[A guest post from IMAO reader Laurie]
The hardest thing about writing a good parody is striking that fine balance between keep and change. You have to keep enough of the original so that the reader feels like they’re following a familiar story, but you need to change enough to make your points clearly.
It requires a deft touch.
And I do believe Laurie succeeded magnificently in this case. Enjoy.
–Harvey
Bush: A president’s time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Conservative, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new president.
Conservative: And this will all be mine?
Bush: Everything.
Conservative: Everything the light touches. {Conservative looks all around. He views the squalid inner city on the map} What about the inner city?
Bush: That’s beyond our borders. You must never go there, Conservative.
Conservative: But I thought a president can do whatever he wants.
Bush: Oh, there’s more to being president than… getting your way all the time.
{Bush starts back down from the White House}
Conservative: {Awed} There’s more?
Bush: {Chuckles} Conservative… Everything in the political economy exists together, in a delicate balance. As president, you need to understand that balance, and respect all the business people — from the small businessman to the great industrialist.
Conservative: But, Dad, don’t we tax the businessmen?
Bush: Yes, Conservative, but let me explain. When we tax, our tax dollars become financial stimulus. And the business spending stimulates consumer spending and tax revenues. And so we are all connected in the great economic cycle.
…..
(continued in extended entry)
Conservative: Isn’t this a great place?
Tea Partier: It is beautiful. But I don’t understand something. You’ve been alive all this time. Why didn’t you get re-elected and come back to Washington?
Conservative: {Climbing into a hammock} Well, I just needed to… get out on my own. Live my own life. Go Galt! And I did. And it’s great. {He sounds almost as if trying to convince himself as well as the Tea Partier.}
Tea Partier: {Voice catching, as though barely under control} We’ve really needed you in Washington.
Conservative: {Quieter} No one needs me.
Tea Partier: Yes, we do! You should be the president.
Conservative: Tea Partier, we’ve been through this. I’m not the president. Obama is.
Tea Partier: Conservative, he let the Leftists take over the America.
Conservative: What?
Tea Partier: Everything’s destroyed. There’s no jobs. No money. Conservative, if you don’t do something soon, everyone will starve.
Conservative: I can’t go back.
Tea Partier: {Louder} Why?
Conservative: You wouldn’t understand.
Tea Partier: What wouldn’t I understand?
Conservative: {Hastily} No, no, no. It doesn’t matter. Go Galt.
Tea Partier: {Confused} What?
Conservative: Go Galt. It’s something I learned out here. Look, sometimes bad things happen…
Tea Partier: Conservative!
Conservative: (Continuing, irritated) …And there’s nothing you can do about it. So why worry?
{Conservative starts away from Tea Partier, Tea Partier comes back up to him.}
Tea Partier: Because it’s your responsibility!
Conservative: Well, what about you? YOU voted for Liberals.
Tea Partier: I voted to save America! And I voted fo a RINO. Don’t you understand? You’re our only hope.
Conservative: Sorry.
Tea Partier: What’s happened to you? You’re not the Conservative I remember.
Conservative: You’re right. I’m not. Now are you satisfied?
Tea Partier: No, just disappointed.
Conservative: You know, you’re starting to sound like our founding fathers.
Tea Partier: Good. At least one of us does.
…….
[continued in the extended entry]
Conservatives: {Moving away} I think… you’re a little confused.
Sarah Palin: {Magically in front of Conservatives again} Wrong. I’m not the one who’s confused; you don’t even know who you are.
Conservatives: {Irritated, sarcastic} Oh, and I suppose you know?
Sarah Palin: Sure do; you’re Reagan’s boy.
{Conservative is surprised by this revelation. Sarah Palin disappears off stage right.} Bye!
Conservatives: Hey, wait!
{Conservatives chase after him. When we catch up. Sarah Palin is in Alaska hunting a moose.} You knew Reagan?
Sarah Palin: {Monotone} Correction– I know Reagan.
Conservatives: I hate to tell you this, but… he died. A long time ago.
{Sarah Palin leaps off the rock after a Moose.}
Sarah Palin: Nope. Wrong again! Ha ha hah! He’s alive! And I’ll show him to you. You follow Sarah, she knows the way. Come on!
