Archive of entries posted on September 2011

Nuke the News: Taxes Create Jobs, Day of Yawn, and Yay Fraud

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* Hey, I know what will create more jobs: More taxes!

I haven’t even seen a Democrat attempt to explain how exactly taxing rich people leads to job growth. It’s a logical leap too far for even the most craven partisan. I guess the best they could do now is to say they’re taking money from the rich and then using it instead for Obama’s jobs bill.

Think about that: We’re taking money from the rich — people in this country who have proven they can build wealth and create and expand businesses (thus making jobs) — and instead giving it to Obama who has proven he can spend a trillion dollars to no noticeable effect.

They call the right “anti-science”, but the left seem to be anti-basic logic. What are the left these days but a bunch of people patting themselves on the back for believing evolution while walking into traffic?

* Apparently a couple hundred people gathered at Wall Street over the weekend to have a “Day of Rage” to protest… who knows what. And don’t you think it would have been more effective if they did it while Wall Street was actually open? Maybe they have school weekdays — I kinda doubt they have jobs.

We have too many pointless protests in this country. I guess it comes from a misreading of history where people think big change was caused by poster board with rhyming slogans. “Hey, let’s get some placards and write stuff on it and then the world will change!” Yes, protest marches have happened in concurrence with change, but I think we’re not understanding cause and effect. If anything ever was changed exclusively by a protest, it must have been a pretty pointless thing to begin with.

* The Palestinians are turning to the U.N. to get statehood. I think Palestinians statehood is a great idea because the one thing the Middle East doesn’t have enough of is violent Muslim countries. We could really use another one. Maybe one that hates Israel. Of course, if Palestine ever gets statehood, I assume Israel would just bomb and invade them as an enemy country.

Maybe we can just give Palestinians a special place in the U.N…. like maybe a cage hanging from the ceiling.

* I keep being amazed there is opposition to having to present an ID to vote. People keep trying to act like this is controversial, even though a super majority support it (and are probably surprised there is even a debate). I keep seeing this anti-reality statement that there is no record of voter fraud so none exists. Oh really; we don’t check for voter fraud, and thus we have no record of it. How conclusive!

Oh, I just got an email from Chicago; they say they’ve done a study no voter fraud has ever existed ever. That settles it.

Some are trying to make an issue of this with Perry because they passed a voter ID law in Texas, and he should really run with it. If any on the Democrat side wants to be against it, make them carry the pro-voter fraud label as there is no — NO — logical reason to be against having to prove you can vote before voting other than that you are for voter fraud and think it will help your side. We can’t let people this craven get away with quietly holding this view.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Child pornographers are the scum of the earth and should be prosecuted as if they were adults.” –Jonathan Katz

* So Nicolas Cage is some sort of Twilight vampire as evidenced by a Civil War photo. Some people were gathered before Nicolas Cage’s latest movie saying Cage is an unholy, unnatural thing that must be destroyed. I wonder what those people will say when they find out he’s a vampire?

* BTW, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrr! Mateys!

Yeah, that’s all you’re getting from me.

Random Thoughts

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We’d have a lot fewer of these death row controversies if people would just murder less.

The economy is still not very good. I’m thinking of rioting. Who’s with me?

When they canceled the marathon, there was a race riot.

In the Star Wars Blu-ray release, Lucas used CGI to make Anakin less angry at sand.

Q. What does the doctor do when you have a big gash on your cheek?
A. SEWS YOUR FACE!

Gandalf is protesting in front of the Mines of Moria in a Day of Mage.

To protest, TNT is playing nothing but awful movies in a Day of Cage.

My wife likes to work with different herbs. Today is Day of Sage.

I notice Intrade now has Romney above Perry. I hate Romney. I’ll vote for him, but I hate him. Actually, I’m in Idaho; doesn’t really matter if I vote in the presidential race.

Do you know how many people are murdered by babies per year? Nearly none. Nearly.

Taxing rich people will increase jobs by…

Is there actually any logic behind taxing the rich other than placating idiot whiners?

“Oh, I know! To help the economy, let’s take money from people who know how to build wealth and give it to moron spenders in D.C.!”

There’s no logical reason to oppose voter ID laws other than that you want voter fraud and hope it will help your party.

People keep claiming voter fraud is rare. How do they know that without voter IDs?

To most people, asking whether voters should show ID is like asking whether murderers should be arrested. There’s no debate.

