Save a military hero

Don’t lose sight of the fact there are two Obamas in the White House.

There’s the man of the house. And there’s her husband, Barack.

Now, just in case you’re thinking I’m out of line by picking on the First Lady, keep in mind that Michelle (or, “M’Sel” in her native Klingon) isn’t running around planting trees or cutting the ribbon on department stores. She’s running around telling you what you can eat. It’s part of the Nanny State mentality of the left.

Anyway, she’s now got a new notch on her belt. And it’s a two-for-one: She’s winning her control of your dinner plate, and putting a military icon out of business.

Yes, there are fears that Cap’n Crunch will lose his job.

That bowl of wonderfulness that cuts the inside of your mouth to little pieces in the most delightfully painful way may soon be no more.

Think about that. Your children … or your children’s children … may not be able to enjoy a bowl of Cap’n Crunch. Not regular Cap’n Crunch (my favorite). Not Peanut Butter Crunch (poor Smedley). Not Crunch Berries.

Now, Quaker Oats is denying reports that the cereal is going away. But I gotta wonder. Is this simply the first step to erase our childhoods?

We must take action to ensure that Cap’n Crunch remains available for generations to come. Dentists, tooth fairies, and children’s happiness all depend on Cap’n Crunch remaining a daily part of a wholly-unbalanced breakfast.

16 Comments

  1. Cap’n Crunch handed retirement papers? Not surprising, since General Motors sold out, its open season on any officers that they don’t like! And we all know how they feel about Private Industry and Corpopal Punishment! At least I can count on Captain Morgan to lead us in opposition!

  2. I think Michelle could stand to be Crunchatized and taught to respect the ways of the cereal. It always does wonders for the villains in the commercials.

    Problem solved. Force-feed the liberals Cap’n Crunch and they’ll be so moved by how good it is that they’ll see the error of their ways.

  3. That cuts it. I grew up on it and the Cap’n’s wonderful sugar-composed cousins. The Obama’s have destroyed our future, and now, they’re robbing us of our past.

    @Genghis: That’s a high honor, indeed. Personally, I alternated between Crunch Berries and Peanut Butter when choosing one of the Cap’n’s delicious meals.

  4. Cap’n Crunch is opposed to ‘Gays-In-The-Military’, and is rumored to have made a Politically Incorrect Video when he was the XO of the ship. He also shoots Somali pirates on sight. This makes Cap’n Crunch an enemy to the O-bah-muhh Administration.

  5. “Cap’n Crunch was once the No. 1 breakfast cereal, but pressure from the White House and health activists is having an effect on how PepsiCo and other food companies peddle their products to kids.”

    Ya know, I can almost understand the environment “activists,” as they honestly believe the environment is being destroyed, which would, in fact affect them. How does one even begin to justify forcing their dislike for tasty foods on other people?

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