{Sarah Palin leads Conservatives through the brush. Conservatives have trouble keeping up due to their being overweight. The music slips into African chant.}
Sarah Palin: Don’t dawdle. Hurry up!
Conservatives: Hey, whoa. Wait, wait.
Sarah Palin: Come on, come on.
Conservatives: Would you slow down?
{Sarah Palin is seen flitting through the canopy ahead of Conservatives, laughing and whooping. Conservatives struggle to keep up. Suddenly, Sarah Palin appears with her hand held up right into Conservatives’s face.}
Sarah Palin: STOP!
{Sarah Palin motions to Conservatives near some reeds.}
Shhh.
{She parts the reeds and points past them with her moose rifle.}
Look down there.
{Conservative quietly and carefully works his way out. He looks over the edge and sees his reflection in a pool of water. He first seems a bit startled, perhaps at his own mature appearance, but then realizes what he’s looking at.}
Conservatives: {Disappointed sigh} That’s not Reagan. That’s just my reflection.
Sarah Palin: Noo. Look harder.
{Sarah Palin motions over the pool. Ripples form, distorting Conservatives’ reflection; they resolve into Reagan’s face. A deep rumbling noise is heard.
You see, he lives in you.
{Conservatives are awestruck. The wind picks up. In the air the huge image of Reagan is forming from the clouds. He appears to be walking from the stars. The image is ghostly at first, but steadily gains color and coherence.}
Reagan: {Quietly at first} Conservatives . . .
Conservatives: President Reagan?
Reagan: Conservatives, you have forgotten me.
Conservatives: No. How could we?
Reagan: You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Conservatives. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Political Process.
Conservatives: How can I go back? I’m not who I used to be.
{Shot of cloud-Reagan, with glowing yellow eyes. He is framed in swirling clouds, radiating golden light.}
Reagan: Remember who you are. You are an American, and a true Patriot.
{Close up of Conservatives’s face, bathed in the golden light, showing a mixture of awe, fear, and sadness. The image of Reagan starts to fade.}
Remember who you are.
{Reagan is disappearing rapidly into clouds. Conservatives run into the fields trying to keep up with the image.}
Conservatives: No. Please! Don’t leave me.
Reagan: Remember…
Conservatives: Mr. Reagan!
Reagan: Remember…
Conservatives: Don’t leave me.
Reagan: Remember . . .
. . . . . . . .
Obama: Industrialists!
{A corporate CEO ascends steps to the White House. The Leftists throw tomatoes and insults. He only glares disdainfully at them.}
Industrialists: Yes, Obama?
Obama: Where is your industrial recovery? They’re not doing their job.
Industrialists: {Calmly} Obama, there is no profit. The investors have moved on.
Obama: No. You’re just not trying hard enough.
Industrialists: It’s over. There is nothing left. We have only one choice. You Leftists must leave the White House.
Obama: We’re not going anywhere.
Industrialists: Then you have sentenced us to economic death.
Obama: Then so be it.
Industrialists: {Disgusted, amazed} You can’t do that.
Obama: I’m the president. I can do whatever I want.
Industrialists: If you were half the president Bush was you would nev–
{Obama hits Industrialists with new taxes and regulations, knocking them to the ground.}
Obama: I’m ten times the president Bush was!
{Conservative appears on the news, growling loudly. He leaps out into the public media and runs to the defense of business. Obama mistakes Conservative as Bush and is understandably frightened.}
Bush? No. You’re dead.
{Industrialists awakens at the Conservative’s nudge, but mistakes him as Bush as Obama did.}
Industrialists: Bush?
Conservative: No. It’s me – a real Conservative.
Industrialists: {Delighted} A Conservative? You’re alive? {Confused} How can that be?
Conservative: It doesn’t matter; I’m home.
Obama: {Confused} Conservative…? {back in form} Conservative! I’m a little surprised to see you, {giving the Leftist media above him an angry look} electorally viable…
{On the word “viable,” the Liberal media gulp audibly and slink into the shadows.}
Conservative: {As Industrialists look on with some pride} You can’t even prove you’re a citizen. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t rip you apart in the next election.
