you, but stop freaking out about Mexicans taking your jobs. And government spending. Sometimes the government has to extreme measures such as the stimulus, so don’t just mindlessly shake your corn cob pipe at it because Limbaugh said it was bad. And social issues. I know you think you need to press these issues because your invisible sky fairy said their important, but you’re scaring away voters.
Okay, that was pretty elitist, but how am I still conservative? This is more confusing that I thought.
Nice try, but not once did you mention the “elegance” of Barack Hussein. How can you be a true elitist and make an entire statement without referring to The One…using terms like “elegant” and “presidential” of course.
I suppose you could have mentioned his “life narrative” and been fine. Born to a Kenyan womanizer and a communist mother, his life was destined for failure, but he found himself surrounded by folks that would “lift him up” and push him to the pinnacle of his political career in order to take advantage of his naiveté. It’s the all-American success story!
You keep this up and I’m going to tell the cops that you weren’t at my house on Saturday night and that you were probably murdering someone.
Don’t forget to thrown in something about those dreadful neocon Israel supporters (wink, wink).
Agreed, SoB, Frank made a nice little effort, and perhaps, in time, he could transcend his Midwestern, plebian roots.
Frank, you need to focus on the really important issues, such as whether Nietzsche or Proust had a more lasting impact on 20th century European journalism. And throw in a nautical metaphor here and there.
Well, if it’s true that we all get promoted in life to our highest level of incompetence, then consider how well most people are doing at screwing everything up!! (Except me, of course.)
How’s that for elitist?
Frank, Frank, Frank, your problem here is that you are over thinking this too much. It doesn’t have to make sense. Just remember these simple things. All you need to do is call yourself a conservative. No one what but an evil conservative would ever let that word cross his lips except as the punch line of a joke.
Now if you can believe that you may also want to try out believing the following things so you can be a Progressive Conservative and media darling.
Ridicule of Sarah Palin cause she talks funny = tolerance.
Ridicule of Barak Obama cause he talks funny without his tele-buddy = racist
Expecting Mexicans to accept chump change for the privilege of changing your babies = anti racist.
Expecting the Mexican government to get its act together so people aren’t desperately sneaking out to change babies in other countries for chump change = racist
Americans can’t make their house payments so we need to tax the hell out of them to bail them out = Stimulus
Stimulus = Financial Prosperity
Read the bill before we pass it!? We don’t have time to read no stinking bills. = responsible government
I’m not going to give half a crap about Palin until she works her arms into a Michelle-like state of androgynous muscularity.
Well….I took your advice and decided to become an elitist. I’ve only been one for about the last fifteen minutes but I’ve gotta admit being smarter and better and more knowledgeable and coolerthan everyone else does beat being a member of the common herd.
I thought an Elitist was a fan of Eli Whitney. I’m confused.
Frank, becoming an elitist is easy. Cut out half your brain, abort a baby, and ride a bicycle. Tada! score! now eat some tofu and get a homosexual lover and presto!
Now if you want to be a commie like the idiot in the White House, you have to sit on your roof with your starbucks and admire your clown car, while bashing the U.S. and praising gagme godawfullo.
innominatus,
Aahh, the “Michelle’s muscular arms” directive. The whole “toned arms” media hype is simply designed to make you ignore her huge butt…please don’t look at how incredibly out of shape this woman really is, only look at the tone fit arms while somehow comparing this huge woman to the petite Jackie Kennedy.
To be an elitist you must be rich, a sissy and a large contributor to NPR and PBS! Viola! You are in the club! It also helps to drive a Prius but a Saab or Volvo will do in a pinch. Also, you need to join a club. Not any old club, but one that will get you seen by the “beautiful people” in your town! Now you need to dress the part! I can’t offer a lot of wisdom here because I just don’t know where to go to dress like a dick but J. Crew seems like a good place to start! Finally, when you are in a group of people, talk about yourself non-stop! Don’t ever listen to anyone else. It’s always about you, you, you! That is the most important rule!
I learned from Mel Brooks that being an elitist means knowing how to properly use the phrase, “Oh, pissboy, wait for the shake.”
I tried all that, but I keep getting stuck on this crazy notion that social issues are none of the government’s damn business one way or ‘tother as long as no-one gets hurt.
Something about “render unto Caesar”, “living by the sword and dying by the sword”, and all that. See also government “usurpation of the place of the priests” in some book called Chronicles, and a really devastating bit in chapter 8 of the first book by some guy named Samuel. For later references, see some other guy named Jefferson and “it neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg”.
Yea government – the ultimate in moral authority!
Dude, you better check on what you are cutting your vodka with. I think someone substituted your orange juice with orange drink.
Trouble, you are right when you say that social issues are none of the government’s business. Unfortunately, that ship has sailed. The fight now is over which social issues the government is going to meddle in, and which it’s going to leave alone.
But just in case you’re a lefty troll, eat my shorts.
SOB,
It’s not the arms that tend to draw attention, it’s that HUGE Adam’s Apple.
Everyone should be an elitist.
Everything I learned about elitists was from Judge Smails and Dean Wormer, and John Kerry.
You need lots of money made from slip and fall lawsuits or bootlegging to be an elitist. A useless liberal arts degree from an ivy league college helps, too.
You’re not going all Charles Johnson on us now, are you?
Okay, that was pretty elitist, but how am I still conservative?
Because the NYT says you are and offered you a column three hours ago in their Tuesday edition, that’s why.
I concur. I’m going to harken back to the original conservative elitist model. I’m going to open a FABULOUS red zin tonight…eat GORGEOUSLY arranged sticks & twigs for dinner…and then pour myself 3 fingers of a BEEFY single malt and count my money while pondering the swinish ways of the rabble.
Frankls needs to impose a STIFF cover charge to keep the pesky conservatives out, and give us more time to collaborate with our fellow elitists across the aisle…
“Lovey! My slippers!”
Socrates:
Nope, no troll, just a believer in government restraint and a guy who, from childhood on, has detested nannies and busybodies. As for which issues government should meddle in, my only answer is… as few as possible.