Sometimes I feel pretty bad for Obama because he always looks so scared and confused as president. Plus, all he ever has is bad news to tell everyone.
“Looks like I somehow misplaced half our country’s GDP, and another ocean is now covered in oil. I don’t know what to do! Somebody help me!”
So I thought I’d come up with some good news he could tell everybody. It’s hard to find good news these days, but I’m very smart. Actually, there’s some good news right there: “Frank J. is still very smart and hasn’t decided to use his vast mental powers to destroy us all.”
GOOD NEWS FOR OBAMA
* “While I’ve been president, very few Americans have been killed by tigers.”
* “Thanks to the work of Homeland Security, we haven’t had one giant asteroid attack.”
* “Thanks to my efforts, very few pedophiles these days can afford a van.”
* “Dilbert is still employed.”
* “I can guarantee the job losses will eventually end since there is no such thing as ‘negative jobs’.”
* “America has continued a steady growth while I’ve been president. In mass.”
* “The iPad’s pretty neat, huh? That came out during MY presidency.”
* “During my presidency, vampires have become 200% less threatening and 500% more sparkly.”
* “It could be worse. We could be… um… attacked by pirates! No, wait; that happened.”
* “Keith Olbermann will no longer ruin your football enjoyment.”
* “Despite New Black Panther threats to the contrary, cracker babies remain safe and sound.”
* “Well, I think we now have a good handle on what not to do.”
* “I still haven’t been attacked by a rabbit. Really crossing my fingers on that one.”
* “Just know that my administration has everything under complete control. Now has anyone seen the nuclear football? No? How about my car keys?”
* “So far, we’ve kept that monster of a man Spencer Ackerman from putting anyone through a plate glass window.”
* “I think we’ve all learned to appreciate jobs more.”
* “While I’ve been President, no Americans that I know of have been killed by tiger sharks!”
* “While becoming more like the Soviet Union sucks, at least the music is great! Right? Kalinka, kalinka, kalinka moya! V sadu yagoda malinka, malinka moya!“
Obamacare is Still not as bad as waiting in line at the DMV.
Great list!
**burning incense** **chanting**
We summon the dark powers of Frank the Artist…
We summon the dark powers of Frank the Artist…
We command thee draw a pic of Spencer being thrown through a plate glass window
Good news about Obama from his twitter account today he said- “I feel pretty.”
Not to take it out of context ill let him use his own words.
“I feel pretty, oh so pretty! So pretty, and happy, and alternative lifestyle choices that are neither superior or inferior but we all know they must be superior because it makes right wingers mad-ay”
“Well, I think we now have a good handle on what not to do.”
Frank, you very nearly made me have nosemilk. CHOCOLATE nosemilk. I hope you’re happy.
so says thee Obama
* “My administration has successfully prevented us from being invaded by Aliens, from outer space”
* “George W. Bush reigned over the worst economy since Herbert Hoover. That no longer is true”
* “Jimmy Carter is once again thought of as a great American president and a brilliant economist”
* “Taxes cuts for the Rich will soon cease to exist because there will be no rich people to tax”
* “and finally, thanks to ‘My’ Obammunistic Technological Advancements the undesirable right-wingers will be made into Soylent Green Pies. We can start feeding the poor as soon as the Protein banks are full”
Let me be perfectly clear, during my administration:
* “Michelle has gotten rid of those heinous belts. Well, most of them anyway.”
* “Despite rat, bee, fly and zombie infestations, the White House still remains 100% free of flying squirrels.”
* “My golf game has improved.”
* “The United States has not been attacked by Iceland.”
* “Bo has earned 15,000 frequent flyer miles.”
* “We have been successful in preventing the rogue nation of Barbados from acquiring nuclear weapons.”
* “Guantanamo remains open…no, wait..uh…I mean…”
* “Instead of hating us, now many countries think we are a bunch of complete tools.”
** Progressive now means Oppressive
* “I have created or saved trillions of dollars from not being spent”
* “I have had the first “lady” leave the country for extended periods”
* During my presidency, joe biden is not president”
You forgot to add: “I’m in good enough shape that when I bend over to Saudi royalty, I don’t throw my back out.”
Personally I don’t think he looks scared. In fact, he seems pretty sure of himself when he’s telling me I ought to be thanking him and starting every sentence with “Look”. “Look”, like he’s about to tell me something REALLY important and complicated that my puny little mind can’t understand. Whatever. The next time he bends over for royalty I hope he farts…. LOUDLY.
* “While President, I haven’t had to read any Congressional legislation!”
* “I’ve never been so happy playing so much golf.”
* “Look. The ice cream they bring me couldn’t be better.”
* “Michelle and I have never partied hardier.”
* “Oh, those are all about me, aren’t they? Well, how about this…”
* “If you’re white, at least now you know you’re a racist. You should be thanking me!”
Number two, Stevo…good one.
“While President, I haven’t had to read any Congressional legislation!”
Are you saying he did that before he became President?
“Keith Olbermann will no longer ruin your football enjoyment.”
YES!!!
This is the second best news since the Obama administration began-
surpassed only by the elimination of the federal deficit
by Michelle and her pal’s travel miles.
Obama:
Let me make this perfectly clear! The Time Bombs that I have placed
on the US Economy will not go off during my occupation. Not while I
am the Resident of the United States. Of course if I lose in 2012 they
will go off immediately
– so sayeth thee Obama, Resident of the United States
“Michelle has gotten rid of those heinous belts. Well, most of them anyway.”
hee hee – good news, indeed.