Archive of entries posted on 6th September 2011

lolbama! Part 71

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Note: I could use some more entries for lolterizt! Surely someone dressed all in red makes you think of something… (Oops! I put it in the wrong category. No wonder you couldn’t find it… fixed now… sorry about that.)

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Chris:

From Kris:

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From Larsinkima:

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From me (Harvey):

From me (Harvey):

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From me (Harvey):

From Kris:

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From Kris:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Apocryphal Prophet George:

From EdthePastor:

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From GEBIV:

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From Jared:

From Larsinkima:

From Russ:

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From James:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [Hat tip: Laurie]:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Nuke the News: Teamsters, Mammoths, and Orphaned Fat Kids

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* So on Labor Day, Obama met with some teamsters — yeah, you may have heard about teamsters on Mad Men or something, but they’re actually still around. Anyway, at the event, Jimmy Hoffa (with a name like that, you know he’s not corrupt) said about the Tea Party “President Obama, this is your army. We are ready to march. Let’s take these son of bitches out and give America back to an America where we belong.”

Now, some conservatives are upset that Obama didn’t condemn these remarks. See, the left has been constantly wetting their pants at supposedly violent right-wing rhetoric, but they seem quite unconcerned when anything intemperate comes from their side. I think by now, though, everyone knows not to take the left’s complaints about rhetoric seriously, and it’s pretty obvious that the left just likes wetting their pants — possible because it’s quicker than finding a bathroom.

Also, it’s kind of hard to be threatened by the teamsters; they’re just so quaint now. Union membership has been hugely declining for years and there is no real plan to change that, so unions are sort of like newspapers and typewriters. And it’s kind of cute for them to act all powerful — it’s like a little mouse squeaking about how it will take over the world. Was Obama supposed to say to it, “Bad mouse; you’re scaring people!” or should he have said, “That’s so cute. Here’s a piece of cheese.”?

One day we won’t have unions anymore, and then people will have to be lazy without all the organization.

* It’s Tuesday, so you know what that means: Obama’s hit new lows in another poll. He has 51% disapproval in a new NBC/WSJ poll. Obama’s big problem seems to be that he’s not very good at being president. Maybe to improve his poll numbers he could try to look less like someone completely in over his head who has no idea what he’s doing.

Or maybe he could have more rallies with unions. Everyone loves unions; they’re so cute!

* The US Post Office is on the brink of default. It could soon completely run out of money and then… what exactly do we use the post office for anymore? I guess Netflix disks. Well, I canceled the disk portion of Netflix when they raised the price, so I don’t care about that. I guess I also get a few bills, but they can e-mail those to me if they have to. Not really sure we even really need the post office anymore; it’s another one of those things that’s kind of quaint these days. And one of the reasons it’s running out of money is that its workers are unionized — double quaint!

* It’s nearing the tenth anniversary of 9/11, so expect lots of articles on the true meaning of 9/11 and how we overreacted and were mean to terrorists and stuff. I’m kind of dreading it.

Anyway, here’s an article about how the next 9/11 could be from nature. And you know the article is filled with scientific fact because it quotes Al Gore a lot. If nature attacks us, I wouldn’t like to bomb nature.

I’d love it.

* And there’s no reason for nature to be mad at us because scientists are working on ways to resurrect extinct species. That means we can ravage nature and then set everything back to normal — no harm no foul. It sounds like one of the first creatures they’re going to restore is the wooly mammoth, which is great news for anyone whose main complaint about elephants is that they aren’t large enough and aren’t hairy enough.

Could this lead to resurrecting dinosaurs and putting rocket launchers on them? Well, we don’t have much dinosaur DNA, plus Obama has put tough regulations on rocket launchers and what animals you can mount them on (because he hates America). You’d think Obama would really support bringing dinosaurs back to life; if we could bring back dinosaurs, maybe we could bring back unions.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Cats: Keeping your pill bottles under your sofa since 1909.” –Dan Harmon

* Friend of IMAO author Mike Williamson has a new novel out today, Rogue, a sequel to The Weapon, though the novel is also a stand alone story.

Baen needs to start getting their books on Kindle, though. I know they have their own DRM free distribution, but it’s a convenience thing. They publish novels about the future, so they should know people in the future like convenience. And shooting aliens.

* In Britain, they’ve taken seven children away from their parents for being too fat. That’s great, because I think everyone agrees things aren’t hard enough already on fat kids so we also need to take away their parents. I can just imagine the court hearing with a lawyer pointing at the kids and saying, “Look how fat they are! They’re FAT! Let’s take their parents away!” Then a social worker will come to the crying children and say, “Sorry, but you’re just too fat to have parents.” And the whole time Michelle Obama will be standing in the back of the courtroom, pointing and laughing. She sure hates fats kids. Don’t we all?

Random Thoughts

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Obama should be careful to avoid another recession as that will probably hurt his reelection chances more than it will help.

All this unemployment stuff is funny because I have a job.

Only two sports I get excited for: College football and Olympic curling.

Not too hopeful the next president will be a good president, but there’s a near scientific certainty he’ll be a better president.

Cheney clarified to say that while he’s honored to be compared to Darth Vader, he meant the original one and not the “Nooooo!” shouter.

Cheney vows to live long enough to bury all his detractors and everyone they care about – so a couple more months at least.

Would be nice if we finally told Obama that no one really expects him to do anything about the economy so so he can stop worrying about it.

I have 6425 Twitter followers; is that worth something? “Sir, we can’t seat you without a reservation.” “But I have 6425 Twitter followers!”

When my book comes out, I better sell at least 6425 copies or I’m blocking them all and getting new followers.

I think I’m tired of making fun of Obama; I’ll try some words of encouragement instead. You can do it, kiddo!

I’ve actually forgotten who Sarah Palin is. Is she the one who never denied being a witch?

Is the Obama campaign planning on anything other than negative ads, because I don’t know how could make “He killed Osama” fill a whole 30 sec.

I hope science figures out how to resurrect the dead because I’d really like to see what Shakespeare could do with the Transformers franchise.

I guess I’d be plenty happy with just zombie Shakespeare attacking Michael Bay, though.

“If all else fails, use fire.” Great advice that extends well beyond Zelda II.

Playing these old NES games, I forgot how hard they were. But Reagan was president when they came out, so we were all much tougher back then.

A famed, intergalactic bounty hunter should be able to duck and shoot enemies at her feet.

In the original Legend of Zelda, was anyone dumb enough to pick the red potion over the heart container?

A DVD should not be able to dictate to me when I’m allowed to stop, fast forward, or skip to menu.

Wife is making chili with ground turkey. I prefer when she makes it with sky turkey.

I don’t know how, but the “shoot doors to open them” method the people of Metroid use seems like it could someday lead to a problem.

Did we all forget the true meaning of Labor Day? We did? Cool.

Despite what Kermit says, the only rainbow songs I know are his and the one from Wizard of Oz.

We have a little stuffed cow that makes moo sounds. Buttercup wants me to hold and protect her while it exists.

I just have troubled being threatened by gruff, union leaders. They’re just so quaint now.

The stuffed cow scared the dog, too. I guess I’m alone in not finding a cow’s moo to be very threatening.

I don’t think once in history has the left’s complaint about conservative rhetoric been anything other than partisan BS.

Haven’t union membership been shrinking for years? Do they really pretend to have a strategy to reverse that?

I assume the strategy will be similar to how to cause a resurgence of the typewriter.

Maybe they can make joining a union appealing to hipsters. Free rotatory phone with union membership!

You wouldn’t believe the amount of surveillance the CIA has on the teddy bear picnic.