Obama: {Backing into a wall, apologetic} Oh, Conservative, you must understand. The pressures of ruling a nation…
Conservative: …Are no longer yours. Step down, Obama.
Obama: Oh, oh, ye– Well, I would, heh, naturally, heh– however, there is one little problem. You see them?
{pointing to the horde of Leftists in the inner cities}
They think I’M president.
{Tea Partier appears with the rest of the patriots.}
Tea Partier: Well, we don’t. A Conservative American is the rightful president.
Conservative: The choice is yours, Obama. Either step down or be impeached.
Obama: Oh, must it all end in litigation? I’d hate to be responsible for a bigoted racist act. Wouldn’t
you agree, Conservative?
Conservative: That’s not gonna work, Obama. I’ve put it behind me.
Obama: Eh, but what about your faithful electorate? Have they put it behind them?
Electorate: Conservative, what is he talking about?
Obama: {Delighted} Ahh, so you haven’t told them your little secret. Well, Conservative, now’s your chance to tell them. Tell them who is responsible for racism in America!
{Obama’s last line causes the electorate to start. All are concentrating on Conservative.}
Conservative: {Steeling himself, then taking step forward} White Americans.
{Industrialists approach the Conservative.}
Industrialists: {With much grief} It’s not true. Tell me it’s not true.
Conservative: {Regretfully} It’s true.
Obama: You see! He admits it! Racist!
{Flashing logos and headlines behind Obama are edited in to the television stream to accentuate the line.}
Conservative: No. It was a long time ago. Everbody alive during slavery is long since dead.
{Obama walks around and around Conservative as he accuses him; very nicely done animated rotation for CBS News.}
Obama: If it weren’t for your race, There would be no racism. It’s your race’s fault there’s racism; do you deny it?
Conservative: No.
Obama: {Severely} Then… you’re… racist.
Conservative: No. I’m not a racist.
Obama: Oh, Conservative, you’re in trouble again. But this time, Reagan isn’t here to save you. And now EVERYONE.. KNOWS… WHY!
{Obama has been harranging Conservative up the length and breadth of the talking head media. After his last sentence, Conservative slips over the electoral edge and is clinging to a slim majority by his nails.}
Tea Partier: Conservative!
{Obama sits back and pretends to think.}
Obama: Now this looks familiar. Hmm. Where have I seen this before? Let me think. Hmmm… hmmm. Oh yes, I remember. This is just the way the Republicans looked just before they lost the last two elections.
{Obama feels secure in the election and lowers his guard where unbeknownst a Conservative is recording for a You Tube… Obama quietly admits his hatred of whites.}
And here’s MY little secret: I’ a racist.
{Conservative has a quick memory flash back to being called a racist unless he did everything the Leftist media ordered. The You Tube is posted online. Obama is caught completely by surprise and is understandably very nervous and shaken.}
Conservative: Anti….White…Racist!
Obama: No, Conservative, please.
Conservative: Tell them the truth.
Obama: Truth? But truth is in the eye of the beholdllgkkk!
{Obama starts to choke as the You Tube is watched all over the world.}
All right. All right. {quietly, venomously} I hate whites.
Conservative: So they can hear you.
Obama: {Grudgingly, but clear} I hate whites! They have run the world for centuries on the backs of the poor, the minorities and the women! They deserve to loose power forever!
{Conservatives pursue Obama relentlessly in the media. Obama flees media appearances and sees the sheer drop in his poll numbers. Conservatives rise up to confront him at every political commentary show. Obama is very apprehensive, seeing he is cornered and at the Conservatives’ mercy.}
Conservatives: {Quietly, severely} Racist.
Obama: Conservatives, Conservatives. Please. Please have mercy. I beg you.
Conservatives: You don’t deserve to hold office.
Obama: But, Conservatives, I am… ah… {unsure of his tactic} a Black American. It’s the media and the Leftists {regaining composure} who are the real enemies. It was their fault– it was their idea!
