* Reports are that Obama will be announcing a $300 billion jobs plan in his speech… I guess tomorrow. I don’t when it is; who cares really.
So Obama already spent $800 billion in “stimulus”, and there weren’t any jobs. But give him $300 billion more and this time he’ll make jobs. For reals.
Republicans need to turn to Obama and tell him, “You can’t make any jobs because you’re a dummy. We could get more effective use out of the money by burning it because that would at least produce warmth. Here’s a bag of golf balls; go to the driving range and stay out of everyone’s way.” Except they won’t say that because Boehner has decided not to give a response to the speech, considering it beneath his concern — something most Americans have already concluded. Pelosi is calling this disrespectful. So now not going on TV and telling everyone what a useless dummy Obama is is disrespectful. Because all Obama really wants is attention.
Anyway, here’s my idea to raise government revenue and help close the deficit: Have Obama yell out his jobs plan to passersby from a dunking booth. $20 a ball.
* There’s a Republican debate tonight at 8pm ET which will be Rick Perry’s first — if he can make. Currently he’s in Texas because his state caught fire. If he doesn’t make it, expect his opponents to hit him on this.
ROMNEY: “Know what I didn’t do while I was governor of Massachusetts? Burn down my state.”
BACHMANN: “We make sure our state can’t catch fire by covering it in snow and ice.”
RON PAUL: “Fire is not in the Constitution!”
* And with all the polling showing Rick Perry well ahead in the primary, Mitt Romney is not about to give up. He’s come up with a 59 point plan to help the economy that is 160 pages along. I haven’t read it all because… it’s a 160 page plan about the economy and I have other things to do. Still, I know that point 28 of his plan is “??” and point 59 is “Profit”.
* Debbie Wasserman Schultz (I checked; that actually is the name she goes by) says that “the Republicans who think the Recovery Act [stimulus] didn’t work are simply wrong.” But the independents and Democrats who think it didn’t work are right?
Really, this is what the Democrats are going to run on in 2012? Just point to the nation and say, “This is what $800 billion in awesome recovery looks like!”? $800 billion is more money than we can wrap our brains around, and they just wasted it all. It’s Brewsters Billions – can you spend $800 billion without helping the economy? It’s a challenge, but they did it.
Actually, Nancy Pelosi has now banned the use of the word “stimulus” because they realize what a huge epic failure it was and that they better not bring it up. Next one — which Obama will be proposing — will get called “job creation” — like any of them know anything about jobs. We can’t all be community organizers; some people have to do something useful.
* If you want to watch something funny, here’s Jake Tapper pressing Carney on why the White House won’t respond to Hoffa’s remarks. Apparently, back in 2008, Obama called on McCain to apologize for what a speaker who introduced him said, but Obama doesn’t think he needs to even acknowledge the thug who introduced him from his own event. It’s an obvious double standard, and all Carney can do is squirm like a hooked worm.
But look what some left-winger produced in his hate: You get to kill Tea Partiers in the forms of zombies. The left talk about peace and call their opponents Nazis, but push them just a little bit and all they’re fantasizing about bashing in the brains of anyone who disagrees with them.
I just hope the next time liberals act all outraged about something someone says, we know to tell them, “Shut up, you’re not actually outraged by this. You’re just a useless partisan tool; if you didn’t think the outrage gave you a political advantage, you wouldn’t even care. As evidence to this, I point to all of history of the left.” Remember the Paul Wellstone funeral? Remember the left immediately moving to action to try to score political points against their opponents out of Gifford’s being shot in the head? Remember how Michael Moore’s first reaction to 9/11 was that it should have been targeted at Republicans? There’s a point at which partisan politics replaces basic human emotion, and that’s where the left is constantly hanging out. If you surrender your humanity for politics, you have no business trying to figure out what’s best for people.
* Obama has apparently told the Pentagon to cut troop levels down to 3,000. This is way below what the generals wanted, but Obama probably knows better from all his military experience from… I don’t know where I’m going with this sentence.
It was pretty irresponsible to put Obama in charge of the military. Maybe, instead of playing golf, he could play some Call of Duty to at least become a little bit familiar with military concepts. Or if that’s too violent, how about Super Mario Brothers — just something where he’s trying to fight the enemy and win. Maybe Bubble Bobble.
* Wisdom of the Day: “How strange is our world when one of the biggest stories of the day is whether we will be able to leave our shoes on to get on an airplane?” –Rich Galen
* Just submitted a manuscript to HarperCollins this morning. It will be a short ebook under their Broadside Books imprint and should hopefully come out in November. What’s it about? Maybe I’ll tell you when there’s a firm title, but know what you can do? You can speculate in the comments! Anyway, the book will be very funny and you will all buy it. Every one of you. No exceptions.