I hope my favorite show Community wins an Emmy. It will be a huge upset if they do since they didn’t get nominated for anything.

Are sombreros racist?

I just heard they decided no shows were good enough for an Emmy this year and they’re ending the awards early.

We’ve successfully taught Buttercup to say “nom nom nom” when she eats.

Did something from HBO win best drama? Something from HBO is usually pretty good (though vulgar).

Democrat math

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Have you seen Obama’s new proposal? Remember that bill he wanted Congress to pass that night he gave the speech. It seems they finally got around to writing it. It calls for “$1.5 trillion in new tax revenue” plus another $1.5 trillion in spending cuts over 10 years.

What cuts?

Well, it cuts $250 billion from Medicare over 10 years. How much did Paul Ryan’s plan — the one where the Democrats showed grandma being thrown off a cliff — cut in the next 10 years? Zero. I guess Obama doesn’t want to wait until 2022 to toss grandma off a cliff. He threw his under the bus, so why not toss yours over a cliff, right?

Oh, yes, there are other savings, too. $330 billion from cuts to Medicaid and farm subsidies, according to the reports.

So, that’s 1/2 trillion dollars. Where does the other $1 trillion come from? The military. Specifically, it would be from money not spent on troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

So, does that mean that if Congress doesn’t pass the bill, he’s going to leave the troops over there? Is Obama kidnapping our military and holding them for ransom?

Because if the troops were coming home anyway, the money saved from bringing them back wouldn’t count as part of the proposal, right?

Here’s how his math works.

Raise taxes $1.5 trillion. Cut Medicare, Medicaid, and farm subsidies a third of that. That equals $3 trillion in savings.

Yeah, I can’t get the numbers to add up either. Or figure out how raising taxes is savings.

Must be another example of where reality is to be ignored in order to follow Dear Leader’s plan. There seems to be a lot of that.

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Who’s gonna lose, week 3

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The most important issue of the day? Jobs? Turmoil in the Mideast? Taxes?

No. Then what?

Who’s gonna win the game, of course. Which game? Doesn’t matter. Everybody’s got a game.

I can’t help tell you who’ll win the game, though. I may be able to tell you who’s gonna lose, though. You can figure out who wins from there.
Continue reading ‘Who’s gonna lose, week 3’ »

Whoever the Republicans Nominate Is Ten Time Worse Than Bush

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Through skulduggery (my favorite kind of duggery) I have obtained this editorial from the New York Times that’s nearly ready to go as soon as the Republicans have a presidential nominee.

The presidency of George W. Bush was an awful time for this country, and we can all be thankful that time is over now that we have President Obama. Bush was horrible to this country, getting us into unnecessary wars which, along with his tax cuts for the rich, drove us deep into debt. He left a giant mess for Obama to inherit, and people often thought he was the worst president imaginable. That was until the Republicans nominated [Republican nominee], who is easily ten times worse than Bush.

The Republicans could have nominated someone moderate and reasonable like [Republican primary candidate who lost], but instead they’ve decided to try and push this country in a radical direction with the extreme right-wing [Republican nominee]. He/she is nothing but a retread of the failed policies of the past and makes even George W. Bush look moderate in comparison. Plus, he/she simply lacks the intelligence and demeanor that President Obama has. If we want to continue to move forward, it’s imperative we stop [Republican nominee].

Just look at his/her extreme view [Republican nominee view 1]. This is radically out of the mainstream and completely out of touch with the needs of the American people. In fact, it could easily create great harm to [vulnerable group who tends to vote]. At least Bush had the pretense of compassionate conservatism, but [Republican nominee view 1] shows that [Republican nominee] is completely uncaring. And as many people have said, [talking point on Republican nominee view 1].

And then there’s [Republican nominee]’s opinion [Republican nominee view 2]. It’s almost hard to believe. He/she is basically proposing to set the rights of [protected group] back one hundred years. How can someone in this day and age actually argue [Republican nominee view 2]? This is once again thinking that is stuck in the past and won’t continue to move the country forward like President Obama has done. Plus it’s well known that [talking point on Republican nominee view 2].

As for the economy, what has [Republican nominee] proposed? [Republican nominee proposal for the economy]. You have to be kidding me. It’s a lopsided tax cut for the rich at the expense of the poor and the elderly. Obviously, [Republican nominee] is beholden to the unreasonable, extreme views of the Tea Party. His/her ideas are nothing like the balanced approach Obama has proposed with [Obama economic proposal, if available]. Only that approach will continue the progress Obama has already made.