{Media and Leftists are in the background. They overhear and back away muttering at Obama’s betrayal.}
Conservatives: Why should I believe you? Everything you ever told me was a lie.
Obama: What are you going to do? You wouldn’t impeach a Black American…? {ingratiating grin}
Conservatives: No, Obama. I’m not like you.
Obama: {Greatly relieved} Oh, Conservatives, thank you. You are truly noble. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. How can I, ah, prove myself to you? Tell me; I mean, anything.
Conservatives: {Gravely, with deep anger} Abandon your Leftist policies. Cut taxes and spending, Obama. And after your term expires never return.
Obama: Yes. Of course. As you wish… {remembering how easy it is to manufacture false stories of racism and corruption against Republicans and Conservatives} …you’re in charge! {Obama calls upon his minions to plant false stories of racism and corruption in the media. With a cry of surprise and pain, Conservatives fight in the alternative media as Obama attacks in the mainstream media. Both Obama and Conservatives land heavy personal attacks in the media. Conservatives get knocked on their back as the election looms. Conservatives gather courage and use Obama’s momentum in a “throw” similar to Alinski’s fighting tactics to send him flying down in the electoral count. Obama tumbles to the bottom of the polls. He weakly gets up. He sees his Leftist base approaching and smiles. Soros has a very angry look on his face.}
Obama: Ahh, my friends.
Soros: Frie-he-hends? I thought he said we were the enemy!
Lefitst media: Yeah, that’s what I heard.
Soros and the Leftist media: Chicago machine thugs?
The Chicago thugs: {Laugh evilly}
Obama: {Very nervous} No. L-L-L-Le-Le-Le-Le-Let me explain. No. You don’t understand. No! I didn’t mean for… No, No! Look, I m sorry I called you… No! NOO!
{The camera moves away and we can only see the shadows as the horde of inner city politicians close on and devour Obama. Tax cuts and spending cuts open up and douse the government spending fire. Conservatives come down and greet the Tea Partiers and the Industrialists. The new Congress motion for Conservatives to ascend the Capitol steps as the new majority. Conservatives start up and pause to thank God as their fathers did.}
Mark Levin: It is time.
{Very majestically, Conservatives ascend through the appaluse. Music is strong. Through a hole in the clouds we can see a patch of stars. One bright star shines out briefly.}
Reagan: Remember . . .
{Conservatives’s expression gains confidence and strength. They speak out about Freedom, Opportunity and the Fairness of Keeping what is Earned. The Industrialists speak out in defense of Fair and Square Capitalism. The economy recovers. … Conservatives and Tea Partiers are in the White House and the Congress. Sean Hannity of course, is shaking his arms in the classic victory sign. All the groups of Tea Partiers are there and making noise as in the presentation of new Conservatives.}
Full Chorus:
Till we find our place
in the House and Senate
and the White House
for our Freedom and Life
Our Freedom and Life!
That. Was. Epic.
Who played the parts of the Meercat and the warthog?
Who played the parts of the Meercat and the warthog?
Frank J. and Harvey ?
No, I sppose not.
They were the ‘Hakuna Matata’ guys,
the ‘Go Galt’ ones in this parable. Frank or Harvey wouldn’t fit there.
I guess Timon and Pu’umba are basically conservative who didn’t vote or those who didn’t participate in politics, and encourage others to sit out elections cause
“there’s not a dimes worth of difference…”
…that’s it!!- Ross Perot as Timon .
Were any of the hyenas doctors from Vermont? Community organizers from Chicago?? Selling carbon offsets???
E
.P
..I
…C
W-wow.
…
Wow.
Bill O’Reilly as Timon – cause he is kind of weaselly, has a weaselly voice, and he will probably be helpful in the end.
Pumbaa? Roger Ailes maybe?
I couldn’t figure out the source material at the beginning; it seemed like a familiar story, but I couldn’t quite pin it down until the Sarah Palin and Reagan scene.
And let me also add, that was briliantly done.
Reagan!
Oooh, I got chills. Do it again!
So. Very. Epic.
Oops, I forgot … Bravo Laurie!
*applause*
I love happy endings! I hope our story has one, too.