During a shooting spree is when you have to be most vigilant for anti-Muslim bias.
So Obama finally decided on Afghanistan to not make a decision. We really picked a winner.
If the future really is messing with us, you don’t need a time machine to get back at them. Just booby-trap a time capsule.
“911?! A guy is screaming, ‘Allahu Akbar!’ and firing a gun at people! I’m really scared of what will happen if right-wingers hear about this!”
I’ve realized that my IMAO Privacy Policy is a bit inadequate, so I’ll give you all a way to opt out of having your information shared with spammers and the Russian mafia (even though they’re a very efficient mafia). Basically, I’ll add a button allowing you to opt out. All you’ll have to do is input your social security number and date of birth so I can know for certain who it is I shouldn’t share the information of.
So, any of you have some hilarious credit card numbers you want to tell me about in the comments? I think ones with lots of threes are funny.
Ace of Spades is thinking about doing a right-wing blogocentric version of the Yearly Kos and wants your input. I think this is an awesome idea… except for imitating Yearly Kos. I don’t want us to be a bunch of lameos trying to forget how lame they are and pretending they can accomplish something; it should just be one major kick ass party! And I say we have it in Vegas because it’s not too far from me and everyone loves Vegas. And we make it such a huge outrageous party that we basically turn off the whole city from ever wanting to vote for a conservative. Harry Reid should have a heart attack from just hearing it’s in his state. And it should have a carbon footprint so huge that eight polar bears die from it.
It will be epic!
So what should we have at what I’m tentatively titling “The Right-Wing Super Awesome Fun Party of Fun!”? Here’s some of my own ideas so far:
WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE AT THE RIGHT-WING SUPER AWESOME FUN PARTY OF FUN
* A panel on hippie punching led by Fred Thompson.
* A bouncy castle.
* A mixed martial arts competition.
* Indoor fireworks.
* A panel of top scientist discussing where we are on making space lasers and dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them.
* Crazed elephants.
* Guns, guns, and more guns. And then other guns than those.
* A rally for Ned Lamont.
* Top rocks bands from around the world. And if any of them object to playing for conservatives, we punch them for being hippies.
* Reagan policy look-alike contest.
* Eight open bars. And then a ninth, secret, extra-open bar.
* A panel of top theologians answering the question: “How much does God hate RINOs?”
* Ninja assassins guarding the doors making sure no liberals get in.
* Free punch and pie.
* Awesome lessons, taught by me.
* Explosions.
* Robots.
* Katanas.
* Sarah Palin.
And afterward we can force liberals to watch videotape of what went on at our party and their heads will explode!
So what do you want at The Right-Wing Super Awesome Fun Party of Fun? Make sure to tell Ace too.
Fred was out beating up flu viruses and throwing them into the sun, so there was no Lightning Round for 11-11.
On another topic, I found an old picture of Fred Thompson from his Watergate days, and I noticed that he bore a passing resemblance to Jack Nicholson:
Of course, that was over 30 years ago. People change.
Or do they?
Bearded Jack, meet Bearded Fred:
Now I’m not normally the conspiracy theory type, but has ANYONE ever seen Fred & Jack together in the same room?
It would be so awesome to make one of these. The best way I’ve come up with for accelerating monkeys is to fire them out of a large cannon. It’s really hard to get a high-speed collision, though, because the firing of them is so inaccurate; they’re not like their bullets spun by rifling which tend to follow the same path. You just have to keep firing monkeys in the air at the same time and hope two slam into each other, but it’s easy to lose track of the monkeys that way. Then you have monkeys running around everywhere and it’s a big mess, but if you can actually get two monkeys to slam into each other and catch it on a high-speed camera it all seems worth it.
What’s been your experience at getting monkeys to slam into each other?
Americans are going to be overly suspicious of Muslims if they’re convinced their government is incurious.
If the right has a big Vegas gathering, we should call it the “Right-wing Super Awesome Fun Party of Fun.” And it should be so awesome it puts Harry Reid in a coma. And it should be so outrageous that we turn Vegas off conservatism forever.