One has to wonder about the intelligence of someone who would believe such radical views as [Republican nominee view 1] and [Republican nominee view 2] and has an economic plan of [Republican nominee proposal for the economy]. People used to question Bush’s intelligence in jest, but at least he was educated at Yale and Harvard and thus had some wisdom about the world. [Republican nominee], on the other hand, is truly a dunce, as we’ve seen with such statements as [gaffe 1] and [gaffe 2]. Does anyone really think [demeaning nickname for Republican nominee] stacks up against the intelligence and poise of President Obama?

And some of the things [Republican nominee] has said that aren’t outright stupid are quite scary. Like when he/she said [Republican nominee statement using the words “black” or “dark” — just something that could be argued to be racist; be creative]. This is obviously a dog whistle to rally people who have a problem with the American president being black. And then he/she said [Republican nominee statement about religion, such as praying to God for guidance]; [Republican nominee] obviously doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state and wants to make this country a theocracy. America doesn’t need its own Taliban.

Why would anyone think that [Republican nominee] would help this country? What has he/she supposedly done? [Republican nominee accomplishment 1], [Republican nominee accomplishment 2], and [Republican nominee accomplishment 3]? [Republican nominee] had little to do with any of that, plus everyone clearly agrees [talking point dismissing Republican nominee accomplishments]. It is indisputable that [Republican nominee] just can’t measure up against the experience Obama has gained in the past few years as president, during which he’s achieved the real accomplishments of killing Osama bin Laden, [Obama accomplishment 2], and [Obama accomplishment 3].

Obama should be reelected, and it’s easy to see why. He inherited an unemployment rate of 7.6% from George W. Bush and reduced it to [unemployment rate if lower than 7.6%; omit sentence otherwise]. The economy is now growing at a steady rate of [recent GDP growth if not pathetic; omit sentence otherwise]. He enacted health care reform to better control costs and availability of health care to all Americans. [NOTE: Remove sentence if the health care reform was ruled unconstitutional or is still extremely unpopular]. We finally have encouraging signs of peace in the Middle East with [encouraging sign of peace in the Middle East if any can be found… actually, just go ahead and remove this sentence now]. And Barack Obama is not a scary, right-wing extremist like [Republican nominee].

Yes, Obama has not been perfect, but that in no way justifies handing over the presidency to [Republican nominee]. Remember, Barack Obama was elected to replace the tired views of George W. Bush, so why would we want to turn to someone so far to the right of Bush? This nation just won’t be able to survive that. Now, I will be the first to admit that sometimes we on the left have, driven by partisanship, occasionally gone over the top in our attacks on a Republican, and we can even see clearly now that some of the attacks on Bush were a bit unwarranted. But this time it has nothing to do with politics. This is a sincere belief from the heart: [Republican nominee] is a dangerous man/woman who must be stopped for the good of the nation.

Nuke the News: Frank is Back, Attacking Watches, and Lost Hope

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* I’m back! But I have a lot of catch up to do news-wise, so bear with me. Also, I got injected with a vaccine and as a result may have suffer mental retardation.

* So Obama has this new site AttackWatch.com, which I would think would be videos of people smashing wrist watches with hammers but is instead a really cheapo, seedy looking website where you can report people saying bad things about Obama. I’ve already reported most of my blog commenters. I just have to report a few more people, and I’ll win getting a pat on the head directly from Obama.

Seriously, I am going to report anyone who says false smears about Obama. With all the factual bad things to say about Obama, we really should just stick to that.

ATTACK WAAAAATCH!

* So this company, Solyndra, which makes solar cells got half a billion dollars in loans from Obama’s stimulus, and the White House was personally involved with it. It went belly up resulting in thousands of jobs neither saved nor created from our investment. I think this is why it’s so important we give Obama hundreds of billions to spend because you know he’s going to waste a ton of it, and thus giving him that much money is the only way maybe a billion or two will actually end up some place useful.

* So, that special election in New York was… pretty special. The Dems held that seat for like eighty years, and now it’s gone. I guess there were some interesting circumstance there involving Weiner, but you can’t help but wonder if Obama has started to cause that permanent realignment the left hoped he would make — just not in the direction they wanted.

CHANGE!

* There is some talk now that Obama might be clinically depressed. Things haven’t been going to well for him, and everyone is making fun of him (thought Attack Watch should put a stop to that). Obama is out demanding a jobs bill be passed “right now” that he hasn’t even written; maybe he has just given up on things. He’s lost his hope. Without hope, he just has change left. And change by itself could be anything — like becoming a mutant.

