Archive of entries posted on 2nd December 2011

Nuke the News: Unemployment Down, Someone Is Finally Buying Chevy Volts, and Women Drivers

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* Unemployment has had a sharp drop from 9% to 8.6%! This happened as 120,000 new jobs were added.

Wait a second; how does that add up? How can a measly 120,000 jobs cause unemployment to drop that much?

Oh, 315,000 also gave up looking for work. Why do we keep using the regular unemployment statistic? It seems to conceal more than it reveals these days. Usually, a drop in unemployment would be a good thing, but these days all it means is that people have given up.

* GM is now offering to buy back Chevy Volts so they won’t burn your house down. Winning the future, people; winning the future.

You know, the future is never what we expect, so it’s always a dumb idea to try and force technology in a certain direction. Know what I want for the future? My house to not be on fire.

* New study says that religious people trust atheists about as much as they do rapists. Atheists are a bit scary, but they don’t actually exist. Everyone I know who calls himself an atheist subscribes to some morality, and morality is betting on long term results on short term actions. Since you can’t logically prove it out, it involves a leap of faith. And if you’re making leaps of faith, you pretty much have a religion. So it’s not that “atheists” don’t have a religion, they just have a disorganized one. Which isn’t that scary.

* In a scientific (Science!) study done by Saudi Arabia, it was concluded that allowing women to drive will cause the country to have no virgins and turn people gay. It’s funny when some weird fundamentalist makes a silly proclamation like this, but this is a whole country. They really should just start doing a tourist campaign like, “Come to Saudi Arabia and have your pictures taken with modern day cavemen! Laugh as they’re frightened and confused by your women drivers!”

* Wisdom of the Day: “Do your part to drop the unemployment rate! Convince a discouraged job seeker to despair, drop off the grid and become a hobo.” –David Burge

* New Crowder video!

Should we be encouraging our children to join the entertainment industry? I’ll make a TV show if someone will pay me lots of money.

Random Thoughts

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Does Egypt have oil or is their main export pyramids?

As political humorist, I am very excited for Newt Gingrich’s surge in the polls.

I really do make a decent amount of money making fun of Obama. I probably should be rooting for a second term.

Prediction: GOP will chicken out and nominate Romney, the safe choice. In October 2012, a hobo graveyard will be found in his backyard.

“She’s a witch, she is. Turned our presidential candidate into a Newt!”

When we disapprove of another country in America, we don’t burn their flag… though occasionally we burn their country.

“If you go with my proposal, we could have our instrument in 90% of all children’s alphabet books.” -man proposing name for xylophone

It starting to seem like the normal unemployment statistic we all use conceals more than it reveals these days.