Any right-wing gathering should also have a mixed martial arts competition.
If I go to the big right-wing blog party in Vegas, I’m sure Fred Thompson will come too. He’s always wanted to meet me.
Let the record show I thanked no veterans yesterday. There’s only one way I like my freedoms: Taken for granted.
A subpoena was issued by the Justice Department to the news website Indymedia.us demanding information on all visitors to the site. I know this worries a number of you because what if the Obama administration demands information on all visitors to IMAO.us? Would I give you guys up?
Well, it would seem hypocritical not to give them the information since I already share information on my site’s visitors with spammers and the Russian mafia. But here is my guarantee to you: If I give the the government your information, I won’t tell you about it. That way you won’t have to fret about it. IMAO looks out for your psychological health.
Also, according to our privacy policy, I will share any and all information of IMAO visitors for profit or to save my own neck. So, this shouldn’t really be a surprise… except that I haven’t allowed anyone to see IMAO’s privacy policy. It likes to stay private.
Seriously? For Veterans Day?:
Fine. Here’s the story I’m running on Earth Day:
But today, I’m going with this one:
The increasingly ironically-named MoveOn.org has raised millions to fight Democrats who just aren’t Democratty enough. This would seem counter-productive when the Democrats will face an uphill battle in 2010, but counter-productive is what MoveOn.org specializes in.
Anyway, here are the ways MoveOn.org have found to identify a moderate Democrat:
MOVEON.ORG’S TOP TEN SIGNS OF A TURNCOAT DEMOCRAT.
10. Loves abortion, but isn’t “in love” with it.
9. Has ever expressed support of jailing criminals.
8. Supported the fall of the Soviet Union.
7. Doesn’t think it’s necessarily a criminal act when a conservative expresses his views.
6. Has on occasion rooted for America in the wars it fights.
5. Is not personally gay-married.
4. Has ever mentioned something they don’t think should be controlled by the government (such as people’s brains).
3. Thinks the real victims in terrorism are the victims of the terrorists.
2. Has ever sided with the wishes of the American people over those of a Hungarian-born billionaire.
And the number of sign of a turncoat Democrat…
Continue reading ‘MoveOn.org’s Top Ten Signs of a Turncoat Democrat’ »
The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 11-10-09 Fred Thompson Show:
To those who served before, with, and after me – thank you.
To those who were civilians from 1985 to 1991 – thank you for being the kind of Americans worth serving.
Seriously, sometimes the only thing that makes the military tolerable is knowing that someday you’ll come home to a country with ice cubes, hot showers, flush toilets, and that doesn’t smell like a mix of diesel exhaust & urine.
And congratulations to Google for actually bothering to pay lip service this time around.
Oh, and an answer to that pesky grammatical question from the US Dept. of Veterans Affairs:
Q. Which is the correct spelling of Veterans Day?
a. Veterans Day
b. Veteran’s Day
c. Veterans’ DayA. Veterans Day (choice a, above). Veterans Day does not include an apostrophe but does include an “s” at the end of “veterans” because it is not a day that “belongs” to veterans, it is a day for honoring all veterans.
Thanks to all our veterans who have fought for the awesome freedom we now enjoy. So, if you see a veteran today, thank him. If you are a veteran, go to a mirror and say, “I am awesome. Even Frank J. thinks so!”
If you don’t have a veteran to thank, you can instead go to a filthy hippy and say, “The only reason you are able to be a filthy hippie is that veterans fought and died for your freedom. And here’s something else a veteran has for you.”
And when the hippie says, “What?” punch him right in his dumb monkey face.
Then say, “But, seriously, there is a message veterans wants you to hear.”
And when the hippie says, “What?” punch him in the face again.
Then say, “And there is one last thing I want to say.”
Then the hippie will say, “You’re not going to punch me in the face again, are you?”
You say, “No, not at all.”
Then the hippie will be like, “So what did you want to tell me?”
Then say, “I’m a liar!” and punch him square in the face again.
God bless our veterans! And happy birthday to my brother, Joe foo’ the Marine.