Someone should cheer Obama up. Maybe we could put a jester hat on Biden and have him do a silly dance for Obama. Or we could treat Obama to a nice waffle breakfast; he likes waffles. We have to do something. Maybe we can just remind him he does’t have to run for a second term; that would relive a lot of stress. For him too.

* New Crowder video in which he reports a Ponzi scheme to the SEC:

Really, the only way Social Security isn’t like a Ponzi scheme is that knowing it’s a scam doesn’t protect you from it.

* My ebook should be out in mid-November. I’ll hopefully have a firm date for you soon (and a title and cover art). Purchasing it will be MANDATORY.

With the book coming out (from an actual publisher!) and being in the New York Post (where you should hopefully see more pieces from me in the future), it seems like my writing career has suddenly taken a big leap. And on top of all that, a Chipotle is opening up in Boise today. So everything is coming up Frank. I want to thank all my readers of IMAO (except for a few of you who I never liked) and also Pajamas Media which gave a place for my… um… interesting style of writing to be seen by a larger audience.

Now we just have to hope I don’t decide I’m too important to spend time blogging… though I probably am.

* Go BSU against Toledo! …but don’t be too mean to them.

Random Thoughts

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Zelda II for NES is a very hard game. All the modern Zelda’s are a cakewalk compared to it.

Are people trying to allege that Sarah Palin likes black people?

I once mastered the digital design of elliptic curve encryption, but I don’t think I’ll ever figure out how to fold a shirt.

I mean with the sleeves and the collar… how do you ever get it into a nice little rectangle?

I really hate the Gateway to the West in St. Louis. In fact, you might call it my arch nemesis.

Messin’ wit’ french fried potaters

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Mmmmgh. I wuz readin’ th’ newspaper th’ oth’r day. Well, I wuz sorta readin’ it. I know some o’ th’ words. Some o’ them words I didn’t know.


Anyways, it wuz sayin’ that that Obamer lady has gone an’ made some rest’rants stop sellin’ french fried potaters. She ought not t’ do that.


I likes french fried potaters. ‘Course it’s only rest’rants like yer Olive Garden and yer Red Lobster that’s stoppin’ th’ french fried potaters. That’s what th’ Atlanta paper says, anyway.


It sez that th’ kids can get french fried potaters if their momma or their daddy sez they can. I thought it wuz a joke when I heard about it. But it’s not like any other joke I heard. Like the one about them two fellers standin’ on th’ bridge, goin’ to th’ bathroom. Mmmgh. That’n I got. Didn’t get the joke about the food, though. So I’m thinkin’ it’s not a joke.


Besides, folks treat me like a kid sometimes, an’ I’m thinkin’ that th’ waitress ladies won’t let me get ’em without my momma or my daddy sayin’ it’s okay. My momma’s dead. I kilt her. My daddy’s still livin’ but I don’t cotton to him to much. So I’m on my own ever since I got out th’ nervous hospital.


Anyways, if’n the Olive Lobster stores don’t let me get french fried potaters, I’m like to get right upset about it. I don’t think they’d care much for me if’n that happened.

You don’t deserve your money!

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Rep. Jan Schakowsky, D IL-9

I know. Some of you get up in the morning, dress, grab a quick bite or maybe a cup of coffee, and head to work.

Or, perhaps, you work odd hours. Sometimes long days.

Maybe you work a second job to help make ends meet.

I’ve done all of those things. Perhaps you have too, or still are.

But, whatever the circumstances, you work to earn your pay.

Only, you don’t deserve it. Really. Check with Jan Schakowsky, the Democrat who represents Illinois’ 9th district, who was speaking on WLS Radio:

I’ll put it this way. You don’t deserve to keep all of it and it’s not a question of deserving because what government is, is those things that we decide to do together.

Now, don’t you feel ashamed of yourself? Thinking that the money you earned is yours. Or that you deserve it.

Thank goodness we have Democrats to set us straight.

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Trade ya

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According to AFP (Agence France-Presse, which is French or something for The Daily Planet, I think), Obama’s approval rating is at 75%.

In Europe.

… he remains highly popular in Europe, with 75 percent in 12 EU nations approving his handling of global affairs, a poll said Wednesday.

He is also much better liked than his predecessor George W. Bush, whose rating in Europe was just 20 percent in 2008, said the Transatlantic Trends poll by the German Marshall Fund.

Here’s what I think: if Europe like Barack Obama so much, they can have him.

But, we really should get something for him. I mean, he did kind of screw things up really bad here, so anything we can get would help offset the damage.

In baseball or pro football, trades happen all the time. In baseball, you hear about one player traded for another, or for a couple of minor leaguers. In pro football, some running back for a couple of draft choices happen from time to time. So why not in the oldest sport and second-oldest profession, politics?

Let’s trade Obama to Europe. But who should we get in return?

I’m thinking Nicolas Sarkozy would be an improvement. With that trade, we’d get a hot First Lady, too!

Heck, the desiccated corpse of Charles de Gaulle would be an improvement over Obama.

How about the Queen of England? Sure, all she does is ride around waving funny at people, but right now, that sounds pretty good.

Or the Pope. He doesn’t hate the Jews nearly as much as Obama does.

Maybe we could get Roman Polanski. Of course, he’d go straight to jail, but then we’d have a child rapist in jail and Obama in Europe. Win-win.

Or, perhaps instead of somebody from Europe, we could get a landmark or something. Like Stonehenge. Or the Rock of Gibraltar. Or Notre Dame de Paris. Or a pair of wooden shoes from the Netherlands. Any of these things would be an improvement over Obama.

So, what do you think? What would you like to get from Europe in exchange for Obama?

AttackWatch!!!

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The Ministry of Truth Obama Administration has launched AttackWatch.com which will let you report people saying mean things about Big Brother the president.


[Direct link]

You can help. Go to AttackWatch.com and file a report.

Or, if you want, you can list things here. I’ll start.

  • I saw on the news that unemployment is up. I want to report the news.
  • I was going to report the Communist Party, but they support Obama’s tax hikes. So never mind about them.
  • There was a dog in the neighborhood that was barking. It sounded like a mean bark. So he had to be a Teabaggerz dog. I want to report him.
  • I started a movie on Netflix the other night when the president was on TV speaking, and the movie played instead of showing Obama. I want to report Netflix.

I’m sure there are plenty of other things you’ve seen that should be reported.

Fewer jobs for child molesters

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With all the talk (and it’s mostly talk) about Obama’s Job Bill, it seems we’re forgetting about the current jobs program that’s underway: the TSA.

While the Transportation Security Administration was created under a law signed by President George W. Bush, it has really taken off with Obama’s flunkies in charge.

I won’t go into great detail why the TSA was a bad idea to begin — does anyone really think anyone could have hijacked a planeload of Americans after 9/11? — I will say that if it’s possible to make a bad idea worse, a Democrat can do it. And a liberal Democrat can up the ante. And when you get moonbat crazy Democrats like Obama, Holder, and Napolitano overseeing things, you’re going to find out what government overreach really is.

And they’re reaching for your crotch. And boobies. And your kids.

Well, now, the TSA has decided it won’t fondle your children. Not as much, anyway:

Children 12 years old and younger soon will no longer be required to remove their shoes at airport security checkpoints, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told Congress on Tuesday. The policy also includes other ways to screen young children without resorting to a pat-down that involves touching private areas on the body.

Those heading into puberty are still up for groping.

What this means is the TSA won’t be the prefect job for child molesters.

We’re going to have to wait until they pass the Obama Jobs Bill to see what new opportunity child molesters will have.

lolterizt! Part 140

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This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From DamnCat:

From DamnCat:

From James:

[reference link]

From Robert:

[Normally I’d put Krugman in lolbama!, but he’s been promoted]

From Kris:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Brian The Adequate:

From Brian The Adequate:

[reference link]

From Eaglewingz:

[reference link]

From jb:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Ridge:

From Tim:

[reference link]

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Random Thoughts

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With the column in the NYPost and working on books for HarperCollins, I feel like I’ve recently leveled up as a writer. Maybe twice.

I have decided in my Twitter profile to now remove the “semi-pro” from before “humorist.”

Boston has a nice downtown, but it doesn’t have enough densely packed skyscrapers to support a Spider-man.

I think I hate Romney now. I don’t know if I can tolerate him anymore.

So Romney’s strategy is to distinguish himself as the defender of status quo?

Rick Perry wants to assure you that if you think you can buy him for $5000, it will cost more than that.

Instead of being angry at him, we should ask ourselves what did we do to cause Ron Paul.

I don’t think we’ll have a very good president in 2013, but hopefully at least a better one.